prague_100 Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 hi everyone! so, according to my bf i'm a posessive and controlling gf. i never think of myself this way, and have trouble seeing his side of things. i see myself as the kind of person that likes to spend as much time as possible with him and who likes to talk on the phone and text and be in contact....he sees this as being possissive. guess this post will let you judge for yourselves....anways, my question is this: i got curious about what he was doing on the computer and found (in my computer's history) his page on a social networking site. the majority of his "friends" on this site are scantily clad girls whose pictures he likes to look at. three of his friends are guys and friends of his from his old work. ok, i'm not averse in principle to the fact that he's looking at these chick's pics (most guys look at porn, right? and these girls, although they have very LITTLE clothing on, are not totally naked, which i suppose is the only positive thing about this all). anyway, there is still something about the fact that these girls are REAL and not like actresses or porn stars that gets to me. So i delved deeper and found out more distrubing things all connected to this site: a) he's listed himself as a user intersted in "friends, love, and professional contacts" WTF IS THAT ABOUT??? b) some girl wrote on his message board that "she lost his number" unfortunatley, i have no idea if he's ever met this girl or if she's actually a friend of his. her username makes it impossible for me to know if she's an actual friend of his in real life c)he is still, up to this day, actively "friending" girls as far as i can tell he's never met these girls, but i don't know what's going on. my question is this: should i approach him about this and see what's up or should i just keep monitoring the site and his public messages, making sure he doens't , from what i can tell, follow up on any of this innocent(?) flirting (btw, i haven't broken into his account or anything, so i can't see his private messages...i'm not THAT bad!!!) what makes me so angry is that i was never this psycho before i was with him. actually, HE's what i'd consider the posessive one. it's like his psychoness rubbed off on me or something and now i'm always worrying about him cheating on me. i think it also has to do with his culture (italian) and where we live (italy). men are constantly cheating here, and women are constantly paranoid! i hate it!
mikesierra Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 actually your boyfriend is just like many guys. it's understandable that you don't like it, but it's not going to change. I guarantee it. You can either accept it or leave him. girls that post those pictures on myspace are advertising. they are either advertising for someone else, or advertising themselves as sluts. your boyfriend's myspace is a testosterone fantasy land, and he sounds immature.
Trialbyfire Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 If they're very scantily clad girls, it's possible they're professionals. Either way your b/f isn't being respectful of your relationship since social networking sites aren't one-way interactions, like porn sites. He's interacting through cyberspace, by electronic medium like phone and who knows in what other ways. Trust your gut instinct. Something told you to take a look. That something was probably you picking up on his cavalier attitude towards relationship boundaries, which is also what's been making you hold on tighter with this guy. Time to step back and give your head a shake. Is this the type of guy you really want? Someone you have to watch your back with, all the time? You decide.
Author prague_100 Posted March 9, 2009 Author Posted March 9, 2009 yeah...but i do love him, so it's hard for me to think this is the end all be all...is this the deal-breaker, him friending some skanks on the internet? me not knowing if anything ever became of it? that seems so trivial, when i think about the big picture. we've been together for 2 and a half years, but i think he joined the stupid site around a year ago, when we were hitting some hard times, and continued to go onto it throughtout the summer, when i was gone for 3 months... anyway, i guess what i really want is to just tell him and ask him to stop...i think you're right, trialbyfire, there is something about the fact that these are not one way interations that gets to me. i can't blame him for looking, but i can blame him for communicating. maybe he's willing to stop, i guess i have to confront him and tell him it's not cool. but the thing is, Ruby Slippers, i think people CAN change. i guess that's because i've seen my parents stick it out. my dad was pretty shi&*y when i was younger, but he's totally different now and they're so happy. i really think people can change (to a certain extent) if you give them a chance and tell them how imporatant it is to you. man, i sound like a wuss!!!! lol
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 a) he's listed himself as a user intersted in "friends, love, and professional contacts" WTF IS THAT ABOUT??? Your boyfriend has stated publicly that he's looking for "love" on the Internet. His intentions seem pretty obvious to me. I wouldn't waste my time with him.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Ha - people change if they WANT to change. I spent 4 years in a marriage hoping he would change. Giving him all the tools TO change and trying my best to support him. He even claimed HE wanted to change. No - no change at all. But that aside... Given what I've already had to deal with in my last intimate relationship with a man that was constantly looking for female attention, I'd ask my BF what was up with him giving his number to some chick. If he didn't have a good reason for it or he put it off on me without explanation, we'd be done. I'm not going through that garbage again - it's too exhausting and really kills one's self-esteem.
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