dreamer76 Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 I didn't know where tto post this, so figured here might be the place. Basically I have been with my fiance for 4 years now (and 4 years before that we were on and off). We have a ten month old daughter together, who is the pride in my life. Well lately, (and by lately I mean the past 6-7 months) I have been thinking about and having dreams about my ex, who was my first love, and the man I lost my virginity to. We have been split up for 5 years now, but there has always been a spot in my heart for him. Well anyway, as I am sure you can understand, these dreams about my ex (which are romantic dreams) have been messing with my head. I don't know how to deal with these thoughts of my ex, and it's driving me nuts! I'd like to add too, that when my daughter was born, my Other Half went through depression because he no longer was the only one I paid attention to, and honestly I lost lot of respect for him for some of his actions in the first few months after our Daughter was born. While my respect for him is re-gaining itself, there are still some major annoyances about him-like the fact that he plays his PS3 all the time when he is not at work. I don't know, but maybe the fact that my current partner is not as charming as I used to see him, is the reason I am thinking about my ex. I feel bad about it, and I try to push him out of my mind, but then I am having dreams about him, and it makes it so hard! My ex and I used to work together, and we have talked since the break-up, so things are good between us, but we have not spoken since 2006-though I do have him on my facebook. I guess I don't expect anyone to have any thoughts on what to do, but I just needed to get this out, and felt this might be the place. Thanks for reading.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Is there something in your ex that you saw would make a good father that perhaps your fiance isn't living up to? I bring this up because you mention your fiance had difficulty having attention shifted from him and he now "plays with his PS3 all the time". You make no mention of whether he spends any time with his daughter. Considering the subject this might be better placed in marriage & life partnerships. Maybe the moderators can move it.
Author dreamer76 Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 Thanks Hip O Crit. Yes, I guess I do think my ex may have qualities that my OH does not, that might make him a better father. I should metion that my OH does spend time with our daughter, but not a lot-we are talking a half an hour a day-if that. Or maybe an hour when I leave her with him to go grocery shopping-he clims she cries for me almost the whole time I am gone, so I figured that she just didn't like to be away from me-but then yesterday I left her with my parents for the first time, for 2 hours, and expected to hear that she was crying for me, but they said she didn't even for a minute! So I don't know if it is just the way my OH parents that she always wants me, or what it is:confused: When my ex and I were together, I knew we wouldn't get married, BUT I did know that he would one day make a good Husband and father. He definitely has more ambition than my OH-for instance he is in university to become a lawyer, and OH didn't choose college after graduating high school. I wouldn't say my OH is not smart, but he is not one of those intellegent people-and to be honest I am more drawn to intellegent and ambitious men. It is kind of weird to me to think back on why I chose OH to settle down with, instead of waiting to find someone I was more compatible with. Don't get me wrong, I do love and care about my fiance, but I guess there are just some things that I am unhappy with right now. I always think that I would not have a second child with my OH, but if down the road I met someone different (or like in my dreams, married my ex) I would love to have another. I know how awful that sounds, but I am just saying the truth!
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 I'm not a parent. But my best guess is that the reason she cries is because shes being left with the stranger that is her father. I'm assuming the half hour he does spend with her is with minimal interaction. If that's true I can understand not wanting another. Bottom line he needs to spend more time with her to make her feel wanted (maybe disconnect the PS3). It also sounds you're straddling the fence with this relationship. Or getting there quickly. You and your fiance have to start talking to each other. Tell him that you're unhappy.
Author dreamer76 Posted March 9, 2009 Author Posted March 9, 2009 I'm not a parent. But my best guess is that the reason she cries is because shes being left with the stranger that is her father. I'm assuming the half hour he does spend with her is with minimal interaction. If that's true I can understand not wanting another. Bottom line he needs to spend more time with her to make her feel wanted (maybe disconnect the PS3). It also sounds you're straddling the fence with this relationship. Or getting there quickly. You and your fiance have to start talking to each other. Tell him that you're unhappy. I do have to say that the time that he does spend with our Daughter there is interaction-she loves him very much-even crawls to the door when he gets home from work. Maybe it is just his lack of iteraction with her when he is watching her when I am out. I definitely think a lot that if it were not for our daughter, I would not be in the relationship. I know she shouldn't hold me back from leaving, but I don't want to walk away from a relatioship and have her grow up in a single parent family-if you see my point of view. Sometimes though, I do realize I do love and care about my OH, just wish he would be more of a partner than he is being-yes he would do anything for me, but there is definitely something missing-and the attraction seems to have gone too-I think that may be due to the fact that he wouldn't have sex with me while I was pregnant, and then since having our daughter, we have only DTD twice (in almost 10 months:eek:) and both times it was very half-heartedly. It's so weird that the obvious thing is to talk to him and tell him that I am not happy, but at the same time, I know he would just get sulky, then probably mad, and likely cry and not want to talk to me anymore, saying I hurt his feelings-can you tell I have had this conversation before?! After that is said though, when he is not always on his playstation, the loving spark is there-for instance when we went to visit his parents-the car ride is pretty long, so it was very nice to talk with him without the distraction of his playstation, and the anger that comes with him playing it (I don't know why playing his ps3 makes him so angry!!) Anyway, it has somewhat helped writing all that out, and I do thank-you for replying-I am not going to give up on our relationship, as I think that one should try and try until there is nothing left, and it has not yet come to that point-though at times in this past year, it has come very close.
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