Cealabeala Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 I know I'm probably being delusional here...but I just cant stop hoping that my ex boyfriend and I will get back together. We were seeing each other for eight months and in the last five we were pretty serious. It was my first relationship and his and I felt like we were really in love. There were alot of complications because hes in college in a city about 2 hours drive away and I'm still in school so we only got to meet up at the weekends. Also about four months in he told me his mom had lung cancer... He said it wasnt serious, and I think i wanted to believe that so I did. We're both only 18 and it was alot for him to deal with. When we first met he only smoked weed occasionally but he started smoking every day, I think to stop himself thinking about his Mom. She had gotten worse and I tried to get him to talk to me about it but he could'nt. Because it was pretty much a long distance thing the only way for us to have a relationship was over the phone and he had always been really bad at contacting me which got even worse when the smoking did. We had a really big fight after he had'nt contacted me for five days and I said it was like he wanted to break up, which he denied. The fight lasted for about three days because it was over the phone and text. He told me that he had been spending time with me instead of his Mom, and thats when I realised she was alot worse than I had thought. When eventually we met up in person (valentines day) he said we wasnt sure if he was doing the right thing and needed more time to think. He said he found it too hard to be away from me when he was at college and still loved me, but had cheated on me three weeks before, kissed someone. He was crying when he told me. We ended pretty badly, both mad at each other and theres been no contact since but during the week I found out his mother died. I just burst into tears when i heard and it made me realise how much i care about him and love him. I texted to give my condolences (i know it sounds awful but i didnt think he would have wanted me to call him in case he cried) but he never replied. I'm so worried about him and all i want is to be with him to comfort him. I feel like he must hate me for wasting his last time with his mother. I really liked her and she was always so nice to me, i just feel so confused about the whole thing. Thanks for reading this, any help is appreciated.
Ronni_W Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Grief is a weird thing. And trying to cope with the fact that a loved one is dying is an even weirder kind of grieving, in my experience. As you say, he was under huge mental-emotional stress, only some of which was related to his relationship with you. Trying to think what I might do in your situation: probably send him a 'snail mail' card of sympathy, and let him know that I am available if he needs anything that I can help with. I wouldn't hold too high hopes of hearing back from him, though. And, I would leave it in his hands -- wouldn't initiate contact with him again. My sympathies on your loss.
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