goldencloud Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Hey, Some of you may have read my previous post, but I had been torn between two men, and went with the one I liked better, the one I thought would never ended up hurting me as he did. I met this guy quite randomly. he asked me out saying anyday i wanted was good for him and kept telling me how cute i was. I didn't take it too seriously but was pleasantly surprised when I heard from him. Anyways we went on a date, and it seemed he was so into me, he asked how long i would be living in the city, he kept telling me how he loved my vibrance and hadn't really met anyone like me..anyways I ended up leaving early cos had to meet my friend and he was like stay longer...anyways we made plans for the next saturday he calls me thursday saying to show up at some random occasion cos he wanted the date to be a surprise. It was wonderful, he took me to a show..and was holding my hands the entire time, making plans for future(saying things like i don't want to be too forward but do you want to do this sometime bla bla). pretty much acting exactly the way a guy smitten with you does..we end up going to dinner, and talked and talked, and he kept encouraging me to open up to him,and I did(combination of geniunely trusting him and wine) and he kept telling me how i seem self contained but when i relax its amazing. and he kept asking me more and more about myself..saying that before he found me attractive but now he finds me extremely intriguing..saying thinsg like he thought he would get along with my parents(we spoke about our family relationships) he also seems under the impression i have a million suitors around(i don't) and said i seem like the kind of girl who egts alot of attention and maybe takes people who like me for granted...i didn't take what he said seriously and just smiled.. anyways we end up talking for hours and hours...and he ended up coming back with me, but i made it clear we weren't going to sleep with eachother..and he said he was fine with it, just wanted to spent more time with me...and then he said he really likes me and doesn't want to f**k it up by going too fast..anyways next day i said i was going to movie, and he said unless its too forward could he come..i said sure, and that a friend would be coming too...anyways my friend didn't end up coming..but he was like what do u wanna watch, guys he was open to seeing confessions of a shoppaholic! but i said no no it's cool..so we watched something else..and then went for coffee and then he dropped me home.. he said to call him later during the week to do something. anyways i message him tuesday to ask how his week was, and he called me the next night(really late)...saying lets do something soon, i said to tell me which day cos weekend fills up fast(i was just being honest) he was all like ooohhh...anyways he said perhaps saturday..anyways he calls me next night when he's out with friends( i was on my way to meet a friend for drinks it was about 10 pm)..and he was like just wanted to call u cos like talking to u..i was like aw how nice(im terrible sometimes and don't know how to express emotions)....i was like yeah just going for drinks with a friend...and he said where..i said around the area..and he's like okay call u later anyways he calls at around 2(i was sleeping)...this was thursday. I call him friday..no response...saturday i assumed he would call but he didn't so i caleld...no response...and i left a text asking if everything was okay.. i was really quite upset about it, but thought maybe i came across as too nonchalant? in any case i called him again today..nada. and honestly just reached a point where i was like fine maybe ill just be honest about what i feel and ball in his court..i sent him this text 'probably strange to text this but can't get a hold of you. the thing is i really like you and if i have in some fashion made it seem otherwise i didn't mean to. anyways that's all. just wanted to be honest about what i feel' NO RESPONSE what happened, how does someone go from seriously liking u(or at least making a really good show at it) to NOTHING im REALLY uspet about this cos it takes me forever to trust peopel and i geniuenly trusted him, and opened up to him
bean1 Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 This man appears only interested in sex. When a man always calls you very late at night to do something (!2?) that should always be a big red flag smacking you in the face! All this texting and drama sounds like you are still quite young (20? 22?). If so, take the time to multi-date (let them know you are not looking for an exclusive relationship) and take the time to get to know them first before making your decision. Besides, you never slept with him. That is probably why he disappeared. You probably saved yourself a lot of heartache!
Author goldencloud Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 Hey, The thing is he did call me normally as well...and I only texted because I had no other way of expressing what I wanted to say...I can hardly leave a long voice mail haha! Also he didn't call me to do soemthing late..he called me following his thing..and the 1st time he called me late, he apologised for it and said he didn't notice how late it was cos was out with friend It's just SO incredibly confusing..and for the record indeed I am 24, and he was 30 I've dated quite a number of guys, and generally when a guy wants sex i can tell...just with him, it came out of NOWHERE!! never saw this coming AT ALL): i just dont know what to do): thanks for your words, they do help...
mikesierra Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 bean may be correct, but you may also think of any circumstances influencing his behavior. maybe he was interested in someone else also? it sounds like he was probing about other men in your life, so maybe he's trying to decide who it will work out with? or maybe he is insecure.
bean1 Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 24 and 30! Hmm :-) (For the record, I am 24 and my SO is 30). Yes, these guys are still alive and well at age 30! Don't I know it! LOL. Well, you've dodged a bullet, that's all I can say! Although we are usually seasoned at player-radar at this age, sometimes it can be a bit off. Don't get the impression that you need to apologize (although you meant something different, your last text comes off as "I stuck to my guns, but that didn't work, so I'll do anything to please you"). Let him go and keep dating!
Author goldencloud Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 Yeah, I remember he would say things like you're so beautiful, you must have so many guys wanting to get with you...and the first time we met he was under the impression i may have had a boyfriend( i told him i don't!!)... but about the whole telling me how gorgeous i am and how i must have so many guys running after me...i didn't say anything cos i don't know to act when someone says that so i just laughed it off.. and this instance my guy friend call me, and he's like who is that, im like just a friend, and he's like does he like u..is he one of those guys who wants to be your 'friend' but u dont give time of day..he said it in a really jokey manner, i didn't take it seriously at all what hurts the most is i actually thought he was a really really nice guy and i trusted him, and it takes me forever to trust anyone..
Author goldencloud Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 Bean1, you are right..maybe my text did come across that way..its just that after evaluating the situation i felt (maybe) there is a chance that he was really into me cos he kept telling me how much he really liked me, and i didn't say anything abck cos i just am really bad at these things...when someone tells me they feel something for me i clam up!! i dont understand why couldn't he JUST TELL ME if he didn't feel anything for me anymore..is it so hard?! has this happened to any of you guys? (ps thank u so much for all your help, it really helps more then u know)
mikesierra Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 I really don't think it's about sex. I guess maybe...? I don't know I can't speak for all guys but I don't see the point in doing all that just for sex.
northstar1 Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Bean1, you are right..maybe my text did come across that way..its just that after evaluating the situation i felt (maybe) there is a chance that he was really into me cos he kept telling me how much he really liked me, and i didn't say anything abck cos i just am really bad at these things...when someone tells me they feel something for me i clam up!! i dont understand why couldn't he JUST TELL ME if he didn't feel anything for me anymore..is it so hard?! has this happened to any of you guys? (ps thank u so much for all your help, it really helps more then u know) Sorry to hear that he just vanished - pretty immature behaviour. Sounds like he might be a bit of a player and is seeing someone else as well. Either way, it's a red flag and it's good you are seeing this early and can write this one off and carry on. Dating can be screwy, people come on with a full court press, then suddenly go cold. That's why I've realized it's best to always take things slow and casual for the first bit, as I've learned the hard way.
Author goldencloud Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 mikesierra, see that's what i kind of feel. I might be wrong, but it just seems like so much effort to make and he called me JUST THREE days ago to tell me he was thinking of me, granted it was a hurried convo cos i was in a rush to meet my friend(she was waiting and i was already late)..i didn't tell him it was a her though so maybe he assumed it was a guy...i DONT know..though it hardly seems sufficient info for him to ERASE me! the whole time we were 'courting' he really just seemed to eager to please me and make me happy and then he POOFS, literally POOFS away!!! and i DONT know what i did, if anything...i just feel like i have NO closure..and maybe its ridiculous cos we werent dating that long..but i believe time is relative and we got emotioally close very fast mainly due to him wanting to know mroe and mroe about me(and of course the wine equation lol) can you explain more what u think as well mikesierra?!
Author goldencloud Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 northstar1, I tried to go slow, but he just wanted to know so much about me..and id always catch up looking at me,and the thing is emotion makes me awkward cos i kinda just go what? in a smily way...and he would like want to hold my hands all the time you guys i know im talking in CIRCLES, but what the heck!! i hate inconclusive things
northstar1 Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 northstar1, I tried to go slow, but he just wanted to know so much about me..and id always catch up looking at me,and the thing is emotion makes me awkward cos i kinda just go what? in a smily way...and he would like want to hold my hands all the time you guys i know im talking in CIRCLES, but what the heck!! i hate inconclusive things I know what you mean. The last girl I was out with did the same thing. Was very much like that as well in the beginning. Then, suddenly she went cold and it just fizzled out. Don't really know what her story ended up being, whether she was dating someone else, or got back with an ex, or just lost interest. It's frustrating, but then you think you really don't know someone very well for a long time. You'll be okay
Author goldencloud Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 Thanks Northstar1 Its nice to know I'm not alone in this! Really there should be a disclaimer before dating anyone... TELL ME IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND don't leave me hanging like a leaf blowing away in the wind!!
mikesierra Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 I realize that closure is important. Let's look at the facts. He called you at 2 in the morning without leaving a message, so we can assume that he is, in fact, ignoring you and didn't leave town for an emergency or something. He probed you about other guys in your life and asked you to be more open with him. There is a possibility of another girl, but there are others also. I think that maybe either he's either insecure, genuinely doesn't think you are being honest with him, or has recently had a bad experience with having to compete with other guys and didn't come out the winner. Sounds to me like he's rushing and wants to be assured that it will work out, and maybe he's unsure because he doesn't know what he competing against, and even though he tried to probe you about it, he doesn't feel that you informed him well enough.
mortensorchid Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Someone who calls at 2 in the morning has only one of two things on his mind : Sex or breaking it off. If he was looking for sex he would say it immediately. If he talks about anything but, then he was calling to check if you were at home waiting by the phone. He's not for you. Move on no matter what.
mikesierra Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 I don't know about all that. sex maybe... doesn't sound like that's what it was about though. and I don't know why breaking it off would be better at 2am as opposed to any other time.
Author goldencloud Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 you know how sometimes if you're physcially taken advantage of, it just sucks..like perhaps you sleep with someone, assume more of it and nothing comes and its heartbreaking well i feel like i was really emotionally taken advantage of, i know im an adult and my own decisions are my own responsibility, but he just kept encouraging me to open up to him about my past etc, and like a fool i fell for it and now i just feel like an idiot, kind of humuliated, like i gave so much of who i am emotionally to this person and he totally tossed it to the curb maybe its dramatic, maybe its not, but really its how i feel i don;t trust or open up fast, and i did with him, and he ...DISAPPEARS! :S:sick:
mikesierra Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 you know how sometimes if you're physcially taken advantage of, it just sucks..like perhaps you sleep with someone, assume more of it and nothing comes and its heartbreaking well i feel like i was really emotionally taken advantage of, i know im an adult and my own decisions are my own responsibility, but he just kept encouraging me to open up to him about my past etc, and like a fool i fell for it and now i just feel like an idiot, kind of humuliated, like i gave so much of who i am emotionally to this person and he totally tossed it to the curb maybe its dramatic, maybe its not, but really its how i feel i don;t trust or open up fast, and i did with him, and he ...DISAPPEARS! :S:sick: it's understandable. I can't believe I'm telling this to a female... but play on the offense, not on the defense. it's safer there.
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