calsa Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Thanks all for reading this and look forward to advice/suggestions that you may have. Basically, I had been listening to a new dj on the radio for awhile and around Valentines Day, the radio station was doing a contest to win flowers (of course, she couldn't win and I didn't try too), but she always talked about how if somebody won and didn't have anybody to send to, she'd take them lol. I know alot of it was her joking, because thats how she is... Well, I love to send flowers and make people smile, so I sent her what she said was her favorite flowers (Gerber daisies), and apparantly it totally made her day. We hadn't ever met up to this point and only had been emailing a little bit back and forth (not much). I emailed her to ask about something going on with the station and then asked her if she'd like to grab dinner or something, sometime. She responded thanking me so much for the flowers and how sweet and thoughtful it was (she used capital letters for a few of the words), then told me that I was very sweet and not to take it the wrong way, but she had just recently got out of an intense relationship and wasn't ready to date (much less in a place she was new too - only been in this area for a few months). We exchanged a few more emails, and finally did meet in person at one of the radio station's events and hit it off decently, and chatted for 5-10 minutes about general things (mostly about her). Fast forward a few weeks, she was talking about needing more furniture for her apartment and trying to find some in town or something. I emailed her about it and told her if she wanted I'd help her find some of the better places in town (since I've lived here for awhile etc). She responded to that saying how thoughtful and sweet the offer was, but she would be going out of town the following weekend and planned to get some stuff at a large chain store. I've talked to a few people who have said to just chill and be patient, because she didn't have to tell me about past relationship nor even about going out of town, when she could've just said, "thanks, but im busy" or whatever. I have no issues being patient, but it frustrates me a little bit that she doesn't respond to many of my messages. A few girls I know said that she doesn't want to give the appearance of being "ready" for anything and by responding it could make things move faster than she is ready for. I'm just trying to sort out her being nice to me, versus, her being sincere about not being ready and giving me small details about her life when she doesn't have to. Somebody told me I just needed to sweep her off her feet somehow lol, but I'm not so sure about that either! Thanks in advance!
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 How did you get her email? I didn't think radio or TV people gave stuff like that out to fans. Look no offense but it sounds like a mix of both maybe shes honestly not ready for a new relationship and shes really not that into you even as real life friends. If she was she would have taken you up the offer of the furniture shopping or suggested some other way for you guys to hang out sorry I couldn't offer something more hopeful to you...
mikesierra Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 I think the sweeping of the feet thing would be hit or miss. it's a gamble. I think the girls are right. I realize that it may be difficult but if she's not responding to many of your emails then I would suggest distancing yourself somewhat. As a guy, it's understandable that you want to take charge and get things rolling. But she's not a guy. You need to make her realize that she's missing out on something. maybe that means not talking to her, or at least not seeming so eager. You don't really have anything to lose. if it doesn't work out, then she's just being nice. if she comes around, then she just wasn't ready yet. your job is to make her realize that she's ready. and if she likes you, then she'll miss you soon enough.
Author calsa Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 How did you get her email? I didn't think radio or TV people gave stuff like that out to fans. Look no offense but it sounds like a mix of both maybe shes honestly not ready for a new relationship and shes really not that into you even as real life friends. If she was she would have taken you up the offer of the furniture shopping or suggested some other way for you guys to hang out sorry I couldn't offer something more hopeful to you... This radio station is 100% local (not owned by ClearChannel or whoever), so they're a bit more intouch with the community. As for furniture shopping, that was something I thought would be cool too, non pressuring etc... but a few people I talked to, said that helping to look at furniture and such, could be something she'd rather do with a bf, not just a guy friend.
Author calsa Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 I think the sweeping of the feet thing would be hit or miss. it's a gamble. I think the girls are right. I realize that it may be difficult but if she's not responding to many of your emails then I would suggest distancing yourself somewhat. As a guy, it's understandable that you want to take charge and get things rolling. But she's not a guy. You need to make her realize that she's missing out on something. maybe that means not talking to her, or at least not seeming so eager. You don't really have anything to lose. if it doesn't work out, then she's just being nice. if she comes around, then she just wasn't ready yet. your job is to make her realize that she's ready. and if she likes you, then she'll miss you soon enough. Most of what you said has been what has been said by a few friends of mine, so at least theres a general agreement about just pulling back and staying busy and if she comes around, great... if she doesn't, great... Its easier said then done in most cases, and does suck to not be in "control", but I have to maintain control of my life and thats all I can focus on. Her bday is about 1 1/2 months away, so I'm pretty much just going to take it easy from here till then, and maybe send her a message to say Hi/catch up or something, every so often.. but nothing to pressure things.. then I'd like to do something for her bday, but I haven't figured it out yet, because I know alot of her favorite things (the small things that count) so got some ideas to encompass alot of it, if things go okay when the time comes, if not, then not going to waste time or money on her
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 She is just being nice and placating you while fending off your attempts to date her. You can do something for her birthday, but I doubt it would get you more than a 'oh how nice and sweet that is'.
stepka Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 I think you should back off--if she's really telling the truth, she will appreciate it. There is nothing more irritating than having a man loitering in the wings waiting for you to get over a big upset even if you really like him and consider him a possibility--in other words, it won't tip the balance in your favor. In fact, I'm in similar circumstances, only I'm the woman who's had her heart broken (in a divorce situation) and this man keeps telling me that he's a very patient man, but he keeps calling and I'm starting to think of him as a stalker--it's too stressful by far. Now I know you're not a stalker, but it's better to make yourself too rare than too available b/c broken hearted women are easily annoyed.
Author calsa Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 I think you should back off--if she's really telling the truth, she will appreciate it. There is nothing more irritating than having a man loitering in the wings waiting for you to get over a big upset even if you really like him and consider him a possibility--in other words, it won't tip the balance in your favor. In fact, I'm in similar circumstances, only I'm the woman who's had her heart broken (in a divorce situation) and this man keeps telling me that he's a very patient man, but he keeps calling and I'm starting to think of him as a stalker--it's too stressful by far. Now I know you're not a stalker, but it's better to make yourself too rare than too available b/c broken hearted women are easily annoyed. Thank you, thats good enough for me and I will just disappear for awhile and get my focus back on things in my life. I definitely don't want her to see me as a stalker, nor do I want to "turn her off" from any possibility (if it exists/existed).
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