StrikeFreedom Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 For those who are not aware... I've been suffering from a case of unrequited love for over 3 years now. My story has been posted on this board for those wishing to give it a read and help me in my struggle. But this topic is about one of the mental issues I've been dealing with that started during this struggle. I need some help and advice to further my understanding and hopefully an eventual defeat of this issue. I recall for the first 8 months or so of knowing my beloved that I had been for the most part in a normal state of mind. But after some painful events that occured between her and I, I started day-dreaming a lot about the two of us because it made me feel better. Outside of my day-dreams however things weren't going well between us at all. She began to distance herself from me and it was killing me. I basically went through a year and a half of her giving me hope that things would work out between us but her never coming through and it was so painful I couldn't bare it. I have a feeling that this pain that I went through for so long over her has affected me mentally a lot. I constantly day-dream and think negative thoughts. I always feel depressed and I have have almost no control over my thoughts anymore. Does anyone have an idea of what I'm trying to get at? Because I need help...
Ronni_W Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Have you considered getting individual therapy to help you deal with your feelings, and regain control over your own thoughts? The thing is that you are also deriving (conscious and/or unconscious) benefits from all this "suffering" -- that is true for all of us -- our psyche does not engage in anything for which there is not also some type of tangible or perceived 'reward'...even when there are negative consequences, too. To get around that, we need to do a type of cost-benefit analysis -- what are you gaining and what is it costing you, to stay in this place that you've chosen for yourself? It may not feel like a real "choice", though. Which is where a therapist can be of great assistance. As an aside, do you know the story of Rumi and his unrequited love for Shams, and the vast body of romantic poems and spiritual works that resulted?
Author StrikeFreedom Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 I've considered therapy but I cannot afford it. I see what you mean. Thinking about it now I guess being in this state of mind makes me feel like I'm *smarter* if that makes any sense. I can't explain it but I feel like apart from the constant pain and lonelyness I feel myself being a lot smarter then I normally have ever been. The problem is I am extremely unproductive and unmotivated at times to do important things in my life. And this is a problem because I'm getting older now and I'm going to have a lot more responsibilities and my choices are going to impact my life more and more. I'm un-sure what I should do.
Ronni_W Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Well. How "smart" is it, really, to keep yourself in a pattern of being unproductive and unmotivated? Is it also "smart" to not be doing things that will help you create a positive, happy and successful future? And. I honestly can't see how it makes you "smart" to choose all this suffering and angst for yourself. IMO, choosing to suffer does not make you smart or noble, or anything in those realms. What to do is to redefine what "smart" really means to you. And then set some goals that will ACTUALLY demonstrate that you ARE smart and wise. Cos this crap that you've been pulling on yourself is the total opposite of all the normal and reasonable definitions of "smart" and wise. Reasonably priced therapy: Call your local psychotherapy and psychology training institutions, and ask if their graduating students offer low-cost or free sessions as part of their internship/practicum requirements. There may also be a counselor through your place of worship, or student services if you're attending school. Best of luck.
sedgwick Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 I think therapy is essential here. Only a trained professional can help you figure out what's grief and what's mental illness. Where I live, there are plenty of mental health centers with sliding scale fees. Have you looked into anything like that in your area?
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