sedgwick Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 I was walking down the street past a venue where his band used to play a lot, and there he was standing outside. I looked up just in time to see that I was about to pass him. I had on my headphones and I looked away and just kept going, and turned my iPod up loud so that if he said anything to me I didn't hear him. I didn't melt. I shook a lot, but I didn't have a sobbing breakdown in front of him. It's amazing, though, how the electricity surged through my body the second I saw him. I miss him so much and I want to be with him again, and I'm sad that I can't, but at least I got through the running-into-him-on-the-street thing I so feared. I don't have to fear it anymore. I just kept walking and didn't look back. I hope that if he saw me, he at least feels like a LITTLE bit of a sh*thead. Thank god he was talking to a group of guys and didn't have a girl with him. Whew. I'm proud of myself. I'm actually CONSIDERING going out and hearing music tonight...first time in a year and a half I will have heard live music, if I go. It's only three blocks away. Somebody give me some encouragement, please...
Zapbasket Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Yes! Go, go, go!!! Your encounter should make you feel like a million bucks, Sedgewick: it shows you how very far you've come in the past year and a half. Go out and celebrate YOU, okay? Congrats You've just crossed a big hurdle and should feel super proud of yourself. Now get on out there and keep moving forward.
Peter_pan Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 wow i feel for you. i know the feeling of electric all to well. yeah get you a$$ oot and go
Author sedgwick Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 I wonder if he saw me...and if he did, I wonder if he feels like a jerk now. I want him to feel like a jerk!!!
Peter_pan Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 he would have seen you no doubt about that. he may or may not feel like a jerk. most probably. but if he has someone new then i doubt he would feel that way. but still hope he felt something. im lucky i never get to see my ex. well when i did she wasnt with him, so made it easier. its when i saw both of them i felt sick
Author sedgwick Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 I did go out!! I did it I did it I did it!!! I heard live music for the first time in a year and a half. The best part is that there was a guy there in whom I was a little bit interested, someone I met about a month ago, and I knew he was going to be there. I got all dressed up and saw him, and walked up to the bar and gave him a hug and ordered a drink, and then he got all wrapped up in talking to a bunch of guys about music and I wandered off to listen to the band and he didn't follow me. I looked back a couple of times and he was still talking to these guys, and I finished my drink and thought, okay, that's it. You get one chance. I'm not hanging around waiting for you like I did with Joe. I walked past him, set my drink on the bar, and walked out. I don't think he even noticed. And so, that sort of sucked, because I got dressed up and I would have liked to talk to him. But I'm just not waiting around for any guys anymore, period. I'd rather be single forever than let one more of them wear me down.
Zapbasket Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Your last post totally put a smile on my face. Way to go! This is a great attitude you've got going. An aside: I'm totally picturing you in the west village. I used to love going there to listen to live music, and eat cheap and awesome falafel at this little hole-in-the-wall place. I'm jealous!
ninjaturtles Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 And so, that sort of sucked, because I got dressed up and I would have liked to talk to him. But I'm just not waiting around for any guys anymore, period. I'd rather be single forever than let one more of them wear me down. Wow...this is positive news. Things do get better then. lol. Well done, I would have freaked out if i were you. Totally freaked out. lol
Lishy Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Wow, wow and FREAKIN WOW!!!!!!!!!!! Sedge you have made me smile!!!!!!! I am soooooooo proud of youfor how you handles both situations! You rock and you should bloody know it!!! Yay
openbook08 Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 youve come a long way & i hope you know it i love this new attitude! feisty:p keep it up!!!
Author sedgwick Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 u in the west village. I used to love going there to listen to live music, and eat cheap and awesome falafel at this little hole-in-the-wall place. I'm jealous! I'm in the East Village.
DJMarky Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Thought I would be done with this forum after Japan but **** happens, oh well. Anyways, I only know your story very briefly but it sounds like you have come a long way. Congratulations. Give yourself a pat on the back. I on the other hand think I am back to square one, I have gone from feeling awesome in Japan, to nothing right now. To have my ex threaten to get her male friends to smash me, I mean I should be laughing at how pathetic she is but knowing she intentionally said hurtful things just because they were hurtful upsets me. You would think she would have gone past that point, but nope, she feels the need to rub in her cheating whore ways. Ok ok, ill stop hi-jacking this thread. Again, congratulations!
lofi_tokyo Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Hey Sedgwick! Its good to hear that you're doing better!! I so proud of you for just walking past Joe when you saw him! Personally, though I may be over my ex (for the most part) I have not yet seen him since the breakup, and if I did... I really don't know how I'd feel. Probably sick to my stomach. Lucky for me he lives 3hrs on a plane away I'm also happy that you're going out and meeting up with other guys, even if things arnt successful, sometimes its just getting out there that makes it all worth while, and whats more important is you're going out to enjoy music again! Yay!
Author sedgwick Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 Ugh, I just had a long intense getting-back-together-with-him dream. Ow. I'm also sort of bumming that the other guy didn't even send me an email to make sure I was okay, got home okay, didn't get stabbed outside the bar, etc. I mean, it really reinforces my sense of worthlessness in a way, but I'm trying not to let it. The dream set me back. I really miss him, dammit. But still I know I did the right thing in walking on by.
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