Moving Away and Losing Friends

[flippinyank]

It's been a year since I've moved from the States. Throughout the year, I've written emails and called friends to see how they are doing. Before I left, some have promised to visit but never came to fruition. I've gotten no response.

 

I even came back to the states for a few months last year, tried to get in touch with friends and nada. I feel as if I've done something wrong. If I honestly did, I don't know what. The only thing I did was move to another country for the one I love, what's so wrong about that? Do they not approve of him or my relationship or something? Do they think I'm irresponsible?

 

The weird thing about it is that I find them lurking on my blog on a weekly basis yet they never comment or send an email. It's like they are curious about my life but don't want to talk to me. I've had these friends since grammar school and all of sudden they've dropped like flies. WTH?

 

Has anyone who has moved away had this experience?

[Island Girl]

This totally sucks.

 

But it happens even just moving to another state, etc.

 

About 10 years ago I moved cross country for 9 months. That's it - 9 months.

And then I came back.

 

But in that time the women I used to talk to all the time, well, we didn't talk very much.

And when I came back they had gotten used to not calling me when they were going to meet, etc.

 

There were a few that I still was in touch with and I still am today.

 

But with the others I found it was more of a friendship where we saw each other and not just talking on the phone, etc.

 

It sucks. But if they aren't willing to make the effort it is better to know now.

I used to think I had lots of friends.

In actuality I have a few friends. The rest were or are "friendships of convenience".

I have learned not to allow these to have any impact on me - they are disposable - so I don't invest myself as I did before.

That takes time and effort on both sides and I have to be selective now.

 

It was a hard lesson for me because I have always given 100% to those I consider my friends. But other people aren't necessarily like that. It is what it is.

[KikiW]

I am going through a separation from my husband of 13 years and also involved in an LDR which is why I come to these forums.

 

I found that many of the people I considered close friends, including one I have known since 6th grade, have been having a very hard time with my divorce. Despite my husband and I insisting on an amicable divorce (we have been officially separated for 6 months but still cohabitate in the same house, with no issues that have not been resolved with an honest chat), I have come to believe that some people simply fear change. They are used to things a certain way - i.e. used to you being there, or me being married to my husband - and when that changes, they have trouble adjusting.

 

If you have tried to contact these people and are getting ignored or half-assed responses, I am so very sorry, but you should let them go. If they cannot even give you the courtesy of dropping a line once in a while (especially after you initiate contact), or manning-up to tell you they are angry with you about something, then they aren't the kind of friends you need.