Sinistral Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Ok, so I started dating this beautiful, I mean beautiful girl, and we have been together for over a year, but a few days ago she dumped me cause she felt like I wasn’t allowing her to breathe, and how I didn’t like that she hung out with guy friends. She says that if there’s any hope she needs space and time. But how will she notice my changing ways if she is spaced from me? She came over today to talk but shortly had to leave because everything reminded her of being with me and she started crying, so I brought her home right away. This hurts so bad and I need her back. We have been through so much, she is like a family member to me and my parents. It’s like being in a plane with a 50% chance of crashing, but not knowing it. Please help, whats going on? what should I do? The couple times she was here after the breakup, she liked to tickle me and was a bit playful, she also keeps giving me hugs. She txt me once in a while. There was no sign of hating me, she told me she still loves me and still has feeling for me, but how do I know she isn’t trying to forget me while were away? Am I just being paranoid? She says she is sick of crying and feeling like Im always gonna be mad at her for some reason and doesn’t like that feeling. I told her today, that it’s a matter of believing me that this has changed me. And I wanna take care of you and love you forever, and if you were to cry Its gonna be cause your happy. But then she said she had to go cause she needs space and being here wasn’t helping, I don’t get it??!!
not.who.you.think Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Dude sounds like your girl is a puppeteer. Might I suggest a solution? The best way to get a puppeteer's attention is to cut the strings. Move on. Be alittle cold to her but not in a mean way. Find new avenues, explore the world outside of her. When she sees that there is more to you than her, that there is a risk of losing you, she will come back. I think this is the change she's really looking for.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 When I separated from my XH and filed for divorce, I was still in love with him. There was a very slim hope of reconciliation if he had followed the information that I had found in this article: http://al.turtlecounseling.com/blog/_archives/2005/3/8/410458.html Seriously. Take it to heart. If he had followed this to the letter and if there hadn't been something very ugly and dark come up that he had lied to me about, we may have reconciled. The fact that he kept pushing is what pushed me away...the dark secret was the final nail in the coffin. So barring any weird secret you've been keeping from her, if you follow this, she may start to come around.
Viking Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 My ex took me for a ride. 2 years and 8 months we were together. She broke up with me once (one day before our year anniversary!) and we got back together about two weeks later. The second time we broke up, it was for good. We had a week where she took off for home and I wasn't allowed to call her, then she came back, we made up, but then two weeks later she ended it for good. You haven't said anything about her other than she's really pretty. What do you "love" about her? I've never posted my full story here on the forums, but I figure I can do that in my own thread. What I would recommend is to show her that you don't need her to prop your life up and that your life is complete without her, its just better with her. You want her back, but she doesn't know if she wants back in. Give her a game that she will want to buy back into because losing you would be worse than winning. But here's the catch, she has to do it on her own, but nothing says you can't help her in the process. Maybe be distant, aloof and a little less than exuberant to see her, after all, she is tugging at your heart strings, and believe me, those are some of the most delicate cords in the male body, I know because mine were abused and left in knots for months after my ex broke up with me. Your best bet is to keep busy and put everything you have that belongs to her in a box away from sight. She is still responsive to you, so you need to not be angry and throw it away. Maybe give it to her the next time she comes over and tell her that "Her breaking up and needing space has made me realize that I too need some breathing room, not only to evaluate what I want in life, where I'm going and what we're doing, but also to make sure that I have my head screwed on right, and that I can treat the most important person in the world the way they need and deserve to be treated." Maybe throw in a, "I am taking this opportunity to figure out if it's your person I love or just the closeness of another body I crave." This "deep thinking" will make her think she's on trial now instead of you being the defendant.
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