The invisible step.

[Nicodaemos]

You love someone. Not just in word, but in heart, mind, body, and sould. You give yourself to someone without question. You devote you being to another persons welfare, and happiness, because it brings joy to your life when they smile. But, what if something happens. What if the one you love ends up being different than who you thought? What if that person has flaws that prevent them from loving you in return? What if they do something unforgiveable? Its easy, for those in love. You work through anything that may happen. You find ways to adjust, people change over time afterall. Everyone deserves to be loved, even those that have issues, because it just may be thier saving grace. Forgiveness, always there for the one you love, it may have just been a fluke.

 

But, it takes two people. What happens if the other person walks away, wont accept the words, actions, emotions. What happens if they deny you your peace and even your solace?

 

It ends.

 

The most terrible of things, losing the one you love. Its like walking in the dark, but confident that all is well. Until you put your foot out, and find nothing. That step in the dark, that total lack of support when you have completely trusted another. That confused feeling, what happened, where did it go, why did it happen? Some are lucky enough to find thier answers. Some can take refuge in anger resulting froma betrayal. Some just fall, cry out for help into the dark silence, eternally hoping for that hand that always caught them before, to catch them again. But its not there. Some fall lightly, prepared, expecting it, some fall long and hard, some never get up. Some grab onto a hope, grasp that edge with thier very life, and never let go. Never see any support they may, or may not have, and stay there, always hoping.

 

What does one do when they find themselves in such a position? What happens to those that fall prey to the invisible step? Tell us here, what happened to you, was it just a trip, a minor breakup, or a fall that would have been your doom? What did you do to get past it, how did you get back up? Were there friends to assist you, carry you past, put you back on your feet? Or were you alone, drawing upon you own strength. Did you get angry, and use it to fuel you steps, or are you still there, lying where you fell, a victim of that hidden step.

 

I put this here as much for myself, as for others. Maybe as a prevention as well, for sometimes one can tell if it is coming. Through sharing of the pain, I hope that it can help your healing, and help the others as well. Did your actions eventually lead to a better and brighter future? Or was it cast into darkness, shadowed by that step, which now looms to block out your light. Share us your stories, so that others may draw the strength to walk again.

[Nicodaemos]

I will not ask anyone to do anything i have not, or am not willing to do, so i shall put my own fall here as well.

 

I knew her for about 8 months i think. We met online, in a game. It started as just being friends, and I never imagined she would have an interest in me. Much to my surprise, she did, and not only that, she was actually drawn to me. My first love she was, and we enjoyed our time together greatly. Distance was our enemy though. Being that we could only communicate online, and me losing my internet connection for a few months, led her to believe i didnt care. led her to believe things that werent true. When i returned, it is only to hear she is done, and wants to end it. I still had her thought, still had that hope, she still wanted me around, for she still liked me, as a friend. I love her still, and loved her then, but she never said she did, and i accepted that. But, i pushed too hard, and she misunderstood, thought i had threatened her, which i would never do. She thought i didnt listen to her, thought many things which were not true. A mind, once it sets upon a path, is hard to change. That is what i belive happened between us. That doubt got into her mind, took root and completely changed her thought. made her think there were things that werent. made her think there were women that werent. I told her many things, always the truth, but I guess that doubt made her not believe. I really dont know. But, i fell, never knew it was coming, I caught myself many times, but all for naught. A misunderstanding is what finished it. A misunderstanding, in an already hurt mind can block out all else.

 

So, now i have to move on, take her face from my screen, even though it haunts my dreams. Take thoughts of her from my mind. I have to think to myself, she wouldnt let herself go, wouldnt try and work through the problems, i dot let myself reason that it really doesnt explain things. some people just wont see whats in front of thier eyes, i dont know why. That question is most prevailant in my mind, why, but i ignore it, i ignore the questions, because if i dwell any further, i will never be able to let go. I have the luck, both good and bad, to have a mind that can work in many functions, and right now, it purely pragmatic. blocking out all they unfathomeable thinking that comes from emotions, and is only letting basic thoughts in. that is how i am standing back up. my mind wont let itself sink into that despair that I can feel threatening me. I want to lie down, and cry, just let everything overwhelm me, and live with her in my mind. but that is doom, for i can let myself hold that vague, and indistinct hope that she will one day change her thoughts, let them doubt their origin, and let me back. one day, but i dont let it rule me, i dont let it take control. I have been alone a long time, I have always kept to myself, and found comfort on the road. Once i can get back to driving, the true thereapy can begin. The hurt is there like i never knew could happen. but i ask myself, if this is how she does this, did i truly know who she was? When people change, and leave, continue to love them, but not this different person, you dont love them, you love the MEMORY, and that is what i love, the other person. the other person tha may one day, return, but i must stand up, open my eyes, and see myself as alone, and begin my search for another. I am scared, terrified, for i have never looked for someone before. never have i dated, never have i gone out to meet people. now though, when i see a woman, i will give her a chance, a thought. I am still overwhelmingly shy, but i will find a way.

 

I hope she can come back to me one day, and there will always be that ache in my chest whenever i think of her. But i cant stay there, for it only leads to more pain. Cant stay there, and live a life waiting for that one person, and never giving others a chance, for then i cannot grow myself. I want her, and will want her for so long of a time, but i have stood up, have opened my eyes, and can see why i fell. That really only makes it harder, cause i am a fixer, and i want to fix us.

 

I will take that step, and walk along, eyes open, hoping my path will cross hers again, but i wont stop others that cross mine. I will give others that chance at a future.

[LaughingCheetah]

Interesting topic. I'll send you something to your inbox later...

[Crow9726]

I'm there now...at the bottom...having been tossed from the precipice.

 

I can barely function...though I know I must.

 

Not enough energy to give details...but it is the most profound pain and hollow feeling I have ever experienced.

[Habibti]

You probably didn't know who she was. If she was who she said she was I have a hard time believing just because you lost internet connection she would shun you, but I guess maybe. Call me skeptical, I've witnessed too many people thinking they met someone online they could be with, then suddenly the other person pulls an issue out of thin air- a reason they need to break up or no longer speak. Then it comes out later on that person was lying about everything etc. I understand a lot of people are meeting online but it's important to meet that person in "real life" too and to be guarded until you do otherwise this is exactly what happens. Always remember one thing : if you reject a person, you might of made a mistake but if they reject you- rest easy knowing that in the long run they were not right for you to begin with.