casey001 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Hey loveshakers Here I am on my 21st birthday alone in my room crying I havent felt this sad for quite some time and didnt expect to feel so awful on my 21st that I ended up alone in my room crying I feel like a misrable failure right now I have had two boyfriends in my 21 years. These were the only two guys to ever show interest in me. The first broke my heart after he left me after two years for a model and never once spoke to me again. The second again broke my heart when he left me for his beautiful best friend. Both moved on with their happy lives and never looked back. And here I am all alone and broken hearted on my 21st. I know I wont ever find love again and if I do im sure they to are bound to leave me for someone else. Im not at all pretty and I dont have a nice figure. I thought I was a nice person but now I jus dont know, There must be something wrong with me for people to always leave and find someone better. My friends all are in relationships and spend so much times with their SO that I often feel like I have no friends Like right now they are all out with their SO and im home alone just feeling misrable. To be honest Ive totally given up on life. I havent been happy for so long and I feel as if there is ALWAYS someone out there better than me despite honestly my best efforts. Everyone leaves me Now I know there is so much worse that can happen to one and I do apologise for being selfish but I just feel so misrable tonight. I feel like no one cares for me and no one ever will. Im 21 now, supposed to be happy and loving life but im misrable and hurt. What do I do? I miss my exs so much that my heart aches :( Please encourage me to keep going Neither of them wished me happy birthday
Excellent Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Hey loveshakers Here I am on my 21st birthday alone in my room crying I havent felt this sad for quite some time and didnt expect to feel so awful on my 21st that I ended up alone in my room crying I feel like a misrable failure right now I have had two boyfriends in my 21 years. These were the only two guys to ever show interest in me. The first broke my heart after he left me after two years for a model and never once spoke to me again. The second again broke my heart when he left me for his beautiful best friend. Both moved on with their happy lives and never looked back. And here I am all alone and broken hearted on my 21st. I know I wont ever find love again and if I do im sure they to are bound to leave me for someone else. Im not at all pretty and I dont have a nice figure. I thought I was a nice person but now I jus dont know, There must be something wrong with me for people to always leave and find someone better. My friends all are in relationships and spend so much times with their SO that I often feel like I have no friends Like right now they are all out with their SO and im home alone just feeling misrable. To be honest Ive totally given up on life. I havent been happy for so long and I feel as if there is ALWAYS someone out there better than me despite honestly my best efforts. Everyone leaves me Now I know there is so much worse that can happen to one and I do apologise for being selfish but I just feel so misrable tonight. I feel like no one cares for me and no one ever will. Im 21 now, supposed to be happy and loving life but im misrable and hurt. What do I do? I miss my exs so much that my heart aches :( Please encourage me to keep going Neither of them wished me happy birthday Happy birthday! I have been where you are now. I was for many years. Mostly because i always was a very shy person, and had trouble talking and connecting to people. Eventhough i had (and still have) friends, good friends, i too often felt alone, and too often i felt sorry for myself. And when you start thinking negative, more negative thoughts will add automatically, and then your heading pretty quick downwards. In my case the military became my rescue. And it's very simple, you just can't afford to be shy there, because you are living and working so close with so many different people. I was forced to come out. I addition, things like thinking positive all the time, honor, selfrespect, hard work, no whining, was hammered into our heads from day 1. It's 3 years since i left the military, and i have missed it everyday since then. Now, i'm not saying you should join the military, hehe. But my point is you have to force yourself out of this negative thinking. If that means putting yourself into positions where these things are squeezed out, then do it. So what do you do? Well, if you feel unattractive - go the gym, eat healthier, buy new clothes. Change your attitude, this may be the hardest thing, but always be positive and cheerfull about anything. A person like that will automatically draw people towards them. Go out, just do things. Things you want to do. Don't allow yourself to wallow in missery. And once you start seeing progression from your workouts and hard work in general, your mood and thinking will go up by it's own. At the same time your doing all this hard work, you'll keep yourself occupied and forget the loneliness. And who knows, you might actually bump into someone new on the way, be it a new boyfriend or just a friend. See yourself as a prize, and act upon it (without being arrogant). When people notice they will chase you. And a little tip: Not all men are attracted to just looks, the way you behave and show as a person is equally attractive imo. I didn't have the slightest physical attraction to my ex at the beginning. I just thought she was "ok". But the more we talked and connected, the more interested i got. And i ended up running with my face first straight into the lovewall. And in the end i thought she was the most beatuiful creature on this planet, both in person and physically, and i would have gone through hell and back for her. Only bad thing is she ended up dumping me, but thats life i guess. It's okay to feel sorry for yourself from time to time, but don't do it too often and too long. Keep that chin up, stay strong! And again, happy birthday!
blondesmiler Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Happy Birthday. You know I think you should call all your friends today, say "hey its my 21st birthday I am feeling a bit low and lonely and am trying to arrange a mini party this evening can I count you in"....if these people are your real friends, unless they have totally unbreakable plans should be able to make drinks for a couple of hours or make lunch tomorrow. Then going forward, its hard (I am mid thirties and struggling with same things you are and my friends are married and have babies so even more trickey) but I still get out and about as much as I can, I have joined a couple of group things and am back down the gym from a winters absence. Basically no one is going to come knockin at your door, wave a magic wand and change it for you.....you have to do it yourself.
Author casey001 Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 Hey guys Thanks for the replies! Normally im not so much of a downer! I do go around the day with a smile on my face acting all happy but deep down I feel misrable! After my first break up I did everything reccomended. I joined a gym, got a new job, friends, and changed my look completely. For a while after the hurt subsided I felt great but now the depression seems to be coming creeping back I just feel like there is something wrong with me all the time. I mean I have been left twice for someone else! Also I dont think im at all attractive or have a great personality. No one seems to notice me,and if they do they always find someone else better after sometime. All my friends and my exs are in relationships, some are engaged and expecting kids etc. It makes me feel really lonely and like a failure. One of the things I really want is a husband and a family of my own but it seems that is never going to happen and it really upsets me. Sorry if this post makes no sense, its hard to explain how I feel right now! Hopefully someone out there will understand!
rainbowbrite Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 hey i hear ya! today is my birthday too! except im 22 today. and ive also had 2 bfs who both dumped me. i dont have much advice, but kno that u r not alone. and it does suck. and happy bday to us!
Peter_pan Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 happy b day! i to was on my own upset on my 21st. well in fact i went out and only one of my mates bothered to see me. i would say things get better but at least in my case they havnt
Author casey001 Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 thanks rainbow brite, in a strange way that makes me feel slightly better that im not the only person to always be getting dumped! What happened in your relationships? And peterpan thanks for your response. I actually follow your posts alot! You both seem like great people and lets just hope things start to look better for us. This may sound stupid and I apologise to anyone older, but now that I have turned 21 im kinda freaking out that my time is up for finding someone! Everyone is in serious relationships and I feel like im the only one left! Like there is no one left out there for me now! Is this stupid? Sigh im just tired of being unhappy and alone, I wish there was someone out there for me!
ninjaturtles Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 thanks rainbow brite, in a strange way that makes me feel slightly better that im not the only person to always be getting dumped! What happened in your relationships? And peterpan thanks for your response. I actually follow your posts alot! You both seem like great people and lets just hope things start to look better for us. This may sound stupid and I apologise to anyone older, but now that I have turned 21 im kinda freaking out that my time is up for finding someone! Everyone is in serious relationships and I feel like im the only one left! Like there is no one left out there for me now! Is this stupid? Sigh im just tired of being unhappy and alone, I wish there was someone out there for me! Hey!! Happy birthday!! First of all, I totally understand where you are coming from. I am 22 however on my 21st birthday I was going through a break up as well. In all modesty, people think I am very attractive and I do have a nice body! However I have been dumped twice as well. My self esteem was brusied! I wondered if I had a problem. I was loving, caring, homely, generous etc. So why did I keep getting dumped? Well my exes did apologise for the way they treated me about a year after we split. However the point of this message is this- no there is absolutely nothing wrong you and you need to realise that looks are not everything. Infact most of my friends in serious relationships are average looking, but they have beautiful personalities. You need to stop attaching so much importance to looks!! I am sure you are far from ugly and you have a great personality. Just 'cos your exes did not appreciate you, does not mean another man wouldn't. You are only 21 years and have many more years to find love. Be rest assured that I have been through all this. However this too shall pass! Be positive! Remember- just 'cos your exes did not appreciate you doesn't mean you are not worthy of love! It simply means they are not the ones for you. You don't need them to validate your worth.___________________________________________________________________________________________ Be patient and enjoy your youth. The right guy will come and you will look back and remember all this. Besides how old were your exes? Guys that age usually fail to appreciate good women!! In later years, they become more mature and tend to regret their actions! (Just like my exes did). It may take years and years however by then you would have moved on! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Keep posting and happpyyyyy birthday!!! Smileeeee, we have all had the same experiences, but this too shall pass!!!! Keep posting xxxxx
Peter_pan Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 And peterpan thanks for your response. I actually follow your posts alot! You both seem like great people and lets just hope things start to look better for us. This may sound stupid and I apologise to anyone older, but now that I have turned 21 im kinda freaking out that my time is up for finding someone! Everyone is in serious relationships and I feel like im the only one left! Like there is no one left out there for me now! Is this stupid? Sigh im just tired of being unhappy and alone, I wish there was someone out there for me! well im glad to hear that, flattered that you follow my never ending posts lol yeah i feel exactly like this to. i am now concentrating on ME no one else. i want to do well in life. i am trying to decide wether to purse university and study architecture or study animation again or... go and join the RAF and become an air traffic controller... ugh decisions and ps, there will be somebody out there for you.
sedgwick Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Happy birthday! It really will get better. I know you don't want to hear "you're young," but you ARE, and you have a whole life of love and romance ahead of you. Really!!
e.clipse Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 hello, where do you live? if you lived closer, i'd invite you out for a drink. today is your birthday, sweetie, don't waste it feeling miserable. when i turned 21 almost two years ago, i was just crying and crying and being all suicidal. i kept thinking about how much fun my friend's 21st birthday had been, and how i, by contrast, was so miserable on mine. it made me feel really sad, lonely, and hopeless. towards the end of it, a friend of mine showed up by surprise, and we went out for some drinks. while that made me feel a little better, i was still very depressed. today, in hindsight, i wish i hadn't wasted my birthday like that. it's a nice "milestone" or whatever...at least one that should not be spent weeping over people who don't deserve it. but you know, this issue goes beyond being alone on your birthday, i think. but, for the meantime, if you still can, go out and do something. i'm sure you can find someone to go out with. today is about you, not those ****ing bastards.
Author casey001 Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 ninga turtle Thanks so much for that response!!! That made me feel Sooo much better!!! You have no idea!!!!! And I know everything you say is right! I really do just need to get out there and live. I just find it hard tho when ive been hurt so much But anyway your response was just amazing!!! I cant thankyou enough!! You post sounds like it could have been written by me!! Im really sorry to hear about your exs but there is obviously nothing at all wrong with you!! It was just unfortunate thay I hope things are good with you got involved in complete jerks!! But that sooo cool that they aplolgised later on!!!! Would love to hear more of your story!! Peterpan Yup I do always follow your posts! I feel your pain alot! And I know how you feel, its been over a year for me to and I still miss my ex How are you feeling now? I know things will work out for you as you seem like such a great guy!! Feel free to drop me a pm if u ever want to talk or just rant!! Sedwick Thanks for that reassurance!! Made me feel a lot better! And omg cant believe you ran into joe!! You did such a great job composing your self!! Im sure he feels like a complete Jerk!! haha Hun I have followed pretty much all of your posts since 2007 and trust me HES NOT WORTH IT!!!! Coming from an outsider, I couldnt believe how you could want back such a jerk! I know you loved him but trust me you have SOOOOO much going for you and could do SOOOOO much better!!! And Eclipse I would love to come out for a drink with you!! If your anywhere near oz feel free to drop in!!! Your totally right when yoy say not to be upset on my 21st!! I decided just to push my hurt aside for a while and plan an outing for the weekend! And you so right when you say they dont deserve my pity!! Thanks so much hun!! Hope things are ok with you!!!
ninjaturtles Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 ninga turtle Thanks so much for that response!!! That made me feel Sooo much better!!! You have no idea!!!!! And I know everything you say is right! I really do just need to get out there and live. I just find it hard tho when ive been hurt so much But anyway your response was just amazing!!! I cant thankyou enough!! You post sounds like it could have been written by me!! Im really sorry to hear about your exs but there is obviously nothing at all wrong with you!! It was just unfortunate thay I hope things are good with you got involved in complete jerks!! But that sooo cool that they aplolgised later on!!!! Would love to hear more of your story!! Peterpan Yup I do always follow your posts! I feel your pain alot! And I know how you feel, its been over a year for me to and I still miss my ex How are you feeling now? I know things will work out for you as you seem like such a great guy!! Feel free to drop me a pm if u ever want to talk or just rant!! Sedwick Thanks for that reassurance!! Made me feel a lot better! And omg cant believe you ran into joe!! You did such a great job composing your self!! Im sure he feels like a complete Jerk!! haha Hun I have followed pretty much all of your posts since 2007 and trust me HES NOT WORTH IT!!!! Coming from an outsider, I couldnt believe how you could want back such a jerk! I know you loved him but trust me you have SOOOOO much going for you and could do SOOOOO much better!!! And Eclipse I would love to come out for a drink with you!! If your anywhere near oz feel free to drop in!!! Your totally right when yoy say not to be upset on my 21st!! I decided just to push my hurt aside for a while and plan an outing for the weekend! And you so right when you say they dont deserve my pity!! Thanks so much hun!! Hope things are ok with you!!! lol...You sound like such a great person!!!! You are welcome. I am glad I could be of help. The people on here (LS) helped me get through my break up. Honestly. They were like my best friends. Had it not been for LS, I would have done a lot of stupid things!!! Hmmmm, Okay I will give you a brief summary. My Ex was very mean to me after the breakup. He got into another relationship (infact I wasn't aware of this until months after). Obviously it was so easy for him to move on. He got into another relationship with a girl he had known for years. He was very callous (to put things mildly). Fast foward to today (1 year, 6 months after)-- They have broken up. He sent me an email, apologising. I NEVER EVER expected he would send such. Infact he called me up about a week ago and I wasnt very nice to him. The point is tables have turned. Now, he never asked me for a reconciliation directly. However, he has been giving subtle signs that he regrets his actions. The email, the calls, the messenger messages- he even added me back to facebook (after I deleted him twice). This was someone who ignored me pretty much for about a year. He lost it all. The girl he was dating appears to be back with her ex.(lol). By the way, I dont know who broke up with who. My ex on the other hand, has lost out on our relationship. This is because I have moved on (I still care about him and think about him sometimes), but I realise I wll never take him back after the way he treated me, unless he moves mountains or something extra ordinary. I remember the days I longed for him to call me, for him to tell me he made a mistake, for him to apologise. He never did. Now, year and half later he is the one reaching out and I am the one not responding. I wasn't the best, the prettiest girl in the world, the richest, the most intelligent-- but I was pretty enough, (quite pretty in all modesty) good enough and intelligent enough to be loved. Everyone is. Yet, he threw it all away and took it for granted, treating me like garbage! Well, the saying goes ' he who laughs last, lasts the longest'. That's a summary of my story. I still care for him and i think a part of me will always have a soft spot for him. However I am able to think rationally and I have moved on. So will you my dear. I have friends, whose exes apologised 4 to 5 years laters. Yes, it took that long! Learn from these experiences.When you meet the right one for you, you will look back at them all. Yes, he move on with his best friend, however it is the end that matters. In 3 years time or two years time or even a year's time, the story might have changed. Just think positively, focus on yourself and realise that we all have been through similar experiences. I hope you enjoyed your weekend:)??
Montclair0011 Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Hey Casey, I read your post and I just felt so sad because I remember being in the same position as you back when I was your age. I'm over 50 now and, well, to be honest, I've still got some serious relationship issues but I'm older and wiser. Things did get WAY better for me in my later 20's and 30's and I had a long marriage and have a wonderful child. I would have made a big mistake if I had given up on life at 21. But I do have some misgivings about the ways I acted in the past and I hope you can listen to my suggestions based on experience and try to act on some of them. I know it is difficult to change and to believe that the pain will ever go away but at 21 there is almost nothing stopping you from achieving your desire for a better life full of love. First stop hating yourself and see what you can do with what you have. You are what you are and that's that. It's easier to be beautiful but lots of so-so looking people end up happy. Just do what you can to increase your positive features and then accept yourself as you are. Go to the gym, wear more attractive clothes, get your hair done, etc. If you have some major fixable flaw that bugs you like weight or your nose, etc. make a plan to eliminate them. I had a big struggle about the size of my nose and I never did get it fixed and in hindsight I think I should have. But if you do anything major like surgery do lots of research first and make sure you are going with someone reputable. At 21 you might not have a lot of money so your plan might be to accept yourself now and revisit expensive changes at 30 if needed. Second, work on your life as though you will be alone for the rest of it. The worst thing you can do is feel that a life without a man is not living. It kind of is but you have to be strong and prepared to face the world on your own just in case. The worst thing is becoming a doormat where you just act sooooo nice and supportive all the time and then they take advantage of your help then and dump you for a bitch. I don't think you need to become a bitch yourself, it's OK and I think preferable to be a nice person, but learn how to set up boundaries so you do not loose yourself in another person. I would suggest you work with a therapist on this as they can really help. I did not get deeply involved in therapy until I was in my late 40's after my husband (who I helped become sucessful in the career I wanted to be in) ran off with an old friend. Big mistake. Third, have a career that you are interested in and that you can support yourself at. Financial independence will make you feel stronger. If you are not now in school, get into one or take classes at night. Get as many degrees as you can while young. School is also a great place to meet guys. I do have a great education and that has helped me a lot, although I spent many years working at something I was not so good at. Im in transition now and hoping things will improve. It's better to aim when young towards something you love where there are jobs and opportunities. You will feel better about yourself and less desparate if you are self-supporting and feel good about what you do. Fourth, enjoy life and don't focus on material things. Cultivate interests in art, music, reading, movies, sports, etc. things that don't cost a lot and make you think about things in unique and challenging ways. These are also more great ways to meet guys and new friends (I think you need some new friends). Check out local events and go to them. Don't be afraid to go to the movies alone. All of this activity will make you a more attractive and intersting person and will provide you with somethign to think about besides crappy men who don't call on your birthday. Fifth, develop a good sense of humor and think of life as an adventure or a sit com with lots of ups and downs. And if all else fails, try internet dating. As a 21 year old you will get TONS of attention from the men who should be dating me. :-) Have fun, but look for someone within 5 years of your own age, as that's the best for long-term compatabiity (IMHO--lots of older men would disagree). Good luck. Happy belated birthday!
runner Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Hey loveshakers Here I am on my 21st birthday alone in my room crying What do I do? the last thing you need right now is some loveshack pity so i'm not giving you any what i will say is happy birthday and cheers to you, darlin its your birthday - you're old enough to be at any pub and young enough to do something crazy (preferably with someone cute). now get to it !
pookey Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Hope you had a happy birthday. My advise: A confident woman is the most sexy. One who knows what she wants and how to get it. Sounds cliche I know but I personally am not attracted to whiners,clingers, smotherers and the like. You don't need a boisterous personality or gorgeous physique or beautiful face. My best friend once dated a drop dead girl but she was obnoxiously loud and petty and JEALOUS(a sure relationship killer). After we got to know her well we actually thought of her as an ugly person. A lot of good advise on here as far as working out, eating better etc. Are you in school? Join a club and go to mixers. Volunteer around the community(many businessmen are involved in community events). Do you work in a mostly female workplace? Maybe looking for a more diverse place to work can help.Take a vacation with only the girls. A group of girls on vacation is quite attractive! And you are only 21. Most people don't even get married until late 20's and 30's these days anyway-they are out having too much fun to settle down. My words of wisdom from my therapist: You must first love yourself before you can expect others to love you.
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