Men stay attractive longer then women and Peek later in life

[susyq76]

My observation is that men who are interested in marriage tend to think this way and men who are not interested in marriage tend to think the way you describe. Women almost ALL want marriage but some have to settle for men who won't commit; the ones that think as you describe. In the past those women likely were courted by at least one man willing to commit, and could have probably attracted others, but they opted to do other things while their dating market value was at it's highest. Once the rush of male attention starts to fade the options narrow fast, since many of those marriage minded men are off the market and many more are finding they have a lot of options back in the land of high dating market value women. In other words, older women find they are competing for a relatively small pool of marriage minded men against younger women.

----

 

This is funny. You don't think that men have a smaller pool to date when they get older??? Its the same case, many of the "high quality" women are TAKEN. The younger high quality men don't have an interest in an old man. So, this arguement is the same for both sides. Men AND Women have a harder time finding a life partner the older they get. It is not just women.

 

Like I said before, I am 32 with a Masters degree and 6 figure income. I have good morales and I am a good person. I've never been dumped in my life. I'm considered a good catch. Every ex that I have would take me back at the drop of a dime. With that being said, I REFUSE to date a man more than 4 years older than me! I can bet you my entire salary that if I am still single at 40 I will still have high success with dating men my age because the bottom line is that HIGH QUALITY young women THESE DAYS do not want an old man. Times have changed. This is not 1950. Women are INDEPENDENT now and no longer need that older man for financial support nor validation. Additionally, more women are HAPPY single. Therefore, women are taking less and less crap from men and opting to be single. Hence the reason the divorce rate has increased tremendously.

 

P.Sl in the age of a higher than 50% divorce rate I highly doubt that most men nor most women will be taken! Again, this isn't 1950!

[2sure]

I didnt read the whole thread , just the first post.

This past weekend, at a table of 4 couples, we discussed just this.

But we came up with the opposite. We all thought that men age more slowly up until 35ish and after that the women improved while they declined.

 

Granted, lifestyle matters - including financial - gym memberships, how much and where you work, if you have a cosmetic rider on your health ins, how often you vacation, and spa visits.

 

Even without all the extras it seems like the majority of "baby weight" is kept by the husbands at the same rate they lose their hair. Nothing wrong with either - just something we noted. And we women love them anyway.

[Jersey Shortie]

Nope. Older women are not as suitable for consideration when seeking to start a marriage.

 

Either are older men.

 

In many other ways they are as good or in some cases better. For instance they are much better for being the beloved wife of 20 years. I'd actually say a 45 year old woman is ideal for that position. Further, a 55 year old woman is perfect for celebrating a 30th wedding anniversary with.

 

Maybe women don’t think it’s worth it anymore? Who wants to be with a guy that’s going to condemn her for not living a pre-prescribed fantasy of saying when she should do this or be that instead of accepting her for who she is and the person she is today.

 

My observation is that men who are interested in marriage tend to think this way and men who are not interested in marriage tend to think the way you describe. Women almost ALL want marriage but some have to settle for men who won't commit; the ones that think as you describe. In the past those women likely were courted by at least one man willing to commit, and could have probably attracted others, but they opted to do other things while their dating market value was at it's highest. Once the rush of male attention starts to fade the options narrow fast, since many of those marriage minded men are off the market and many more are finding they have a lot of options back in the land of high dating market value women. In other words, older women find they are competing for a relatively small pool of marriage minded men against younger women.

 

You should be in the enviable position of still riding near the peak of your desirability.

 

Please don’t tell me what you consider my peak of desirability is. And what does it matter anyway? After this discussion with you, I’ve discovered that it’s fairly obvious for women that we can’t win with men because if most men are like you, it’s obvious you are ready to condemn and tar and feather us no matter what. Damned if we do damned if we don’t. All that matters is you and your needs and wants right?

 

You’ve completely missed my point to rally on something that doesn’t have much to do with the comment I made. Mainly being men and women using different words but speaking the same language. Men don’t complain about getting married. They complain about not getting sex once in a relationship. Key words here being *in a relationship*. You keep taking it out of context of casual relationships which is baffling.

 

You justify your life choices by being a late bloomer but make these high handed claims about women and what they should or shouldn’t have been doing with their life. You condemn them for the fact that they didn’t take every man up on his offer to be with them, completely ignoring such important issues of his true long term compatibility with that person. Playing the victim that these poor men are so eager to be loyal committed men and any woman that didn't happily bob along eager for any man that would sustain a long term relationship with her despite compatiblity issues, deserves to be condemned for it.

 

“Maybe I'm a late bloomer, I just started at about 38 or so myself. It seems wrong to me to start a family without good reason to believe I can provide for them. I wish I could have had my life in a better place when I was 34 or so but it wasn't. I'm doing the best I can.

 

Good, glad that you are doing the best you can. I sincerely mean that. That’s really all we are doing too. Men and women. No one’s life goes as exactly as planned. If you give yourself grace to be a late bloomer, why do you hold it against women instead of also giving them that same grace as well? Earlier in you post you said:

 

“Never said that, all I said is that any given man will do the best he can for himself, as will any given woman. When thinking marriage, different concerns come to mind than for lesser relationships. Of course I consider them real women, I just think they may have made life choices that are counter to their later desires in some common cases.

 

Haven’t you made life choices that countered your later desires? Should you be considered only worthy of “lesser” relationships for it? Your words, not mine. Should women take pity on you for not fitting into a script of life that most men do?

 

I ask you these questions because it’s the impression that you prescribe a different sent of rules for yourself then for others. You seem to be holding women to a higher standard that you don’t request of yourself. You feel sorry of women that don’t have their life sorted out at a certain age and tell them their boat will/has/had sailed but you make justifications why you didn’t have your life where you wanted it at 34 and think you are more deserving of the things you desire *despite*your own life choices while condemning for women *because* of theirs.

 

Unfortunate for them, but it's not my task to personally save them from the consequences of their actions.

 

You mean the same consequences that possibly lead you to not being where you wanted to be by a certain age yourself? But now have the expectation that you are more deserving of your wants while holding women to a ridiculous and hypocritical rule about their own choices and desires being more accountable than your own?

 

I hope you find what your looking for. But to tell women they are not to expect marriage and love and being valued on a deeper level then sex, because they didn’t meet some expectation of having their life perfect and figured out before 25, while you couldn’t get yours to that point at 34, is tripe

 

No, I planned ahead so I would never have to worry about it. Different thing

 

You say pomegranate…. *shrug*

[Jersey Shortie]

I've dated older guys (late 30s) that were talking marriage within a couple months of dating. I find that many older guys are SEARCHING high and low for a wife. So, if a woman wants to get married they can simply seek those type of men . Typically, YOUNGER guys are less willing to commit and marry. On the contrary, older guys are typically seeking a wife, family, and someone to look after them.

 

I've experienced the same issues with dating older guys. They often want to move too fast.

[Sam Spade]

My observation is that men who are interested in marriage tend to think this way and men who are not interested in marriage tend to think the way you describe. Women almost ALL want marriage but some have to settle for men who won't commit; the ones that think as you describe. In the past those women likely were courted by at least one man willing to commit, and could have probably attracted others, but they opted to do other things while their dating market value was at it's highest. Once the rush of male attention starts to fade the options narrow fast, since many of those marriage minded men are off the market and many more are finding they have a lot of options back in the land of high dating market value women. In other words, older women find they are competing for a relatively small pool of marriage minded men against younger women.

----

 

This is funny. You don't think that men have a smaller pool to date when they get older??? Its the same case, many of the "high quality" women are TAKEN. The younger high quality men don't have an interest in an old man. So, this arguement is the same for both sides. Men AND Women have a harder time finding a life partner the older they get. It is not just women.

 

Like I said before, I am 32 with a Masters degree and 6 figure income. I have good morales and I am a good person. I've never been dumped in my life. I'm considered a good catch. Every ex that I have would take me back at the drop of a dime. With that being said, I REFUSE to date a man more than 4 years older than me! I can bet you my entire salary that if I am still single at 40 I will still have high success with dating men my age because the bottom line is that HIGH QUALITY young women THESE DAYS do not want an old man. Times have changed. This is not 1950. Women are INDEPENDENT now and no longer need that older man for financial support nor validation. Additionally, more women are HAPPY single. Therefore, women are taking less and less crap from men and opting to be single. Hence the reason the divorce rate has increased tremendously.

 

P.Sl in the age of a higher than 50% divorce rate I highly doubt that most men nor most women will be taken! Again, this isn't 1950!

 

A woman dating a man 3-5 years older has always been more or less the norm. The reverse - not so much. 5 years may not seem like much, but that's precisely the additional margin of flexibility that, on average, men seem to have past 30 as far as timing of marriage is concerned.

 

I'm 32, and my gislfriend is 29. This may change as I age and if things don't work out with her (hopefully they will), but with an eye to marriage, I'd try to avoid a woman older than that, unless she's really exceptional in other areas... It's not being superficial, it's being pragmatic: say we get married in 2 years, by that time she'll be 32. I (and she) wouldn't want to have kids right away, but would prefer to wait at least 1-2 years to establish good joint life, have some fun, perhaps travel etc. By that time, she'll be 34, which is pretty close to the period when people need to be more considerate of the health implications of pregnancy etc. Not a death sentence, just something to be mindful about. after all, my mother gave birth to me at the age of 37 and i turned out just fine (though many here would disagree ). But, the likelihood of risks increases etc.

[Jersey Shortie]

They call that desperation.

 

Well, I don't think that's fair to say. They, like women, want a chance to have the relationships they want from life. And that's okay. I think we all feel are age more as we get older. It's not something women or men are immune to.

 

 

But, the likelihood of risks increases etc.

 

As it does with men as well.

[Sam Spade]

Well, I don't think that's fair to say. They, like women, want a chance to have the relationships they want from life. And that's okay. I think we all feel are age more as we get older. It's not something women or men are immune to.

 

Nobody has ever questioned this here, of course everyone wants and deserves a chance. The problem is that chances are not given for free by the bucket regardless of what we do - making certain choices has certain consequences, and this applies both for men and for women. If you spend your 20's " just having fun", that's fine, but that may and in all likelihood - will, complicate things in the 30s as far as marriage is concerned - no matter if you're a man or a woman. It's just being aware of the cost of the choices and the tradeoffs. I could dump my current girlfriend just for the sake of "doing better". And for the next 5-7 years at least I would be able to. But, why be so short-sighted and risk a good relasionthip just because I've got everything going on for me right now? It won't last forever, so I'd be wise to move in when it's time. So I'm making the choice to forgo some opporutnities to "have fun", precisely in order not to find myself in a situation where I'm considerably older and see my chances to begin to decline. Women seem to be less sensitive to this process because of the false reassurance of constant male attention. Of course there will always be someone out there that will want to sleep with you/date you, whatever. But marriage is more complicated than that.

[clv0116]

Either are older men.

 

You might be right, but I'm currently dating 3 beautiful young women who say you're wrong. It's not a statistically significant result but it's certainly personally significant.

 

 

Maybe women don’t think it’s worth it anymore? Who wants to be with a guy that’s going to condemn her for not living a pre-prescribed fantasy of saying when she should do this or be that instead of accepting her for who she is and the person she is today.

 

I think you're just angry in general and venting at me. No person is going to 'accept' someone 'for who they are' if who they are is fundamentally different from who they want. That's just crazy talk.

 

 

After this discussion with you, I’ve discovered that it’s fairly obvious for women that we can’t win with men because if most men are like you, it’s obvious you are ready to condemn and tar and feather us no matter what. Damned if we do damned if we don’t. All that matters is you and your needs and wants right?

 

Of course not.

 

 

You’ve completely missed my point to rally on something that doesn’t have much to do with the comment I made.

 

The comment you made has nothing to do with anything I'm remotely interested in discussing. If you want to talk about long term relationships that don't lead to marriage I'm not the guy to discuss that with because I don't believe in them.

 

 

Men don’t complain about getting married. They complain about not getting sex once in a relationship. Key words here being *in a relationship*. You keep taking it out of context of casual relationships which is baffling.

 

See above. For me it's leading to marriage or it's casual.

 

 

You justify your life choices by being a late bloomer but make these high handed claims about women and what they should or shouldn’t have been doing with their life.

 

If marriage is important, and for a lot of women it seems to be, then they would have been wiser to marry when the suitors were fast and thick. It's an observation of fact and nothing more.

 

 

You condemn them for the fact that they didn’t take every man up on his offer to be with them, completely ignoring such important issues of his true long term compatibility with that person.

 

The guy she eventually wants to marry was there all along. Too bad he's already married now.

 

 

Good, glad that you are doing the best you can. I sincerely mean that. That’s really all we are doing too. Men and women. No one’s life goes as exactly as planned. If you give yourself grace to be a late bloomer, why do you hold it against women instead of also giving them that same grace as well?

 

I don't hold it against them, they are just not what I and many other marriage minded men are looking for. Sorry.

 

 

Haven’t you made life choices that countered your later desires? Should you be considered only worthy of “lesser” relationships for it? Your words, not mine. Should women take pity on you for not fitting into a script of life that most men do?

 

As I noted above, I'm doing OK here, don't you worry.

 

 

I ask you these questions because it’s the impression that you prescribe a different sent of rules for yourself then for others. You seem to be holding women to a higher standard that you don’t request of yourself.

 

Again, each individual can do as they please but it's good to note that older marriage minded men seem to mostly get what they want whereas the same cannot uniformly be said for older marriage minded women. Younger women would perhaps be well served to consider this.

 

Than, not then.

 

 

You mean the same consequences that possibly lead you to not being where you wanted to be by a certain age yourself? But now have the expectation that you are more deserving of your wants while holding women to a ridiculous and hypocritical rule about their own choices and desires being more accountable than your own?

 

I don't believe in 'deserve', but I do believe one should live life to get what they want. I'm getting what I want, and it saddens me that women my age are not, but that doesn't mean I have to marry one.

 

 

I hope you find what your looking for. But to tell women they are not to expect marriage and love and being valued on a deeper level then sex,

 

They can expect anything but a lot of them are disappointed due to unrealistic expectations leading to life choices that didn't pan out as expected. Perhaps better to have realistic expectations and live accordingly?

[susyq76]

 

I'm 32, and my gislfriend is 29. .

 

 

Funny. I'm a woman and I'm 32 and my live-in significant other is 29. We've been together for 3+ years. Additionally, when I met him he was dating a 22 year old and opted for the 29 year old...ME!

 

My best friend is 32 and her husband is 29. My girlfriend that just got married last week is 33 and her husband is 30. My other friend that is married (i only have 3 married friends) is 32 and her husband is 30. So, in my life, the norm is the opposite. Pretty much all my friends that are married or in a serious relationship are older than their men! Again, its not 1950.

[Isolde]

For all the single girls I know in the 22-25 age range, the suitors are decidedly NOT coming "fast and thick." This is a flaw in your argument.

[susyq76]

You might be right, but I'm currently dating 3 beautiful young women who say you're wrong. It's not a statistically significant result but it's certainly personally significant.

 

 

We're not saying you can't find someone young to date just like I knwo 40 years old women that date young (20s/early 30s) guys. I even know a 50 year old woman with a 30 year old boyfriend. So, of course anyone can find someone to date. The point is that if you're over 35 (man or woman) your dating pool is smaller. I am 32, and CLV0116 if you're over 35 I WOULD NOT DATE YOU!! I may let you take me out on a few dates just to past the time but I'd NEVER consider you for anything serious nor marriage because bottom line..I want my children to have a YOUNG dad. I'd like a YOUNG energetic man. I have no desire to date someone that is older than 35..and I'm 32. So, again, yes, you may find some women willing to date you but you'll also find some that are NOT willing to date you based on your age... Just like I wouldn't date anyone under 28...Ugh...28-35 is my range.

[susyq76]

Nobody has ever questioned this here, of course everyone wants and deserves a chance. The problem is that chances are not given for free by the bucket regardless of what we do - making certain choices has certain consequences, and this applies both for men and for women. If you spend your 20's " just having fun", that's fine, but that may and in all likelihood - will, complicate things in the 30s as far as marriage is concerned - no matter if you're a man or a woman. It's just being aware of the cost of the choices and the tradeoffs. I could dump my current girlfriend just for the sake of "doing better". And for the next 5-7 years at least I would be able to. But, why be so short-sighted and risk a good relasionthip just because I've got everything going on for me right now? It won't last forever, so I'd be wise to move in when it's time. So I'm making the choice to forgo some opporutnities to "have fun", precisely in order not to find myself in a situation where I'm considerably older and see my chances to begin to decline. Women seem to be less sensitive to this process because of the false reassurance of constant male attention. Of course there will always be someone out there that will want to sleep with you/date you, whatever. But marriage is more complicated than that.

 

This is the smartest response I've read all day :-)

 

I agree, both men and women should be conscious of the decisions that they make in general as both of our dating pools decline as we get older. It is a fact of life. Men also have health risks with having children young. They found that many couples that couldn't conceive thought it was mom but it was DAD. Your sperm count drops and you have "unhealthy" sperm as well. Meaning, the kids can have birth defects.

 

Nonetheless, I agree with Sam to a certain extent except I believe people NEED their 20s to live life, have fun, figure out what they want in life etc. etc. I personally regret having serious relationships in my 20s. (16-23 was my first then 25-28 my second and Then 29-32 and still going my third and final. ) I envy my friends who LIVED IT UP in their 20s and got serious about finding a life partner in their late 20s/early 30s.

[Sam Spade]

Funny. I'm a woman and I'm 32 and my live-in significant other is 29. We've been together for 3+ years. Additionally, when I met him he was dating a 22 year old and opted for the 29 year old...ME!

 

My best friend is 32 and her husband is 29. My girlfriend that just got married last week is 33 and her husband is 30. My other friend that is married (i only have 3 married friends) is 32 and her husband is 30. So, in my life, the norm is the opposite. Pretty much all my friends that are married or in a serious relationship are older than their men! Again, its not 1950.

 

 

Good for y'all - caught the last train ! Just kidding, kinda. The key thing here is the people you refer to are already married, not just starting to try to get there. I myself had dated a 30 year old girl when I was in my early 20s (though certainly not with the thought of marriage).

 

Look, I have no interest to insult anybody. I'm just reporting my own perception - it may be the product of biological or social factors that I do not understand - that at my age, 32, whenever I consider a woman older than me something just seems off. I don't have to be "right", just reporting how I feel, and apparently many other men feel the same. If anything, i wish everybody could just be happy, so we could all shut up and let this place die .

[clv0116]

For all the single girls I know in the 22-25 age range, the suitors are decidedly NOT coming "fast and thick." This is a flaw in your argument.

 

My personal observation is that they often reject the solid stable guys in preference to the fun bad boys until they realize the fun bad boys have moved to greener pastures. Then they decide "Hey, you know what, I think maybe I should get married!" and find the guys they rejected as 'boring' when they were 23 now look pretty good, and are married.

 

The few that are left are their age (mid 30s) and want a family. A 35 year old woman is a tough sell to a single man who wants marriage and kids.

 

I've stated the precise same logic as Sam, earlier in another thread but it was largely drowned out by the hissing of the 0116 haters club. It's not personal, it's simple math and the fact that an ample supply of marriageable women under 30 exists seals the deal for me and many other men.

[Sam Spade]

 

Nonetheless, I agree with Sam to a certain extent except I believe people NEED their 20s to live life, have fun, figure out what they want in life etc. etc. I personally regret having serious relationships in my 20s. (16-23 was my first then 25-28 my second and Then 29-32 and still going my third and final. ) I envy my friends who LIVED IT UP in their 20s and got serious about finding a life partner in their late 20s/early 30s.

 

Gathering life experience is extremely important, of course, as long as it does not become an end in itself, Carrie Bradshaw style. In any case, experience is useless without reflection and self-awareness, and you can compensate for, or at least enhance, experience through reflection. In the absence of that, it is like perpetually building the perfect house and not putting it to any use. Okay, maybe poor analogy, but no matter where you travel or no matter what you experience, experiences won't do the thinking for people, ideally they'd just stimulate it. Experience hasn't done much for travelling missionaires .

As far as women are concerned, I certainly have not "lived it up" in my 20s (2 relationships, some disapointing ONSs, that's it). But, at the age of 32 i have no urge to make up for "lost time" (not because of dropping testosterone ), but because simple thought experiments suggest that it is not worth it .

[Isolde]

My personal observation is that they often reject the solid stable guys in preference to the fun bad boys

 

 

Even modifying the situation to account for this, you'll find there's a pretty decent minority of women who find more solid suitors in their early thirties than in their twenties. Though I personally think the ideal age for a first marriage is 27-30, you'll find there's quite a bit of variance on when people meet the right person.

[susyq76]

Look, I have no interest to insult anybody. I'm just reporting my own perception - it may be the product of biological or social factors that I do not understand - that at my age, 32, whenever I consider a woman older than me something just seems off. I don't have to be "right", just reporting how I feel, and apparently many other men feel the same. If anything, i wish everybody could just be happy, so we could all shut up and let this place die .

 

I don't consider someone 3 years or younger.."older." If we were in high school at the same time, we're the same age. Dating someone a year older is like a junior dating a senior in high school. really not a big deal.

 

Anywho, I guess I'm not really speaking directly to you but more the other guys that suggest 29 is old and the guys will always opt for the youthful person. So, I put my situation out there to say I was 29 when I met him, he was 26 and the girl he was dating was 22. He opted for me, at 29. He heavily pursued me at 29. We've been together 3+ years now. I personally don't think our story would be any different if he'd met me in 2009 vs. 2005 though. But hey, like i said earlier, I don't see the big difference between a 29 and a 32 year old. There are women that can conceive at 38 while others have issues at 35. So, women within a 3 year range of each other really aren't much of a difference when considering a life partner in my opinion. I think it would be crazy, for you at 32, to not date a 32 year old but you'd date a 30 year old. That is pretty much the same. 2 years really isn't a heck of a difference, not even with ovaries! Now I can understand you at 32 not wanting to date a 37 year old but someone within 2-3 years of your age up or down is really all the same age. You're going through the same things in life at the same time etc. etc.

 

I remember my doctor telling me just last year at 31 that I had PLENTY of time to have children. It's 2009, technology is much different and he told me the risk factor thing doesn't signficantly increase until 40. The down syndrome rate between a 30 year old and a 35 year old is negligible.

[susyq76]

The few that are left are their age (mid 30s) and want a family. A 35 year old woman is a tough sell to a single man who wants marriage and kids.

 

Just like late 30s men are a tough sell to a young single woman who wants marriage and kids.

 

Again, who wants an old dad for their children if they are young. We can be older parents together but not one old parent and one young parent. No thanks to you throwing your back out when you go play catch with little Timmy and I'm young and energetic!

 

I guess our point is PEOPLE in general have smaller dating pools as they get older. People looking for marriage and kids opt for people their age in most situations. In this day and time, most married couples are within a few years of one another. Out of all the married people that I know (friends, family, co-workers) I can't name ONE person that married someone significantly older nor younger than them. For the most part, they are all within 3-5 years of one another. Bottom line is that most people seriously date people in their age range (3-5 years).

[susyq76]

Good for y'all - caught the last train ! Just kidding, kinda. .

 

Umm, so you're suggesting your current girlfriend caught the last train by finding you. Ha! I wonder if she agrees!

[clv0116]

Just like late 30s men are a tough sell to a young single woman who wants marriage and kids.

 

It seems true to a lesser degree for men. Perhaps my personal experience and observations are atypical, I and my peers are not average citizens in most ways.

 

 

Again, who wants an old dad for their children if they are young. We can be older parents together but not one old parent and one young parent. No thanks to you throwing your back out when you go play catch with little Timmy and I'm young and energetic!

 

Well for many women this doesn't seem to be a deal breaker.

 

 

I guess our point is PEOPLE in general have smaller dating pools as they get older. People looking for marriage and kids opt for people their age in most situations.

 

That's where women look, but a lot of them can't find a guy who will go down on one knee for them. It's a very common complaint from women.

 

 

In this day and time, most married couples are within a few years of one another. Out of all the married people that I know (friends, family, co-workers) I can't name ONE person that married someone significantly older nor younger than them. For the most part, they are all within 3-5 years of one another. Bottom line is that most people seriously date people in their age range (3-5 years).

 

A lot of those people are dating with a view to marriage before 30. They are the ones who in my opinion behaved wisely with regard to their future needs. You seem to be in that group as well, but consider this; If you were still on the market in 3 years how do you imagine it would go for you? How about age 40?

 

For women it's pretty hard to get married after 40 from my observation, whereas men have no trouble with that. On the other hand women over 40 can get sex easily whereas many older men have trouble with that. So it's not all sunshine and roses for older men, but if one is seeking marriage it's better to be a 40 year old man than a 40 year old woman.

[Balthazar]

For all the single girls I know in the 22-25 age range, the suitors are decidedly NOT coming "fast and thick." This is a flaw in your argument.

 

I have seen your pic, lovely Isolde:love: and would gladly play Tristan!

 

In your case, I am sure the suitors are coming "fast and thick".

No flaw there.

 

Cheers,

[susyq76]

 

 

A lot of those people are dating with a view to marriage before 30. They are the ones who in my opinion behaved wisely with regard to their future needs. You seem to be in that group as well, but consider this; If you were still on the market in 3 years how do you imagine it would go for you? How about age 40?

 

.

 

Dont know as I'm far from 40. If I'm still on the market in 3 years I GUARANTEE I'd have NO problem finding a man that wants to marry me. That is a promise!

 

As for if I were still on the market at 40, I'm sure it would be do to m choice and I'd be happy with that choice. I'm not one of those girls that are so pressed to get married that they'd just die if it didn't happen! Sorry. I've always had that stance with marriage as well as children. If it happened it happened, if it didn't I'd sit on the beach and sip my mojito with my other 40+ single friends. I'm happy with Susy, I don't need marriage or a guy to make me happy. Your debate you really have to try on someone with low self esteem lol.

 

Also, you're older correct???

 

Maybe that is why you have this view. It is your way to make yourself feel better. But like I said, I'm in my early 30s and NONEEEEEEEEEEEEEE of my friends are looking at nor trying to date an older man. Sorry, you wouldn't get a date with my crew if you bought it if you are over 36!

[susyq76]

 

For women it's pretty hard to get married after 40 from my observation, whereas men have no trouble with that. .

 

 

You are delusional if you believe this...LMAO. I know men over 40 that are single and they are SEARCHING for a woman. I dated an older man a good looking older man with no children, a good job, owned his own home etc. etc. I was so not interested and opted for a younger dude. 40+ is not desirable to a young woman unless she wants you for your stability. So, if you'd llike to be some women's bank account, be my guess. I had a friend that was 28 and dated a 40 year old and she called him her senior citizen lol. She was so not seriously into him but he was seriously into her...

[clv0116]

I know men over 40 that are single and they are SEARCHING for a woman.

 

Searching for 'a woman' and looking to get married are not precisely the same. I don't know what pool of guys you are pulling from but they guys I know have no issues for the most part. To be fair, by the time they're my age they don't want to be married, but that's a different thing.

 

Show me a man posting here with "she won't commit" and you can show me 2 women saying the same, easily.

[JerseyShortie]

You might be right, but I'm currently dating 3 beautiful young women who say you're wrong. It's not a statistically significant result but it's certainly personally significant.

 

I think I am right. I never said younger women don't want to date older men. But when it came time to settling down, most couples I know are within 5 years of each other. I think your perception and the realities are different.

 

And I find your comment funny because when I related my personal experiences, you said I had to be the minority. Yet your personsl experiences proves something my didn't?

 

I've dated older men. They took me to nice places, bought me pretty things and we had fun. But I never wanted to completely settle down with them. When they wanted to, the relationship stopped.

 

 

 

I think you're just angry in general and venting at me. No person is going to 'accept' someone 'for who they are' if who they are is fundamentally different from who they want. That's just crazy talk.

 

Your right, you are talking crazy because I never said someone should be with someone when they are different from what they want. However, you are preaching about "realistic expectations" and you being a "late bloomer" and condemning women for their choices while you pat yourself on the back for yours and give yourself all kinds of leeway. You have made life choices for yourself that you are condemning women for doing the same. Where you in a relationship where you wanted to settle down and the lady didn't?

 

 

 

The comment you made has nothing to do with anything I'm remotely interested in discussing. If you want to talk about long term relationships that don't lead to marriage I'm not the guy to discuss that with because I don't believe in them.

 

You've missed the point. I'm sorry that you don't understand.

 

 

 

See above. For me it's leading to marriage or it's casual.

 

What does this comment have to do with my statement?

 

 

 

If marriage is important, and for a lot of women it seems to be, then they would have been wiser to marry when the suitors were fast and thick. It's an observation of fact and nothing more.

 

Well, if you are worried that women find marriage to be too important, you probably managed to persuade some ladies into rethinking it.

 

It's an observation of what you desire to make *seem* like fact. Not what really is fact.

 

 

The guy she eventually wants to marry was there all along. Too bad he's already married now.

 

What? Why would a woman, who didn't want to marry a guy, care if he is married??

 

I think most healthy women probably want love. But if they don't find it, I think they are fine being themselves and enjoying life instead of being married for the sake of being married.

 

I don't hold it against them, they are just not what I and many other marriage minded men are looking for. Sorry.

 

 

You avoided my question and responded in an attempt to deflect. Here is the question after you said you were a late bloomer and took sone time to get where you wanted to in life:

 

No one’s life goes as exactly as planned. If you give yourself grace to be a late bloomer, why do you hold it against women instead of also giving them that same grace as well?

 

 

Again, each individual can do as they please but it's good to note that older marriage minded men seem to mostly get what they want whereas the same cannot uniformly be said for older marriage minded women. Younger women would perhaps be well served to consider this.

 

Okay so all men get what they want in life. And women, because of their selfish poor choices, will live a miserable life in accordance with their selfish ways. We get it.

 

Yoy know what I think. I think some men today have just as tough time dating and encounter more women that aren't in a hurry to settle down and are self assertive and maybe some guys don't like it because the power is shifted. Women might want marriage and love in their life but I think women are able to live happy fullfilled lives if they don't find that. And I think it bothers some men, this level of indepence.

 

 

Than, not then.

 

Very petty.

 

 

 

I'm getting what I want, and it saddens me that women my age are not, but that doesn't mean I have to marry one.

 

I doubt they are running to your door either or consider you a catch, don't worry.

 

I think in life, men and women both struggle. This is not and will never be a matter of all the men the world getting what they want and being happy and all the women struggling and having to live lonely lived. As you seem to be trying to lamely assert. Some people get married, some get divorced, some cheat on their partners....No one gets a free pass. there is not a boone of happy men and miserable women, even if you wish there was.

 

 

 

They can expect anything but a lot of them are disappointed due to unrealistic expectations leading to life choices that didn't pan out as expected. Perhaps better to have realistic expectations and live accordingly?

 

Didn't you say earlier your life choices didn't work out how you had expected? Who are you to make the comment that you know what is best for another, for a woman, to make the arrogant comment that it must be because of unrealistic expecations?

 

 

 

My personal observation is that they often reject the solid stable guys in preference to the fun bad boys until they realize the fun bad boys have moved to greener pastures. Then they decide "Hey, you know what, I think maybe I should get married!" and find the guys they rejected as 'boring' when they were 23 now look pretty good, and are married.

 

Ahhh, the route of it all. How dare a woman reject a man!

 

It's not personal, it's simple math and the fact that an ample supply of marriageable women under 30 exists seals the deal for me and many other men.

 

We get it. You deserve love and companionship despite the time it took you to work out your life and women don't. We get it. Don't worry, after hearing the venom some of you guys have for women for taking the time to live there lives, just as *you* have, I don't see alot of women wanting to run into those guys arms or run to the alter. A dog would show more faith and partnership.