empyreandreams Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I've been married for about 1.5 years now and recently i found out that my husband gives money to his ex whenever she needs money. They have a kid together and he gives her child support and sometimes when she ask for more money he usually tells me why and I always say go ahead they need some money. I'm not selfish and I know how hard the economy is right now I don't mind helping when people need help especially when involves my husband's child. Well today I was snooping around his myspace accnt because sometimes I can be nosy like that and he knows this. Well I was looking through his inbox and there was nothing there and for some odd reason something told me to look at his sent box. And there it was I saw sent and replied msgs between him and his ex. Ex was asking for money to buy for a new car or to fix the old car not really sure but she did say the old one is a dump and shes thinking of buying a new one. The night before while I was working he had asked me if I can go to bank and get some money so that "he can pay for his car bill." of course I didn't see anything wrong with that so I got the money and gave it to him that night. Now my question is was it wrong for me to be snooping around his myspace? If I confront him of why he lied to me with this will it turn around and bite me? Also if he did tell me about helping them I probably would have said thats fine how much do they need? I am just mad and angry that he lied to me
Lizzie60 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Now my question is was it wrong for me to be snooping around his myspace? If I confront him of why he lied to me with this will it turn around and bite me? Also if he did tell me about helping them I probably would have said thats fine how much do they need? I am just mad and angry that he lied to me Hum.... OK.. let's say that you stop snooping in his acc't.. you will always wonder if something is going on.. and you'll end up being miserable about it.. Let's say.. you confront him about it.. he will probably deny it ... or he'll be mad that you sneak in.. then you'll end up being miserable for not trusting him... Let's say you don't say anything.. then you keep snooping and find more stuff going around.. then what??? One way or another .. I think you don't have much choice.. you need to confront him..
NoIDidn't Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I agree with Lizzie that you need to confront him. He should have told you what he needed the money for up front. It doesn't seem like you have a problem with him doing so. The fact that they have a child together and a new or better car will benefit the child too, is a reason that I don't have huge issues with him helping her with the car. But it depends on the car. As the child that saw more than my share of my father's marriages, I totally understand how this money thing can get out of hand by him and her and upset you. Your snooping in his account is troublesome too. And I am NOT judging you, as I was the same way early in my marriage. My trust issues predate my marriage - even predate my teenage years. So you should tell him about that too. He'll either be more open and honest with you, which is the healthy thing to do. Or, he'll just hide more and more from you, which is the immature and unhealthy thing to do. My money is not on him doing the healthy thing, but only because he didn't tell you of his penchant for giving her money before you got married. This isn't something that you should have found out recently. Its something you should have known about BEFORE you agreed to marry him. Blended families are the hardest to deal with in marriages. I hope you guys are able to talk about this honestly.
Lizzie60 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 To be honest.. I've never been against snooping.. how would you find out about all those things ??? How is snooping any worst than hiring a detective.. ??? You snooped.. he lied.. so ..
NoIDidn't Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 To be honest.. I've never been against snooping.. how would you find out about all those things ??? How is snooping any worst than hiring a detective.. ??? You snooped.. he lied.. so .. I'm not against snooping either. But I know from experience that doing so shows a lack of trust. The lack of trust is the issue. Not the snooping. Just wanted to clear that up.
Author empyreandreams Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 so I just confronted my husband and it turned to a huge argument. I had to call his mom to get it fixed but it didn't get fixed. He said sorry like he doesnt even care and was being forced to say it. And I dont know what came over me and I dragged in his daughter in the conversation, which I shouldn't have, and now I feel like the ******* in the whole situation. By the way what I said was "your ex asked me if I can hang out with your daughter more and in my head I was thinking why?" Now he didn't let me finish the conversation because he was so mad that I would thinking like that. Well reason why I was thinking "why" is because first of all it took a year before I was actually able to hang out with her. Second whenever I asked why can't I see her (when I am already stepmom) he tells me oh because she isn't asking for you. Third when there is something wrong going on with daughter he never tells me about it. He only talks about it with his ex. I'm totally out of the picture. Now I know what I was thinking was wrong because she is a child she doesnt know things like this. I love her even if I have only seen her a few times. She's adorable. But I feel like he will only let me see her if she asks for me. And he will only let me know what's going on with her if I ask and bug enough. can you help me how I can resolve this?
Lishy Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 So let me get this right, you are married to the guy and dont see his kid? He lies to you about money given over to his ex and he does not have to as you never complain? You do not trust him or you would not be snooping through his personal stuff
Author empyreandreams Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 No I trust him completely. I snoop because he doesnt tell little things that happens in his life, he only tells me the big things. Example of big things will be problems at his work that will probably affect our financial stability. Little things I have to find out for myself are what is going on with his sister, mom, when will be the next raid on World of Warcraft. He doesnt tell me this things because he feels like it doesn't need to said. And sometimes when there is nothing else to talk to about I ask the questions about what I found out or ask questions that will lead to him telling me. He knows I snoop he doesn't care only when I catch lying to me or when I find things I'm not suppose to find out. No it wasn't an affair. he was already broken up with his ex over 3 years before we started dating. And I didn't mind his daughter. I actually wanted to bond with her more. His daughter and I actually did for the little amount of time I get to see her. Even now I'm not sure his real exact reason why he doesn't want me seeing her as much I thought that would go away when we got married but it didn't. once in a while we would fight about it and I would be the bad person because I'm not respecting his wishes
Recommended Posts