pandagirl Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 As I posted a few days ago, I went on a lovely first date. He was cute, charming and funny. And we have plans to see each other this weekend, too. HOWEVER, he just requested my facebook friendship and it's a total turn-off to me! 1) I make it a point not to facebook guys I like/people I've dated, because I don't need that extra stalker-esque component, 2) I would like getting to know each other done through physical interaction, and not through my internet profile, 3) it seems almost desperate to me...or possessive. I'm not into it. BUT, I am probably making a mountain out of a molehill. Someone out there has to agree we with though!
jerbear Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Did you tell him why you won't FB him? If you shared your concerns that FB is friends versus extra-stalker-esque component.
Author pandagirl Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 Did you tell him why you won't FB him? If you shared your concerns that FB is friends versus extra-stalker-esque component. I mean...actually I think *I* would come across as the crazy person if I was like: "Um. I'm not accepting your facebook friendship." haha. I just feel like it ruins that whole courtship. Call me old fashioned, but I'd rather you call me than write on my wall!
jerbear Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I mean...actually I think *I* would come across as the crazy person if I was like: "Um. I'm not accepting your facebook friendship." haha. I just feel like it ruins that whole courtship. Call me old fashioned, but I'd rather you call me than write on my wall! I guess you can see the writing on the wall! :lmao: Sorry had to say it. I know what you mean, this is like "he broke up with me over text message" or email. Crazy or not, it is how you feel and how you are. Eventually, the communication has to occur and you prefer a phone call versus a wall-to-wall posting.
kdark Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 It doesn't necessarily mean they are going to start messaging you all the time and using that as a means to set up dates and check up on you. I remember the only thing my ex and I did with facebook was always change our relationship status to mess with all of our friends...
jerbear Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 It doesn't necessarily mean they are going to start messaging you all the time and using that as a means to set up dates and check up on you. I remember the only thing my ex and I did with facebook was always change our relationship status to mess with all of our friends... You know, some of my friends in real life don't display their relationship status. Long story short, by removing the "Relationship Status" and "Looking for" fields, they got razed by others. We made fun of them. I razed someone and said she just broke some hearts and another mentioned "I thought you loved me! :mad:" :lmao: Anyway, back to the original programming.
kdark Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 You know, some of my friends in real life don't display their relationship status. Long story short, by removing the "Relationship Status" and "Looking for" fields, they got razed by others. We made fun of them. I razed someone and said she just broke some hearts and another mentioned "I thought you loved me! :mad:" :lmao: Anyway, back to the original programming. It's amazing how serious some people take facebook. I can't tell you how much crap I get for forgetting to post happy birthday on someones wall.
Author pandagirl Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 Ugh. Facebook is so ridiculous! I mainly use it for networking and is why I have a ridiculous amount of friends -- mostly work stuff. Friending someone you JUST started to date is weird to me. And then when you stop dating or break-up, then you have this person who still is somehow connected to you, and DE-friending someone just seems immature. I'm going to become a Luddite.
runner Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I'm going to become a Luddite. yes, and then start a facebook luddite group i do think its a bit odd to quickly friend someone if the jury is still out, and i certainly see your point on that. but this guys seems trigger happy and wants you on his list, so .... i'd say put him on for now (granted he's alright). but. when you do dump him, add: "...and i'm taking you off my facebook!"
chrislovestosurf Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 As I posted a few days ago, I went on a lovely first date. He was cute, charming and funny. And we have plans to see each other this weekend, too. HOWEVER, he just requested my facebook friendship and it's a total turn-off to me! 1) I make it a point not to facebook guys I like/people I've dated, because I don't need that extra stalker-esque component, 2) I would like getting to know each other done through physical interaction, and not through my internet profile, 3) it seems almost desperate to me...or possessive. I'm not into it. BUT, I am probably making a mountain out of a molehill. Someone out there has to agree we with though! Totally agree with you on that. The facebook request should not happen that soon. But wouldnt you want to be his 'friend' on facebook once you are an established couple?
Author pandagirl Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 Totally agree with you on that. The facebook request should not happen that soon. But wouldnt you want to be his 'friend' on facebook once you are an established couple? I just accepted it. I don't like it, but at the same time, it seems silly to "ignore" a request. However, if i had it my way (unless we were engaged or in a serious relationship) I'd rather not have a guy I'm dating have access to that stuff!
shadowplay Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Really? I think you're overreacting. When I started reading your post I thought he had would have done something crazy like request a relationship status change involving you. But just friending you is totally benign. It's not even stalkerish. Many people friend acquaintances they barely know. I can understand you feeling weird about seeing your profile, though. The solution is to use the custom privatize tool. You can have it so that he can only see certain aspects of your profile.
alphamale Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 HOWEVER, he just requested my facebook friendship and it's a total turn-off to me! 1) I make it a point not to facebook guys I like/people I've dated, because I don't need that extra stalker-esque component, 2) I would like getting to know each other done through physical interaction, and not through my internet profile, 3) it seems almost desperate to me...or possessive. I'm not into it. although i did not realize that "facebook" is now a verb i do agree with you. it does sound a bit strange on his part. apparently, getting "facebooked" is quite the rage with teh younger crowd.
Crow9726 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Uhhhh...instead of blowing the whole thing out of proportion...why not just delete your FB account. Seems to me that people obsess over that Facebook and MySpace crap...then moan and complain after the fact. Guess my age is showing...personal interaction should be done in person...or at the very least by voice...not some other contrived method that is mostly anonymous and definitely misleading. No wonder this world is so messed up. Everyone is scared of real life...so they immerse themselves in web pages and social sites...while holed up in their rooms...trying to read between the lines and make sense of ridiculous wall postings. Just like IM's...the message is almost always lost in translation...and then insecurities creep in. Amazing to me...
torranceshipman Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 My new guy sent me a friend request after our first date! I kinda liked his directness.
climbergirl Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I agree with you, Panda. To know them for such a short amount of time and being able to see your friends, family and the idiosyncrasies of your life is disturbing to me. Found a great solution, tho. I know it's too late now, but if you really don't want them to 'friends' you at the moment, block them. They have no idea and just can't find you on facebook. That, or reset your privacy settings.
mikesierra Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 I see both sides actually. he's into you more than you are into him. already a problem. tsk tsk.
crosswordfiend Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 i don't know about you, but for me facebook ended up becoming too distracting and i deleted it all together. actually went through one by one and deleted each and every friend and then each and every post and then for good measure deactivated my account.
mikesierra Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 I would have to agree that social life can be far more dramatic electronically. I really don't like the stuff, but seeing as how this is my 4th year overseas out of the past 5, I don't have a choice if I like having friends.
BobSacamento Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 I was FB'd before a 1st date before...that was odd now that I think of it. I chalk it up to a screening process.
Author pandagirl Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 I guess it's just all a matter of preference. Some people understand where I'm coming from, and other's don't think it's a big deal. I have never "friended" anyone on facebook that I've dated, simply because I don't need to know that much information about them. It makes me feel weird, especially when I can find out more about them from their profile than I actually know from asking them questions face-to-face. Facebook is just a silly social-networking tool, but at the same time, it takes away the genuineness of getting to know someone when dating. Plus, a weird sort of invasion of privacy. Anywho, not a HUGE deal, but some someone that irked me at the time.
Love Actually Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Plus, a weird sort of invasion I really have to give this Facebook thing a whirl. I know some of my best dreams have been on this very theme.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 PandaGirl, I'm with you on this one. I started a thread about this once. I feel like the person is putting you in a bad position when they "friend" you and you haven't even been out on one date (or two). After all, what are you supposed to do? Either accept, which may make you uncomfortable, or not accept, which may make things awkward. I wouldn't do that to someone.
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