paddington bear Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Ok, so after months in dating wilderness (ie absolutely nothing at all happening ever) a guy got in contact with me, from an internet site, not a dating site, a kind of other specialised networking site and I arranged to go and have a look at his work. This meeting went well. He subsequently asked me to meet 'us' (meaning him and his friends) tonight, which I did (and am very proud of myself for being brave enough to turn up on my own to a night out which was with essentially a group of 7 total strangers). The thing is, that this type of thing generally happens to me. You meet a nice guy, and somehow you meet again, but it's not really strictly a date in the traditional sense, if you know what I mean and I'm always there wondering 'is this a date? or some other friendship, networking based something that I have no name for? Am I so desperate for a boyfriend that any contact with any man HAS to mean something?' Then again why else would a random guy ask you to meet him again so soon after your very first meeting? Now bear in mind I'm in Europe minus the American style dating culture, so things do tend to get confused...thing is, I'm kind of sick of being 'the friend'. I have enough friends and I'm wondering here if this 'non-date, date' is just heading down that road again or if going out with a group of new people is just an easy way to get to know someone without the pressure of a one on one meeting. I should mention that this guy seems very nice, is attractive, and I don't really know him at all and would not be devastated if tonight was not some kind of date thing, and he and his buddies were very nice and I'd be happy to meet up with them en masse again sometime. I guess this is more a question in general about these fuzzy 'dating/friendship' areas which are not clear in terms of someone, from the offset asking you out, thus showing they are interested in more than just being friends. In my experience these kindn of situations always seem promising but then mostly lead to nothing in terms of romance. How can you tell what a male of the species's motivation is in bringing a new girl out to meet his group of male and female friends 2 days after your first meeting. So if anyone can shed any light on the matter I'd appreciate it.
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 paddington, I can't give you advice from a European perspective on dating but if you don't know anyone close, who can vouch for this guy and his friends, you might want to bring a friend along, just in case. Better to be safe, than sorry. Sheesh, I sound like someone's mother. Forgive me.
alphamale Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 In my experience these kindn of situations always seem promising but then mostly lead to nothing in terms of romance. whats the one common denominator in all those situations?
Author paddington bear Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 whats the one common denominator in all those situations? The common denominator is that they are never strictly 'dates'...and I guess I have my answer there I suppose, since all these non-dates came to n'owt - for instance, I had this friend of a friend work for me when I was in a terrible bind once. After the job was finished I rang him to arrange to pay him and he suggested that we meet for a drink and he spent the whole night buying me drinks and flirting, so what should have been a business transaction became kind of date-y, but wasn't strictly a date per se and I wasn't sure how to behave because I was thinking maybe he was just being friendly as we'd got on very well together while working together, so was unsure if being more than friendly back would be taken in the wrong way, as in 'gah! I was only being polite and friendly to my former temporary boss and now she thinks this is something more. Nooooooo!' Then there was another guy who had left the country with his then girlfriend. He came back after splitting from her, we met up with a mutual friend and weeks after that re-connecting meeting he asked me out dancing with him, then again the next week and then again. Stupid girl here thinks a guy calling up asking you out = date, but again, was just not sure as no moves were being made at all. A week after this 'date' he told me that he wanted to make things clear, so that there was no confusion, that he just wanted to be friends (and we still are friends).
Author paddington bear Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 paddington, I can't give you advice from a European perspective on dating but if you don't know anyone close, who can vouch for this guy and his friends, you might want to bring a friend along, just in case. Better to be safe, than sorry. Sheesh, I sound like someone's mother. Forgive me. Don't worry, I knew this would be all safe and sound, I'd already met this guy in his workspace, during the day, had coffee and a chat with him for a couple of hours and knew he was just a nice, normal guy, so meeting up with him and friends didn't seem in any way dangerous and wasn't. I think there's always some niggling warning bell mechanism there when there's something dodgy about a person.
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