Do I need to stop dating my girlfriends, boyfriends best freind because theybroke up?

[darby1]

So I started casually dating (hanging out) with a guy 10 years younger than me 4 months ago. We get along really well and keep it really casual due to the age difference, but we enjoy each other very much and he is an added pleasure I need in my life these days. So here is the situation. My newest closest girlfriend, been friends almost a year, never fight, and we share much in common. She is also 10 years younger than me. My guys best friend is my age (early 30's). I met my guy through her when she started dating pretty seriously his best friend. It was very fun the four of us getting together as you can imagine! However, while she and him got more serious, I still kept things on an even ground with my guy. Cut to: Their seriousness hit a wall and her guy bailed out of the relationship unexpectedly and now they do not speak. However, things with my guy have been continuing on it's pace. My friend and her guy stopped speaking in January, it is now March. I expected it to be weird for her that he and I still hang out because it was weird for me at first not having her in the mix where I was used to her being too, but time passed and things change. Well, Now all of a sudden she expresses to me that it hurts her feelings that I still hang out with them (which I don't hang out with "them" I hang out with my guy) and puts me in this bad friend catagory. I completely understand the nostalgia she is having that anyone would... but am I really obligated to stop seeing my guy because they broke up?? I mean really??? I know he is too young for me, I know he's nothing serious in the relationship department, but I enjoy his company very much! I like him! I look forward to seeing him! But am I a bad freind now because her and her guy broke up and I didn't follow suit?? So am I a bad friend? She is telling me that something I am doing is hurting her feelings. I care about her very much and want to do the right thing, but I feel if I were to drop him for her, I might resent her for it.

[Ronni_W]

Your guy's age has nothing to do with it. And whether it is serious or casual for you has nothing to do with it, either.

 

As I'm reading it, it is strictly a question of what do YOU value more? Because honouring YOUR values is the "right" thing for you to do...whether or not anyone or everyone else feels comfortable and happy with your choice.

 

If you try to live for HER feelings, then you'll end your relationship with your guy.

If you try to live for HIS feelings, then you'll end your relationship with her.

 

Either way, you won't be able to simultaneously do what both of them feel is the "right" thing for you to do. When others have conflicting wants and expectations, we cannot please them all at the same time. And that's when our own values, needs and desires ought to kick in, in high gear.

 

For her to expect/ask you to stop seeing him is unreasonable, and lacking understanding and compassion -- how is it okay for YOU to stop enjoying a part of your life just because she and her b/f couldn't work things out?

 

And for him to ask you to end things with her (which I know he is not), would be similarly unreasonable.

 

For my money, don't do something that you suspect will lead you to feeling resentful -- your intuition is probably right on target, and your relationship with whomever is placing unreasonable demands on you is probably not going to be the same, anyway.

 

If she has boundary problems that prevent her from separating her life from yours, she needs some therapy. IMO.

[era]

... but am I really obligated to stop seeing my guy because they broke up?? I mean really???

 

Of course not.

 

You can never please everyone. In fact, if you please 50 percent of the people, you're doing quite well.