animatrix126 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I thank anyone who has the patience to read long threads and willing to give advice. It means a lot, i'm sure, for a lot of people including myself. I broke up with my boyfriend about 4 months ago. We had dated for two years, and we were very close, but he was the first and only person i had ever dated. For a long period of time, i grew frightened that my "love" for him might not be real, and it drove me crazy. I grew curious about what being in a relationship with another person might be like, and this thought scared me even more that i might not be in love with my boyfriend. When i told him what i was feeling, he was very sad, but he was very supportive of my feelings. He told me to do whatever i had to in order to be happy, even if that meant he wouldn't be in my life anymore. I thought it would be a good idea for me to see other people, and i didn't think he would want to be with someone that was didn't love him, or was incredibly wishy-washy about it. There was a lot of pain, and some arguing when the relationship ended, and since then I've been incredibly unhappy and sad. I've had a few small crushes since then, but he was sorta still in my mind. I tried to show interest in this guy named Dean by sending him a Christmas card. It said that i hoped he had a great Christmas, and that i missed sitting in front of him in my English class, and i put my cell and home number in the card. He never called. Maybe he didn't get the hint, but it still hurt cuz it seemed he always tried to avoid looking at me. For a while i've liked this guy in my Newspaper class, but he's currently in a relationship with a girl in Ohio. I've flirted a little, but always felt bad cuz i didn't want to be the cause of a break-up, and i don't even feel THAT into him, not like i did before dating my ex. So if we went on a date and i wasn't very crazy about it, then i would have stole him away for no good reason. My ex and i have talked a little (very little) through text message, and when we did, i felt happier than i ever did since the break-up, but i still don't know if what i feel is love. Thinking back, i sometimes have a nice shudder when i think of his laugh, and his silly nature, and sometimes i just feel content when i think of it. I'm very confused, because we used to be so close and would see each other all the time, and now he feel's like a complete stranger some how. I feel happy when we talk, and frightened that he might still be upset with me. He has said that he's "over it" but never really specified what "it" is. The relationship, the bad feelings he felt about the break up, me, i don't really know. Part of me wants to try again, but i don't want to hurt him again, and i know that i betrayed his trust. If we were to try again, i would like to treat it like a new relationship, and not get into the big stuff until we felt like we were in love again. And i wouldn't want there pressure of having to say "i love you" until i felt either of us could say it confidently. But what would happen if i didn't find that love for him again? or vise versa? He might even be into someone else by now, but i don't want to know. I get so angry at the thought. I don't want to be selfish, his feelings are important to me and knowing that i hurt him once scares me that i might hurt him again for the same reasons as the first time. I know i still haven't dated anyone else, and i'm sick of this uncertainty of whether or not that i love him. So my question is this, should i ask if he would like to try again and go slowly, seeing if any sparks show up again, or should i stay single for a while? And how would i know if i really am in love with him?
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