9Lives Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I have a serious questions. My boyfriend and I broke up because while we was on a date, he was doing alot of texting. It was rude and I really hated it. I know he was talking to another chic and it annoyed me. So I let it go and kinda thought about what I was going to do to handle it. the next weekend on friday, I did not hear from him and I knew it was because he was with someone else and it got to me as well. HERE is the thing....we were getting along just fine...JUST FINE. Until all this texting and the disappearing little act happen. So I brought it to his attention and he said I was getting on his nerves. I probably was because I started to feel insecure because he was doing all this other stuff. So I told him about it. For him..I become annoying to him because I am asking for more of his time or something. for me....I feel disconnected, hurt, disprespected. i dont care about him doing alot of different things but I dont want to be with him and other chics. So I decided it is to be friends cause I dont like all the texting, and having to call me back and then calling me back the next day. What is bothering me is that I miss him but I dont like the way he treats me. I dont need this but I still care and want to work it out. He has text me a couple of times to say hi but we have not talked. It has been about 2 weeks. I have not called him or anything but I think it is not fair for me to bow down to disprespect just to stay with someone. your thoughts. I need some strength
Geishawhelk Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Women are just as good at the silent treatment. If not better. My mother had it off to a fine art. Man, she was good......! It comes down to control. if you're silent, you can't be argued with. And you will not be argued with. there is NO argument. End of story.
BobSacamento Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 You haven't said much good about him. Time to move on.
Geishawhelk Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Hang on - you've broken up with him! You shouldn't even be thinking of being 'friends'! You go No contact, and you stay away from him....FAR AWAY!! What the heck makes you think that he's going to treat you any better, or differently as a 'friend' - ?? Don't even think about him! What is with you....??!
Trialbyfire Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 9Lives, if someone isn't committed, whether through uncertainty or whatever other reasons like third parties, you're going to get inconsistency. Inconsistency triggers insecurities. The silent treatment is all about control and also the ability to not burn any bridges. In not stating anything clearly, they can always come back like nothing happened. In either of the above, your guy is being disrespectful to your needs and is controlling the entire situation. I would move on from someone who plays head and power games.
alphamale Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 your thoughts. indeed... well let me say that he was probably getting annoyed for some time and this was the last straw. same happens to me and when i reach my limit then my "silent treatment" is to walk out the door never to be seen or heard from again. when men don't want to deal with stuff we just split, thats the way it is. could be its not worth it to him to continue or "work things out"
clv0116 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 The silent treatment is for women, men just take it until they're fed up and then walk away.
Island Girl Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 If he was already talking with another girl as well as you then he has someone to fill the void. You don't because you weren't cheating. He was disrespectful and he was spending time talking with and who knows what else with another girl. He didn't even care enough about your relationship or you to not do that in front of you. He behaves that way to you as his girlfriend and you want to be FRIENDS with him?!!! Why would you want a person that has treated you so badly and obviously does not value you at all as a friend? The only reason you are having a problem right now is because you want it to matter that you aren't around. You want to know that all of it wasn't a lie - and that it was important to him - that YOU were important to him. But if that was true he would have preserved the relationship and not spent time focusing on other girls at all let alone in front of you. You have cut yourself free from a loser. Do not look back. Move forward and create a NEW life for yourself. And go NC to help you do this as fast as humanly possible.
Author 9Lives Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 indeed... well let me say that he was probably getting annoyed for some time and this was the last straw. same happens to me and when i reach my limit then my "silent treatment" is to walk out the door never to be seen or heard from again. What I want to do is tell him that I want him to stop talking to these other chic and focus on our relationship only. could be its not worth it to him to continue or "work things out" okay with that being said....why does he continue to remain in contact with me. I dont get that. he texts me to say hi . It has been two weeks since we talked. but he will text. Basically he is free to go. No pressure from me. What I want to do is tell him that I want him to stop talking to these other chic and focus on our relationship only and if he is not ready then fine. Quit sending me mixed messages and move on. Or I want to tell him until he makes up his mind, just throw away my number. I just dont get him
alphamale Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 okay with that being said....why does he continue to remain in contact with me. since i never do that i really don't know. he's probably just playing mind games with you
Island Girl Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 What I want to do is tell him that I want him to stop talking to these other chic and focus on our relationship only and if he is not ready then fine. Quit sending me mixed messages and move on. Or I want to tell him until he makes up his mind, just throw away my number. Why would you be waiting for him to make up his mind? You should make up your mind that you deserve better and tell him to lose your number. And then go out and find better. It will not be in any way difficult to do.
Author 9Lives Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 Why would you be waiting for him to make up his mind? You should make up your mind that you deserve better and tell him to lose your number. And then go out and find better. It will not be in any way difficult to do. I know but it is hard to walk away from someone you been with for 4 years like that if you still love them. I want to make sure when I close that door that I gave it everything I had to be sure and it will make it easier for me to accept and go on
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I know but it is hard to walk away from someone you been with for 4 years like that if you still love them. I want to make sure when I close that door that I gave it everything I had to be sure and it will make it easier for me to accept and go on 9Lives, how can you give it everything, when he's not there to give it to? This isn't to hurt you but don't you think you deserve someone who's also going to give it everything they have? Don't do this to yourself. You cannot hold onto someone who doesn't want to be held.
Island Girl Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I know but it is hard to walk away from someone you been with for 4 years like that if you still love them. I want to make sure when I close that door that I gave it everything I had to be sure and it will make it easier for me to accept and go on I am sorry to be blunt but clearly you have spent 4 years with someone who does not value you or respect you. You have essentially wasted 4 years and now you are set on wasting even more time hoping suddenly you'll matter in his life. You HAVE given it everything. You gave him YOU -- isn't that everything?!! You can continue to waste your time giving more time and energy to an idiot who doesn't treat you well, doesn't value your relationship, and will continue to treat you the same way as long as you let him. Or you can finally move on (long overdue) and begin the process of getting over him so that when you do meet a new guy that is a potential you are ready.
Author 9Lives Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 I am sorry to be blunt but clearly you have spent 4 years with someone who does not value you or respect you. You have essentially wasted 4 years and now you are set on wasting even more time hoping suddenly you'll matter in his life. You HAVE given it everything. You gave him YOU -- isn't that everything?!! You can continue to waste your time giving more time and energy to an idiot who doesn't treat you well, doesn't value your relationship, and will continue to treat you the same way as long as you let him. Or you can finally move on (long overdue) and begin the process of getting over him so that when you do meet a new guy that is a potential you are ready. oh Island...Island...Island girl!!!your killing me....the right way though!!! I am working on it. I promise. I am getting out meeting people. Yes it is long overdue. Im working on it
Island Girl Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Love doesn't mean ANYTHING if he doesn't treat you right. And no guy worth his salt respects a pushover. First you have to believe you deserve it and then you have to demand it. You have already WASTED 4 years of your life on this schmuck. Please do not waste any more time! Get rid of him - in all ways. Get your head on straight. And then get ready to meet a great guy that will be just as good for you as you are for him. And don't SETTLE for any less!!
Author 9Lives Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 Love doesn't mean ANYTHING if he doesn't treat you right. And no guy worth his salt respects a pushover. First you have to believe you deserve it and then you have to demand it. You have already WASTED 4 years of your life on this schmuck. Please do not waste any more time! Get rid of him - in all ways. Get your head on straight. And then get ready to meet a great guy that will be just as good for you as you are for him. And don't SETTLE for any less!! damm you are so right. Thanks alot....wow!!! I had to write this down..it is so powerful
Island Girl Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Make it your mantra. But you really have to believe it. You have to BELIEVE you deserve better. You do of course. And others can say it all day long. But it means nothing unless you really believe it. People will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. So you have to decide what that is going to be for you. What are your boundaries and limitations when it comes to your relationship? Then you make sure if those lines are crossed you either make it clear that you are outta there if it happens again or you just end it right then and there (depending on the level of the infraction). My guess is all along there have been times when this guy has treated you like crap. And he has made minimal effort - if really any at all - and you have stayed with him. Don't make that mistake ever again and I promise you this is the last time you'll be going through this kind of situation with anyone else.
Author 9Lives Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 Make it your mantra. But you really have to believe it. You have to BELIEVE you deserve better. You do of course. And others can say it all day long. But it means nothing unless you really believe it. People will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. So you have to decide what that is going to be for you. What are your boundaries and limitations when it comes to your relationship? Then you make sure if those lines are crossed you either make it clear that you are outta there if it happens again or you just end it right then and there (depending on the level of the infraction). My guess is all along there have been times when this guy has treated you like crap. And he has made minimal effort - if really any at all - and you have stayed with him. Don't make that mistake ever again and I promise you this is the last time you'll be going through this kind of situation with anyone else. we have had alot of good time but we have had our bad times. This guy has been hard to walk away from because he has treated me good but he is inconsistent. We will be getting along great and then it will go bad. very bad. He has done alot for me and i enjoy him and his company. We have had alot of good times. Anyway, one thing you said that sticks to me is what you said about Love doesn't mean ANYTHING if he doesn't treat you right. i firmly believe that and we break up because of that.
carhill Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Why do men give you the silent treatment when you stand up for yourself?Speaking strictly to the thread topic, IME, with my male friends, it's overwhelmingly preservation of the status quo. In relationship conflict, generally, the first person who talks loses, especially if that person is a man. A wise man submits to the emotional and communicative superiority of the female and holds his counsel, especially if he wants to get laid again. Now, me, I'm a loose cannon and piss women off regularly. No one gets the silent treatment from me. Always willing to engage. Don't mind losing. In fact, I invite women to stand up for themselves. I'm about equality. Can't have that unless they're willing to stand up. You know, toilet seats and all that... Your xBF is passive aggressive and a jerk, based on the OP. What say you?
runner Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 the title seems a bit off to me since i've always associated the silent treatment as ... more of an effeminate quality. the men i know (and myself) are usually on the receiving end of it
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 It's quite obvious that he's treating you like crap so that you dump him and he can feel okay about the break-up. It's a common cheater behavior. Then they don't have to deal with the guilt of cheating AND breaking up with you. The silent treatment is NOT normal. It's a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse.
Recommended Posts