kaly6177 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I need you guys' input, please. Thank you So my H and I are still in MC. Things are ok, except for the part of the OW. He still has contact with her, but insists that they are just friends now and he wants nothing more from it. I've seen both his emails and phone records, and it seems she initiates all the contact. Not an excuse, I know, but I don't know what to do at this time about it. The issue I am coming across is that the OW has been very confrontational towards me. My H told me that she knows that I know about their A. Yet she still finds it her right to confront me about the way I have treated my H. All the while, she is still married and has 2 children. Her reason for being "close" to my husband is because her and her husband don't talk at all and she is unhappy. I understand that excuse as I have used that same exact excuse when I chose to cheat on my H. But still, that's all it is, an EXCUSE. The thing that bothers me though is that her constant way of making snide comments when she answer the phone when I call his work. "You're lucky he is still giving you a second chance considering how f***ed up you treated him!" "How can you say you love him after everything that you did?!" "What kind of woman cheats on a good man?!" Seriously, it wouldn't bother me at all if she was not married herself and is/was not having an EA and did not have a PA with my H. But since she's married, I find it comical that she is talking this way to me then turns around and goes home to her H and kids all the while emailing/calling/texting my H all night long. I was pretty much pushed over the edge this morning when she came at me again and I replied by saying if she doesn't stay out of my business I will and am going to tell her husband everything. Am I wrong for feeling bothered by this woman? I really want to tell her husband, but is that the right thing to do? Second thing is I really feel the need to apologize to both of our families. My H's and mine, especially his, for everything that I have put everyone through. I just don't know how to put it into words. I know that a lot of people are angry at me for what I have done, and I honestly don't know if they can forgive me, but I need to try to at least apologize. Anyone have any suggestion on how do I go about this apology? I really want to do this for my H. Again thanks everyone for all of your wonderful advice.
65tr6 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 He still has contact with her, but insists that they are just friends now and he wants nothing more from it. . I am going to be fairly blunt here. Stop MC now!!....you are wasting your time and money...NC has to be in place first before MC can have any meaning. Am I wrong for feeling bothered by this woman? . This is an easy one. No. You have every right to be bothered. Let your husband know that. I really want to tell her husband, but is that the right thing to do?. What you are waiting for ? Anyone have any suggestion on how do I go about this apology? I really want to do this for my H. Again thanks everyone for all of your wonderful advice. Apologize for what ? ok, I am not dumb but are you saying you had an affair too ?
whichwayisup Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 3 words... TELL HER HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who the heck does this OW (MW actually) think she is? Confronting you and getting involved in YOUR marriage when she is married and has her own husband. TELL HIM the truth.. Your husband and the OW should not be in contact. Your husband has to tell her goodbye. Forever.. Put your foot down and talk to your husband about this, he can't have her in his life, not even as a casual friend.. Again, TELL her husband the truth. Why on earth should she have no consquences to deal with and face when SHE cheated on her husband!
Author kaly6177 Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 I am going to be fairly blunt here. Stop MC now!!....you are wasting your time and money...NC has to be in place first before MC can have any meaning. Apologize for what ? ok, I am not dumb but are you saying you had an affair too ? 65, We don't want to stop MC because we are actually doing much better with it. It is very difficult for my H to not have contact with her because they work together and he needs to have direct contact with her at work. I don't want to ask my husband to find another job because I really don't think it's my place right now to make requests or demands in our relationship. Yes I did have an A first. I left my H, and kept a relationship with the OM. I ended the A almost 5 months ago. A month after I ended the A, my H allowed me to have another chance with our family, so we are working hard on our marriage. The apology is for both of our families. His parents mainly. They are very upset at what happened and what our children went through. My H is very close to them, and I know that I have disappointed them greatly.
65tr6 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 We don't want to stop MC because we are actually doing much better with it. . that is good if you think it is working. But do not depend on MC alone to repair your marriage. Yes I did have an A first. I left my H, and kept a relationship with the OM. I ended the A almost 5 months ago. . Yes you should apologize. My wife and I have been thinking very hard on this aspect. At this point I have left it for her to take the initiative. I wish she calls my family and her family and tells them about the A and profusely apologizes. I really do, but I am not going to push for it. Here is what may make sense for you.... Do this face to face if you can. If you cannot, do it over the phone. No email. Do it the same day for both families. May be a conference call of some kind. No need to get into details but at the same time, dont hide what you think they should know. Stick to the facts about the A. That it was your decision. Dont dwelve into what drove you into having one. You are still trying to figure that yourself along with your husband. Dont talk about/bring up your husband's affair. Tell them how much you hurt your husband, your kids and his/your family. And that now you both are committed to working on the marriage. All the best.
jwi71 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Let me see if I understand everything here: 1) You have cheated, your H has cheated. It sounds like you cheated first. 2) The OW works closely with your H. 3) You're ok with number 2 above. 4) What isn't ok is her verbal attacks against you. 5) You guys are in MC and its working despite numbers 1-4. 6) You have a need to apologize to the family Your questions are: Am I wrong for feeling bothered by this woman? I really want to tell her husband, but is that the right thing to do? ...I need to try to at least apologize. Anyone have any suggestion on how do I go about this apology? 1) You should be bothered by her. But frankly, you and I have VERY different reasons FOR being bothered. You seem to be upset that she confronts you...I would be upset that she was boffing my H, bad mouthing me to EVERYONE else and contributing to the decline of the M and the well-being of the kids...AND SHE STILL CONTINUES TO DO IT. **shakes head** 2) Sure. He is married to woman who had (is having?) an EA/PA with you H. And it continues. He has a right to know. 3) Yeah, you owe an apology to your H, your children and all the lives you impacted. If I were you, I would simply call a family gathering, stand up and spill it. 65 is right...you guys need to quit MC. Its a farce. It will remain a farce until the OW is gone and your H has NC. Until then...you have HER to contend with. And the M will NOT move forward. BEcause every contact is a step in the wrong direction...witness how the OW affects you...
reservoirdog1 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Yes, you should apologize to his family. When my XW and I were splitting up (she'd cheated and lied throughout the marriage), she initially took the position that she owed nobody an apology, that my family had no right to judge her, etc. etc. I'm sure it's possible to have a lengthy debate about whether or not anybody has the right to "judge" another person, but that's not really the point. The point is that she'd badly hurt me, their son, and her position basically led them to conclude that she was a selfish lying b!tch. Fortunately, she had an epiphany or something shortly after we split up, and wrote my family members a detailed and contrite apology. It certainly didn't make everything okay right away (it took a few years for my Dad to be able to even look at her), but it did at least give them a reason to view her as a person who had screwed up, made crappy choices, and was hurting too, and not just as a selfish lying b!tch. It humanized her to them. It's now more than five years later, and while there will never be the level of affection between my parents and her that existed during the marriage, everybody's on pretty good terms overall, and it's possible to work together for the kids' best interests.
Author kaly6177 Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 Let me see if I understand everything here: 1) You have cheated, your H has cheated. It sounds like you cheated first. 2) The OW works closely with your H. 3) You're ok with number 2 above. 4) What isn't ok is her verbal attacks against you. 5) You guys are in MC and its working despite numbers 1-4. 6) You have a need to apologize to the family Your questions are: 1) You should be bothered by her. But frankly, you and I have VERY different reasons FOR being bothered. You seem to be upset that she confronts you...I would be upset that she was boffing my H, bad mouthing me to EVERYONE else and contributing to the decline of the M and the well-being of the kids...AND SHE STILL CONTINUES TO DO IT. **shakes head** 2) Sure. He is married to woman who had (is having?) an EA/PA with you H. And it continues. He has a right to know. 3) Yeah, you owe an apology to your H, your children and all the lives you impacted. If I were you, I would simply call a family gathering, stand up and spill it. 65 is right...you guys need to quit MC. Its a farce. It will remain a farce until the OW is gone and your H has NC. Until then...you have HER to contend with. And the M will NOT move forward. BEcause every contact is a step in the wrong direction...witness how the OW affects you... Jwi, No don't get me wrong, I am VERY bothered by the OW. My husband knows this, and it's not only because of how she confronts me, but more so because of the A. The confrontation only bothers me because I feel that she is a hypocrite for calling me out, when she is still lying to her husband about what she does. I actually am not upset, more annoyed than anything. No I am by no means ok with them working together still. But like I said I don't think I have the room to make demands or requests right now because of what I have done. I truly feel that it is my fault that my husband ended up with this woman. If I had not left and had an A he wouldn't have even looked at her. I fully blame myself for it. The reason I say the MC is working is because it's helped open up communication with us. Things that we were afraid to talk about before for fear of hurting the other person has come out and we are working on the issues. As for the apology, I have apologized to my H and kids. I know that alone isn't enough, so I am also doing IC along with the MC with my husband. I haven't apologized to any other family members because my H and I both agreed to take things one at a time. And the first thing we want to tackle is our family (marriage and kids).
whichwayisup Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Question..Why is your husband allowing this OW to bash you and confront you? WHY isn't he protecting YOU? Telling her to back off and to leave you alone? Another thing - Your huband should ask for a transfer so he doesn't have to work with her. You didn't answer earlier, but what about telling the OW's husband? That is something you need to do so this OW will leave you alone..She'll be too busy dealing with her own mess she created at home with her husband.
Author kaly6177 Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 Question..Why is your husband allowing this OW to bash you and confront you? WHY isn't he protecting YOU? Telling her to back off and to leave you alone? Another thing - Your huband should ask for a transfer so he doesn't have to work with her. You didn't answer earlier, but what about telling the OW's husband? That is something you need to do so this OW will leave you alone..She'll be too busy dealing with her own mess she created at home with her husband. Actually he has told her numerous times to stop harrassing me, and have asked her to stop contacting him outside of work hours, unless it is work related. But she seems to find a reason all the time to start a conversation with him by using work to ask a question or two, then steer the conversation towards her problems at home with her husband. He is trying to find another way of transferring or even looking for a new job, but with everything going on with the economy right now it hasn't been that easy. I am considering telling the OW's husband about it. I even have proof (email, phone records, even a picture of her grabbing my husband and kissing him) to give him if he doesn't believe me. I am just worried about the repricussion as I don't know her husband well enough to say that he won't go crazy on my H. I worry about my children, they have been through enough with what I have put them through.
65tr6 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 But like I said I don't think I have the room to make demands or requests right now because of what I have done. I truly feel that it is my fault that my husband ended up with this woman. If I had not left and had an A he wouldn't have even looked at her. I fully blame myself for it. ok, now I see what you are saying. My answers wont change but I leave it upto you as to who should be blamed for your husband's affair. That's a tough one. Ofcourse he shouldnt have screwed around with MW. I think you should both move forward and forget the past. I know, easier said than done. But looks like you are making good progress from what you are saying. I am just worried about the repricussion as I don't know her husband well enough to say that he won't go crazy on my H. Unfortunately that is the price to pay ....the unknown consequences. Sad, isnt it ?
Dexter Morgan Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I need you guys' input, please. Thank you So my H and I are still in MC. Things are ok, except for the part of the OW. He still has contact with her, but insists that they are just friends now and he wants nothing more from it. I've seen both his emails and phone records, and it seems she initiates all the contact. Not an excuse, I know, but I don't know what to do at this time about it. The issue I am coming across is that the OW has been very confrontational towards me. My H told me that she knows that I know about their A. Yet she still finds it her right to confront me about the way I have treated my H. All the while, she is still married and has 2 children. Her reason for being "close" to my husband is because her and her husband don't talk at all and she is unhappy. I understand that excuse as I have used that same exact excuse when I chose to cheat on my H. But still, that's all it is, an EXCUSE. The thing that bothers me though is that her constant way of making snide comments when she answer the phone when I call his work. "You're lucky he is still giving you a second chance considering how f***ed up you treated him!" "How can you say you love him after everything that you did?!" "What kind of woman cheats on a good man?!" You should tell her, "I don't know, why don't we sit down with your husband and discuss it...just choose a date/time"
Dexter Morgan Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I am considering telling the OW's husband about it. I even have proof (email, phone records, even a picture of her grabbing my husband and kissing him) to give him if he doesn't believe me. I am just worried about the repricussion as I don't know her husband well enough to say that he won't go crazy on my H. Well her husband would certainly be entitled to go off on both his W and your H wouldn't he. This is the price I believe has to be paid for infidelity....the price of facing up to what has been done. and her husband deserves to know.
NoIDidn't Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I would NOT put up with this from this woman. I would definitely tell her H and tell my H that I was doing it to stop her harassment. Honestly, if your H didn't want to face that her H might be upset about the whole thing, he wouldn't have had the A with her. This woman has a lot of nerve, the things she says to you. Pot meet kettle, seriously. The thing is, you and your H seem to be accepting what has happened in the past as just that and are trying to move forward. She is attacking your character and that is UNACCEPTABLE. Either tell her H, or risk your H's employment by telling the HR department what she is doing. You shouldn't have to put up with this from someone you are not married to.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 You shouldn't have to put up with this from someone you are not married to. True. Only a spouse should have the right to abuse and harrass you like this . I remain totally confused on who cheated on whom and when they did it. Kaly6177, why didn't you answer the question before as to the facts behind your original post? Mr. Lucky
NewSunrise Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 It is a damn shame isn't it that people don't think "ahead" before succumbing to infidelity. Kaly--you have one hell of a dilemma. So here's some thoughts: 1) Don't threaten the OW about telling her H unless you're prepared to do so. Her H will find out sooner or later and he may still go knock your husband's socks off at the office or after hours. It's just a matter of time. The question is when? Or he may not. For all you know, this may not be her first A. 2) Keep management (your H's employer) out of your personal affairs especially from your H. With current economy, your H could be handed the pink slip if his A with the OW interferes with his job/office. 3) IGNORE. IGNORE. IGNORE. You and your H MUST ignore her. She's one bitter OW who is determined to piss you off to a breaking point that will make you leave your H. She already knows that her confrontational behavior bothers you. And she'll keep at it. Don't feed into it because that's exactly what she expects and wants you to do just so she can double the ante. So don't answer her calls/texts AT ALL!! Your H must ignore her at all costs. His only contact should be strictly business----IN THE OFFICE! He needs to avoid her and NEVER be in a room alone with her. Let the OW screw up on her own. If the entire office knows about his A, he's got no other choice but to keep his distance from her and treat her like any other co-workers---professional level. If the OW continues to harass him, filing a harassment complaint could also cost him his job IF the company knows of the A---a high price to pay when married people play footsies with other co-workers. Sounds like MC is giving you two a chance to learn to become better communicators---keep it up. If your family already knows that you two are in counseling, they're not stupid. They probably already know that the marriage is in jeopardy. I'm guessing the kids might've probably spilled the beans. For now, it's sufficient for them to know that you two are working on the M. The right time will come to apologize to them. In the end, your marriage will either survive the A or it won't. They'll know then. Good luck.
jnj express Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Hey Kaly---If you want to shut the OW down, you tell her H. You don't know what kind of mge., the OW and her H., you only know what she told your H., and that is waht she really wanted him to hear so he would feel compassion for her and you saw what happened an A. resulted. For all you know OW may have a decent mge., going. What she doesn't want is you telling her H. Besides the OW H. needs to know so he can decide how to conduct his life, and how to deal with his cheating W. I promise you outing the A. to OWH will shut her down.
NewSunrise Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Hey Kaly---If you want to shut the OW down, you tell her H. You don't know what kind of mge., the OW and her H., you only know what she told your H., and that is waht she really wanted him to hear so he would feel compassion for her and you saw what happened an A. resulted. For all you know OW may have a decent mge., going. What she doesn't want is you telling her H. Besides the OW H. needs to know so he can decide how to conduct his life, and how to deal with his cheating W. I promise you outing the A. to OWH will shut her down. This advice is easier said than done. Remember there are kids in this equation. The OW's H's character or personality is unknown. IF the OW's H is anything like the OW, confrontational, there is no telling what her H is capable of or will do once he finds out. And when he does, there is no assurance that OW's H will not go to the office and confront Kaly's H. Expose the A to the OW's H only IF the children are safe from this dude. If the OW gets out of hand, then I'd say tell the H, followed by restraining order. If it gets to this point, the poster's H will have to let the company know since he and the OW work together. Another potential consequence? The company will see them as liabilities and could/will let them go. If I were their employer, I would.
NewSunrise Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 The thing that bothers me though is that her constant way of making snide comments when she answer the phone when I call his work. "You're lucky he is still giving you a second chance considering how f***ed up you treated him!" "How can you say you love him after everything that you did?!" "What kind of woman cheats on a good man?!" BTW---why is there a need to call your H at work when you know she answers the phone? Text your H to call you when he can. If you must call your H at work and the OW answers and gives you the same crap, calmly reply with, "I'm really sorry you're having a bad day. But may I talk to (your H's name) please? No need to state the obvious as in "my husband". If she continues to rant, let her and say, "Gee I'm so sorry. I do hope your day gets better. Will you connect me to ----, please? Minimize your contact to your H's work for emergency only. Expect that if the OW can't keep your H from you, she might do something to cause him to lose his job. She might turn the table on you by telling the boss that you're the one harassing her by you calling the office and using your H as an excuse to get to her. If she's smart she won't. But even the smartest people who become obsessed at something become unpredictable and do the most stupid things---self destruct.
blueintheface Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Hi kayla, it's good to hear you're making progress in your marriage. i know how infuriating the OW's behaviour can be, so i say to you "be the master of your own emotions". Don't LET HER control how YOU feel. If she makes you pissed off, be mad for a few minutes (or however much time you allocate), rail about her, scream, whatever and then pack it away (not in her presence or anyone else's). Let it go. Don't let the anger eat away at you because it can. It will literally eat a hole into your stomach (ulcers!! ). If you need to let the fustration out, do it here or talk to your husband. No need to blame him because I'm pretty sure your husband is kicking himself right now. SHe's got bunny boiler alert written all over her. Also the most annoying thing is trying to get a rise out of someone who remains calm. Easier said then done but you will come out appearing the winner. New sunrise gave good advice. I didn't even think aboutthe OW turning around and saying wife is harassing her.
Author kaly6177 Posted March 9, 2009 Author Posted March 9, 2009 True. Only a spouse should have the right to abuse and harrass you like this . I remain totally confused on who cheated on whom and when they did it. Kaly6177, why didn't you answer the question before as to the facts behind your original post? Mr. Lucky Mr. Lucky, I am not quite sure what questions you are referring to. As to who cheated on whom, I cheated first. I couldn't hide the relationship from my H so I told him what happened, so he knew what I had done. I also couldn't stay in the marriage knowing what I have done to my H, as well as knowing that my heart wasn't in fixing the marriage at the time so I left my H but continued the A with the OM. 5 months ago I ended the affair with the OM, I have had NC since. A month after I ended the affair with the OM, my H approached me about reconsiling and going to MC and FC. I happily agreed and I have been transparent to my husband ever since on everything. I found out a couple of weeks ago during a MC session that 2 weeks after we spoke of reconsiling that my H ended up sleeping with the OW. Prior to this, according to my H, the relationship had just been close friendship. They started becoming close friends after I left. My H was in a very bad shape emotionally because of what I did, and she offered comfort.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 I need you guys' input, please. Thank you So my H and I are still in MC. Things are ok, except for the part of the OW. He still has contact with her, but insists that they are just friends now and he wants nothing more from it. doesn't matter. it is HIGHLY inappropriate for him to be "friends" or in ANY contact whatsoever with the OW. PERIOD!! that or you can tell him you want to be friends with your OM...see how that goes I've seen both his emails and phone records, and it seems she initiates all the contact. Not an excuse, I know, but I don't know what to do at this time about it. he expects no contact with your OM, you should expect the same from him. You tell him you want the contact to stop as you have stopped all contact with your OM. The issue I am coming across is that the OW has been very confrontational towards me. My H told me that she knows that I know about their A. Yet she still finds it her right to confront me about the way I have treated my H. All the while, she is still married and has 2 children. Then its about time for you to rat her out to her husband. He deserves to know. Next time she contacts your H or you, just tell her..."anytime you want to arrange a sit down and discuss ALL of this with us and YOUR HUSBAND, you let me know....and if you don't stop contacting my H or me, I'll make the appointment myself". Her reason for being "close" to my husband is because her and her husband don't talk at all and she is unhappy. Boo f####g hoo. I understand that excuse as I have used that same exact excuse when I chose to cheat on my H. But still, that's all it is, an EXCUSE. The thing that bothers me though is that her constant way of making snide comments when she answer the phone when I call his work. She works with him? Then its time your husband starts sending out resumes. Your husband can't have expectations of your behavior, yet behave in a much different way himself. "You're lucky he is still giving you a second chance considering how f***ed up you treated him!" Call her boss and tell him/her how she is talking to you when you call, assuming there is not superior/subordinate relationship between your husband and the tramp, cuz it could get him fired. Am I wrong for feeling bothered by this woman? I really want to tell her husband, but is that the right thing to do? YES!!! Tell her husband. I don't know why she is treating you this way out of fear that you might tell him unless she really doesn't care. Second thing is I really feel the need to apologize to both of our families. My H's and mine, especially his, for everything that I have put everyone through. I just don't know how to put it into words. I know that a lot of people are angry at me for what I have done, and I honestly don't know if they can forgive me, but I need to try to at least apologize. Anyone have any suggestion on how do I go about this apology? I really want to do this for my H. I really don't know if an apology would do much. Depends on the family. I can say that when my boys grow up, get married, and one of their wives cheat on them, I'd never forgive them and they wouldn't be welcome in my house. And on the off chance that I sucked it up and allowed them in my house, there would be no niceties exchanged. hello, goodbye, and that would be it. But if a daughter-in-law was to apologize for cheating on my son, she'd get an earful. And I'd tell her if I ever find out she did it again, she'd never step foot in my house. But I'd be advising my sons to get a divorce. I wouldn't dwell on it, I'd say my peace and leave the decision to them. But they would get an "I told you so down the road" So apologize? dunno....I can't say one way or the other if that would be a good idea, I can only speculate as to what I'd do as a father of a betrayed kid.
Author kaly6177 Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 Thanks everyone for your replies. I really do appreciate all the advice and suggestions on this board. And because of you sharing your experiences with me, you have helped me tremendously with my marriage. Unfortunately as of today, with very much sadness I have decided to stop the reconcialiation with my H. I love him very much and wanted very badly to make our M work but at this point there is really no hope for it. He has a hard time letting go of the OW. Last night he wanted me to spend the night with him, and I did happily. This morning I found out that after I fell asleep he had spent hours on the phone with the OW. He confessed after his cell phone went off this morning at 6am from a text message he received from her. On top of what happened, my youngest child asked me this morning when I drove them to school why their daddy is being very mean to me. It really broke my heart that he asked me this. You see, my H has been very angry (which he rightfully should be) and has not been very nice to me, unless he wanted my company for a period of time. Otherwise, he is rude, condescending and just mean. I haven't said anything to him because I know I don't deserve a better treatment because of what I did. So I just take it from him. But unfortunately my children have noticed and are now asking questions. I decided to stop the reconcialition because I don't think he really wants to reconcile. I feel like he is just keeping me around because the OW is married and have told him she isn't going to leave her H. I told him this morning after dropping off the kids that I am proceeding with the divorce. He freaked out, started crying and asked me what I want him to do, and said that he would do anything. I told him that I don't know what he could do, that he had lied to our MC about the OW. And because of that we are just wasting our time and money attending MC. I know I am the cause of all of this, and if I hadn't cheated he wouldn't be with the OW. I just think that I need to let him go for good so that he can be with whomever he wants to be with. I just need to now just focus on my children. Again thanks everyone.
2sure Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 I understand that you cheated. That fact makes it easy for me and for you to say your getting what you deserve. But you know what? We are both wrong. Recovery from infidelity is a process. The first step in the process is stopping the affair. Not just the PA, the whole thing. No Contact. Did YOU? What other steps did you and your H take to recover from your affair? Because you didnt recover. The process was stopped by his affair. OK. But now his is continuing. The OW is not only part of his life and not a secret one - but also so much a part of your life , your marriage - that she feels entitled to give you advice. I dont know you, I dont know how you live, your lifestyle... But I do know this is a mess. Maybe its possible for your marriageto recover from this ...but at this point, the process has to start with his leaving the house. The next step is the same as it always is...OW's family has to be told.
Author kaly6177 Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 Recovery from infidelity is a process. The first step in the process is stopping the affair. Not just the PA, the whole thing. No Contact. Did YOU? I have had NC with the OM for almost 6 months now. H asked me to start MC a month after I ended the affair. He didn't even know I ended the affair until he asked me if "Mr. JackA**" was going to be with me to watch my son's play. Not that the OM was ever around my children, he's never even met them. What other steps did you and your H take to recover from your affair? Really we haven't recovered, we are in the process right now. We started MC, spent money on books, and I have been very transparent to him. He knows everything that I do and where I go. He has access to my email and phone records. He has a key to my apartment for when he wants to drop by without telling me. I keep my phone out of my purse so that I won't miss a call, text message or email from him. I wanted to show him that I am committed to our marriage and want to do the right thing by him.
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