Morgenstern Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Hi everyone. I remember when I first came on here about a year ago, to ask for advice. I had just met this girl at work, and I was so excited! Your advice worked and time passed and we were going to become engaged. Everyone knew it, the family the friends. Everything was perfect. On Tuesday, March 3rd, she was in a devastating car accident, colliding with a tractor trailer. I just don't feel as if my pain will ever go away, and I have some deep questions lingering which I am sure are normal. I am scheduled to seek professional help soon after all of the services for her, but this will help me to talk and break up the lonely morning hours. Last night after the first wake, my cousin and his girlfriend took me out to dinner. I felt a little better, and was finally able to eat some food for the first time in days. As I am eating I suddenly became very sick to my stomach, shortness of breath, and fear overcame me. My soulmate is watching over me, seeing me laugh after what happened. I fee like I am disrespecting her life, her soul by showing even a split second of happiness, or for a brief moment not thinking about her and the great loss everyone is suffering. Am I right to feel this way? I try to think she would want to see my try to be happy, she would never want me to be miserable and depressed, but at the same time I more strongly feel that I am disrespectful to her and her legacy. Her step mother had approached me and said that we were young, and overtime I will fall in love again, and to make sure I am not a stranger and to keep in touch and keep them filled in. I felt so confused. How could anyone be thinking about that now, let alone ever. I promised to take her hand in marriage, and I decided to burry her with her ring, so that we may finish our journey in heaven. What if in 5, 10, 15 years I do meet some one? Even with my promise to her. I am so lost and confused. Does that make me a bad person? I would be breaking a promise I am choosing today to make again. I could mourn her loss but not make this promise. But I am and want to make it. Does that make me a bad person if I did meet someone else? It is so soon to think about this, but her step mother knew what it was like to lose some one at such a young age and was only trying to comfort me.
Ronni_W Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Morgenstern, I am so sorry for your loss. My sympathies to you, and all your g/f's family, friends and loved ones. It depends on one's belief system. Personally, I believe that Departed Souls (or non-physical beings, or whatever term feels best) do NOT want their, er, human counterparts to suffer and be miserable on account of them. We do not "disrespect" them by carrying on with the business of living a happy and successful life. We grieve for ourselves, because we miss them. NOT because they "need" it from us. Nobody can ever defile or spoil your girlfriend's legacy -- she had and has sole control over that. Her legacy is what it is...nothing can change it now. No matter how her loved ones act, that makes to difference to how she lived her life, or what she stood for, or what she left on earth for other to remember her by...positive memories and the like. When you meet someone else, that will not be a reflection on this love that you shared. It will happen if/when it happens...so you need not add stress at this time. It will make you a human person, not a "bad" one. And, my sincere belief is that your girlfriend will be happy for you, when it happens. Have you heard the song 'I Believe' by Diamond Rio? My dad died when I was 13. It was amazing the different kinds of comfort and support that was offered. Some idiot (family friend) told me, "This is for the best." Yes, I know she was trying to console me, and for that I am grateful. But I remember thinking, "On whose effin' planet is THIS for the best, you stupid, stupid cow of a woman???" So. It's that people don't really know the best thing to say and do. Your girlfriend's immediate family will also be in shock, so they are likely to be doing and saying things now that they will have zero memory of, in the days, weeks and months ahead. So. There's also a lot of understanding and forgiveness that needs to happen at this time. As if you don't have enough on your plate, right? Sending hugs, Comfort and Guidance, Ronni
Recommended Posts