funnyguy09 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 This is an extremely long story but I think putting it in writing will do me some good. I'v been with a girl for 7 years. I was 19, she was 17 and we met while I was on vacation in Europe. She's from Italy and I'm from Canada but with Italian roots. It was love at first sight and even though I had other relationships before, she never had anything serious and was also a virgin. We only spent 3 months together that first summer but we kept constant contact on the phone and on the Internet. The endless hours on the phone got us even closer instead of drawing us apart. It was that young idealistic love and we were both ready to do anything to be together. Many people give up in the face of such adversity but we kept at it. I didn't have much money since I was in school and neither did she. I made some life changing decisions back then and decided to quit school and start my own business so I could earn more money and be free to visit her whenever I wanted. It was hard at first but it quickly paid off and we were soon seeing each other a lot, we traveled all over the world and had tremendous fun together. Eventually after 2 years, I moved over to Italy so I could be with her all the time. We didn't move in together at first and even when we did, it wasn't that great. Maybe we were too young ( I was 22, she was 20 ) but after a few failed attempts we did move in and things were great. Everybody who saw us knew that we were meant to be together. We were both smart, well educated and good looking, making that perfect couple. People could just tell by looking at us that we were happy together. I don't know if it's because it was our first love, or because we grew together and formed each other's personality but we were 100% compatible in every respect. All her friends became my friends, her family loved me and we used to go out all the time. I never had so much fun even with my friends back in Canada. Her girlfriends had a steady stream of boyfriends that came and went but we were always there as strong as ever. Things started changing in the Fall of 2008 when she became a bit more distant after starting a new job. I had to go on a business trip for a month and when I came back she was definitely colder and distant towards me. We basically stopped having sex and in November she told me she wants to break it off. I was shocked and confused and tried to give her space. I went on vacations, went back to my family and eventually she called me up in December to make up. I went back to Italy but things were still extremely weird. We spent the Holidays together and on January 2nd I found out the truth: she had been cheating on me with a co-worker since last September. It was devastating to say the least since I've given everything to this girl and never cheated on her. At first I thought I could get over it and told her to quit her job and move back to Canada with me. She couldn't do it, since by then, she was convinced she was in love with this new guy. I found out from her friends that what basically drove her to do this was the fact that I was the first and only man in her life and was curious what it was like to have sex with another guy ( how cruel is this! ). She's a very smart girl and I know she couldn't have sex with someone just for fun, so in a way, she HAD to fall for him even though by all accounts, her new lover wasn't as 'good' as me in any respect. I couldn't handle the fact that she 'loved' another guy and broke it off completely. I changed phone numbers and took her out completely even though it hurt tremendously. She started dating that guy, with me now out of the picture. Their relationship lasted two weeks after which she started calling everyone that knew me in order to find out where I moved, how to reach me and so on. It turns out that after I withdrew completely, she finally realized that what we had was the real deal and I was the man of her life. Some friends gave her my new contact info and she started desperately to try and win me back. Calling me all the time, begging for forgiveness and so on. I would find little hearts drawn on my car in the morning, heartbreaking e-mails in my Inbox and countless text messages on my phone. I was already trying to date other girls but it was useless. I could barely find enough interest to take them out to dinner and couldn't function sexually at all. I eventually started seeing her again but not in an official way. I kept on telling her that I will never forgive her and we will never be together again but I was drawn to her by everything. I wanted her affection, her love, her body but I knew I had no future with her. It was really pathetic. We would not talk for 2-3 days, then one of us would make contact, we met up, talked for 5-6 hours, have sex and in the morning I would leave and vow never to see her again. This couldn't last forever so we basically 'decided' to call it quits. She started seeing her lover again and I started dating other girls but it's just not working. She still calls me and misses me, she tries to make it work with him but I'm not sure if she will succeed. I failed miserably at dating other girls ( 5 so far ) and I think I just want to be alone and try and forget her but it seems impossible. I went to a therapist and she asked me to write 10 things I didn't like about her. I couldn't write a single one! From the beginning she was sweet and innocent and loved me with all her heart. We were meant to be together forever until she screwed it all up! God how I resent her for it. At this point we are both extremely miserable and I don't know what to do. I am and she is exactly what we are looking for in a partner but I just can't get over my pride to be with her again. I can never look at her the same way, and I will never love her the same. I read somewhere that to get over someone, it takes 1 month for every year of the relationship. That would mean 7 months for me, but I somehow feel that the recovery process will be much longer and harder. Some people find it easier because they find someone better and when they compare their previous boyfriend/girlfriend they find out it's better. How can I hope to find another great first love ?
janjan Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 At this point we are both extremely miserable and I don't know what to do. I am and she is exactly what we are looking for in a partner but I just can't get over my pride to be with her again. i know us guys all have our pride, and there are times you need to put your pride over your feelings, but you've been with this girl so long and from such a young age. i'm not saying what she did was justified, but when a girl commits from young they sometimes get those feelings that they didn't see all what was out there. i'm saying you can at least try to understand what gave her that temptation, and decide from there. women can get very overwhelmed by their emotions, and sometimes do impulsive things, and it's up to you if you can handle it. i wouldn't rule out making up, but if you do, work out in your mind what would it take for you to forgive her. also, if you do, maybe you should take a break so you can gain some perspective and not fall into a trap. what i mean is, sometimes you go through these things and you can make it, sometimes these things show that they are simply not into you and they will do something again. hopeful that you will arrive at what's best!
Author funnyguy09 Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 I have agreed to give her another chance but I am being very cautious. The first thing I asked her to do is to break-up with the other guy and tell him she wants to get back with me and to never contact her again. She did. I then called the guy, told him I wasn't mad at him for the first time they cheated on me since it was her fault, but this time he has no business interfering whatsoever. It was kind of weird because he was crying on the phone - most likely because he just got dumped! So we are 'back together' for almost a week and obviously things are weird. We haven't had sex yet since for now I don't feel that attracted to her physically. She slept over a few times and we mostly just talked and cuddled, not bringing up any of the hurtful events. Overall she wants to take it slow and does try a lot to inspire confidence/regain my trust. I'm more inclined to try and do everything together even though it doesn't feel right, hoping that common activities will bring us close again. I have to leave for another business trip ( 1month 1/2 ) and I am thinking this time apart will either make us or break us again. I'm posting because I'm not sure how to act when with her. I can easily be described as lifeless when around her and she says she worries a lot that I am not ok and will dump her soon, which makes her depressed as well. Should the relationship just resume from where it was before or what is the usual course of action here ? I realize some things were missing before and I am willing to work on them to better both of us but should we take it slow or impose ourselves a faster pace ? I have the feeling that if we sit around and do nothing, nothing will be solved and there's no progress being made. I have a feeling that what I'm doing right now is allowing me to heal while still having her and eventually I will be completely over her, for good. Is this possible ?
BackonTrack2 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 you won't be able to get over it, everytime your away, you will wonder. when the phone rings, you will wonder you won't trust her why did you call the guy? he doesn't have anything to do with it. she ALLOWED him inside of her in reality let me tell you what happen. you and your ex hooked up, you were her first. it lasted 7 years, in that time you toured the world. she got bored, unhappy, she fawked someone else. you were wondering what was wrong with her. in the mean-time she was having unprotected sex with another person for MONTHS, coming home and kissing you, sleeping next to you on your bed, in your home, pretending everything was great. when you went away, she had a cock in her mouth. she stop having sex with you, because she was fawking someone else. she does what girls do, became distant and cold. you found out and went MIA You are angry and furious and love her still and want to believe her BUT, your pride, is telling you no you my friend has just been hit with a baseball bat in the face by the last person you expected to hurt you. now you are dazed and confused and don't know what to do so you seek advice. The best thing you can do is teach her a lesson and leave for good, then the next person she has, she won't do it again. But with YOU, she'll do it again and if she doesn't, you always think she is and that will mess up your pride far worst than it is now, a man who couldn't leave his cheating girlfriend. U tried too, she just wouldn't quit, she just couldn't let you go and then you gave in.... it won't be the same.... That last relationship is OVER. It wasn't working for her..... This NEW ONE your starting, good luck
Author funnyguy09 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 Deep down I know you are right. What really hurts is also the fact that she finally came clean ( with details! ) about what she didn't like in our relationship: 1. I was her first, she wanted to know what it's like to screw other men 2. Apparently she never enjoyed sex that much with me. And the reason for that is that I have a fairly large penis! Now, I always knew I was bigger than average but what the hell kind of reason is this ? She claims she always felt pain and wasn't sure if it was me at fault or her, but her lack of experience made it go on like that for years. Admittedly, neither of us knew better but still, people have issues and fear of being cheated on for having a SMALLER penis not a bigger one. I'm not sure if it's my pride hurting because she enjoyed sex with another man or what. I wanted to provide her with everything and I thought I wasn't doing so bad: I run my own business, I took care of her, I'm in great shape, I'm well endowed and yet she preferred that small penis idiot. Stuff like this drives me crazy because I can't explain it.
Recommended Posts