LikkleMissConfused Posted October 7, 2003 Posted October 7, 2003 [font=times new roman][/font][color=red][/color]HELP!!!! GIVE IT ANOTHER CHANCE OR NOT! [color=black][/color]Most people will say I'm stupid but please here my story. I meet Billy when I was 20 I am now 25. We got on really well fell in love and he was honest with me and told me he had been to prison for four years. I still gave him a chance and we lasted three years. Two years ago my dad passed away then my relationship with Billy broke down. I couldn't handle it. I don't think Billy could handle what was going on inside of me as after losing my dad I changed alot and expected more from him. We bought a house togather and bought him a nice big car. All this seemed to get to his head and he started treating me bad. He assualted me three times and verbally abused me. We broke up a year ago and nothing has been sorted as the house and stuff. I have done some pretty bad and illegal things to him too. We meet at my uncles as I do not trust him to meet anywhere else. I can't allow him to treat me like that again but I still find myself having feelings for him. He would like to try again but for me its about me staying alive or going mad as I was on anti-depressants when things got really bad. Why am I still feeling for him, am I stupid but I do I still love him but I'm no fool and will not be giving him a chance to treat me like dirt again. Please give me some help and advice to help me make sense of this.
moimeme Posted October 7, 2003 Posted October 7, 2003 We like to believe that people are 'all bad' or 'all good' because it's easier to slot them into the categories of our consciousness. The fact of the matter is that people are shades of grey. He may well have a number of lovable characteristics. There may be things to admire about him. However, he also has some extremly undesirable traits and, in his case, the bad outweighs the good. I had to give up on a violent guy who had some very nice qualities. He was very bright, he could be very loving, and he was the kind of guy who'd go shovel the sidewalks for elderly neighbours. However, he drank and he could not control his anger when he drank. That's the problem with these guys; sometimes they are two people - one you can really love and the other who is impossible to live with. When you are tempted to remember his good side, remind yourself about what you suffered. I actually wrote down a list of the unpleasant things he'd done and I'd reread it whenever I'd start thinking I was missing him. It helped.
Thor Posted October 7, 2003 Posted October 7, 2003 To your knowledge, has Billy received counselling or treatment for anger management? If not, then stay far away from him. It takes willingness from the person who did the assault to seek out professional help to be treated. If he hasn't been treated then he'll more than likely abuse you again whether it be physical or verbal. Why do you still have feelings for him is a harder question to tackle. Each person "feels" and acts differently than others in relationships or situtations in general. I'm not sure why you would still have feelings for a man who assaulted you three times along with verbal abuse. Perhaps you should seek counselling as well. To me, you're voicing your doubt by posting it here. If there's doubt for the thought of having a second go-around then your inner voice is probably trying to tell you to stay away.
Author LikkleMissConfused Posted October 8, 2003 Author Posted October 8, 2003 Thank you for your response. Yes I know that he has tried anger management and counselling but has been unsuccessful. And yes I has feeling for the side of him which I fell in love with but not the abusive side. Yes you are right my heart says no to giving it another go and I have too much to lose like my family and my own self respect if I was to give him a go. I know what I need to do and I also know that he is now an untouchable love. One I will remember but not one worth fighting for. I know the truth but need advice from outsiders who can give me a objective view.
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