BobSacamento Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 but really mean it. I went on a date with this chick and she was really cool. Only problem is I'm not physically attracted to her. However, I would not mind being friends with her. She likes a lot of the same stuff I do. She asked ME out to a second date and I said I'd call her. Well time is up and I have to give her the verdict. I don't want to lead her on. Should I just bail and not even bother? Also my strategy has always been all women have female friends. Be friends with women and you may have access to those female friends. That's pretty much my idea. Be friends with her and see if she's got any decent looking friends. lol
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I would be straight up. Tell her that you really enjoy her company, but you don't feel the chemistry. Tell her that you want to be friends if she is interested, and that you're not just saying that. She could be thinking the same thing, you know. My friend's fiance went on a date with her cousin. They went out once, and it was clear that while they had a lot of laughs and a lot in common, they were not a love match. They decided to be friends, and they became best friends. He met my friend through her.
Author BobSacamento Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 Yeah I just sent the message hopefully she wasn't madly in love with my awesomeness lol BTW it was an online date sooooo you know how those go. Sometimes you take what you can get and they are really hit or miss.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Also my strategy has always been all women have female friends. Be friends with women and you may have access to those female friends. That's pretty much my idea. Be friends with her and see if she's got any decent looking friends. lol Thats slimy sorry to say so why did you even go out with her in the 1st place if theres no physical attraction why not just be honest right from the get go? Hanging around with her now just to see if she has any "good looking friends" makes you look desperate and shallow JMO... God are all men like this? seams to be a trend Ive noticed here the last few days puts me off to be honest...
chrislovestosurf Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 ive been there.. its so hard to do and chances are she will feel rejected and not want to talk to you again. You can take the easy road and tell her that you are not over your ex and have been talking to her again and may get back into the relationship. Or you be straight up. Good luck.
chrislovestosurf Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 wah wah wah..it wouldnt make him look desperate.. shallow maybe. Yes, I think a lot of guys would want to be friends with more girls a) to gain another friend and b) to meet her hot friends. Its called networking, ever hear of it? Thats slimy sorry to say so why did you even go out with her in the 1st place if theres no physical attraction why not just be honest right from the get go? Hanging around with her now just to see if she has any "good looking friends" makes you look desperate and shallow JMO... God are all men like this? seams to be a trend Ive noticed here the last few days puts me off to be honest...
Isolde Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 spanksthe monkey- It's not slimy. He gave her a chance, it's not like they were in a relationship for a month and he just decided he wasn't attracted anymore. It was one date. Geez. I've had this happen to me before ("there wasn't chemistry") and I lived... and I'm the stronger for it.
carhill Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 OP, polite honesty is the best policy IMO... Also, just so you know, the "friends" thing only works with platonic female friends, not women you've dated, especially ones who were/are interested in you romantically. So, if you want to network women, keep your penis in your pants.
Author BobSacamento Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 Honestly, if I was desperate I would have went on the second date. Networking is a good word for it. And hell maybe I might have friends she might be into.
AGBourne Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Learn Russian. Tell her in Russian that you want to be friends. Let her figure it out. By the time she does you'll be with someone else. Seriously, you have answered your own question.
carhill Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 And hell maybe I might have friends she might be into. *Mutual* platonic friends, or do you want your male friends to desert you too?
Author BobSacamento Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 Am I the only one who has female platonic friends here? lol However, I've never gotten one through dating.
carhill Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Neither have I. They all have come through mutual interests. An extension of that dynamic would be my best friend's wife "introducing" me to various ladies (many years ago). Sometimes friends (both male and female) were loathe to do such things because they thought my opinion of them might turn upon how the introduction worked out. Honestly, do you really want to be her friend? Offer non-romantic love and support to her? Is this about ego, Captain?
Author BobSacamento Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 It's pretty simple. I don't have friends around here who are into art. She goes to art galleries a lot.
Sam Spade Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Don't bother. No matter what you say she'll know the truth (you don't like her), so she'll resent you till the end of the world. So you can't be friends, maybe in some exceptional circumstances, but as a general pattern - probably no.
D-Lish Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 It's pretty simple. I don't have friends around here who are into art. She goes to art galleries a lot. It really all depends on whether or not she is okay with being your buddy. Networking is a good thing- but if she is interested in you romantically and you are not feeling the same way... she's not a network in progress.... she's way more likely to be a stalker in limbo.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 wah wah wah..it wouldnt make him look desperate.. shallow maybe. Yes, I think a lot of guys would want to be friends with more girls a) to gain another friend and b) to meet her hot friends. Its called networking, ever hear of it? To me its not networking its using others to get what you want and I'm not into it sorry if it works for #1 good on em. I mean really how would you feel if some one said hey I'm not attracted to you but id like to be your buddy just to see if I may meet one of your hot friends out of it? Common you cant see the selfishness of that just a tad? Maybe I'm just to nice maybe thats my fault maybe I'm anal who knows lol. I just personally wouldn't specifically use some one in that way knowing that was what I was really doing all along. Even more so if the girl was at some point genuinely interested in me..JMO.
Author BobSacamento Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 To me its not networking its using others to get what you want and I'm not into it sorry if it works for #1 good on em. I mean really how would you feel if some one said hey I'm not attracted to you but id like to be your buddy just to see if I may meet one of your hot friends out of it? Common you cant see the selfishness of that just a tad? Maybe I'm just to nice maybe thats my fault maybe I'm anal who knows lol. I just personally wouldn't specifically use some one in that way knowing that was what I was really doing all along. Even more so if the girl was at some point genuinely interested in me..JMO. Why would I care if someone who was a decent person wanted to hang with me to meet some of my friends? I am not going to be the one responsible for denying someone something special. Let someone meet whoever they want. The selfish thing would be to want to keep all my friends to myself would it not be? This type of networking is a two way street btw. That's how I look at it at least. Seems reasonable to me.
Isolde Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 It really all depends on whether or not she is okay with being your buddy. Networking is a good thing- but if she is interested in you romantically and you are not feeling the same way... she's not a network in progress.... she's way more likely to be a stalker in limbo. I don't agree. Women who are rejected romantically after one or two dates don't tend to revert to stalking behavior. OP, this has a chance, if you are sensitive towards her reaction.
Author BobSacamento Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 I mean she did invite me to something else like 2 weeks away after I told her I didn't feel chemistry between us and that I wasn't sure she felt the same way. So it seems like she's cool with it.
clv0116 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 God are all men like this? seams to be a trend Ive noticed here the last few days puts me off to be honest... Do we go out a time or two before deciding if we're interested? Do we reserve the right to not be interested? Yup, afraid so.
Island Girl Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Why would I care if someone who was a decent person wanted to hang with me to meet some of my friends? I am not going to be the one responsible for denying someone something special. Let someone meet whoever they want. The selfish thing would be to want to keep all my friends to myself would it not be? This type of networking is a two way street btw. That's how I look at it at least. Seems reasonable to me. This type of networking IS a two way street. A lot of times I have friend zoned a guy and then ended up dating one of his friends. Or he or his friends have dated my friends, etc. A lot of times though, when I have ended up dating one of the friends, the original guy that was friend zoned got completely jealous and angry. But I think it was more of a problem because of our age then. (20s)
carhill Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I mean she did invite me to something else like 2 weeks away after I told her I didn't feel chemistry between us and that I wasn't sure she felt the same way. So it seems like she's cool with it. You're a challenge
alphamale Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I don't want to lead her on. Should I just bail and not even bother? say something like: "you know, you're really fun (insert girls name here) but i didn't think there was any mutual romantic chemistry. i really do hope you find someone special cause you're a wonderful girl." try that, but don't do the friends thing with her either.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Why would I care if someone who was a decent person wanted to hang with me to meet some of my friends? . Because your not hanging out with them for their friendship alone your using them to see what else better may come along? Thats what I'm getting at and you yourself admit to that no? Didn't you say something along the lines of I hang out with some women to see if they have any decent looking friends? So I'm sorry but no matter how you dress that up to me its using some one for nothing but your own interests in the end.
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