saddy Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I've been a long term relationship that ended a few months ago, before that I was very shy (and I still am but I'm working hard on that) so I have very little, if no, experience of dating. I tried online dating websites, since it's probably the easiest way to meet people. After a few first attempts that went pretty bad, I am having a little bit more confidence but I still have no clear idea of how dates are supposed to go... I've been reading that "a date without a kiss is not a date"... well, is that true? Do girls expect a guy to kiss them at the end of a date? Then what kind of sign should I be looking for to know if that's the case? Moreover, meeting somebody through online dating is like going on a blind date, it's not like you already know each other. Going so fast sounds very awkward to me... And what's a good idea for a date? I usually suggest to have a drink for a first date, which sounds good to me, but what should I suggest for a second date? I met this girl lately: smart, pretty, funny. I don't want to screw it all and I must say that it makes me nervous. I've seen her 3 times. First time, we had a coffee, then I suggested going to a movie but there I was so nervous that my hands were sweaty and I couldn't dare to take her hand (no need to say that I didn't even try to kiss her). I then suggested to have lunch together. It was today. I don't know what to think... it was strange: we talked but it wasn't like the other times, was like the chemistry had faded. When we left each other, she asked me to say goodbye the french way (yeah, because I'm french by the way and no, it doesn't make me a love expert!), that's to say to kiss on the cheeks. And then she left without making it clear that she wanted to see me again... Now I'm all confused. I really like her and I'd really like to see again but I just don't know what to do. When calling back? What to suggest? Looks like "lunch date" wasn't a good idea so I'd like to come up with something more original but I don't have many ideas. I was thinking about going to a play, but I don't know if that's a good idea. As you can see, I got lots of questions....
Isolde Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 When you say the chemistry had faded, do you mean you didn't know what to say or that you didn't feel too "into" her anymore? I guess it sounds like you like her well enough, so I'd definitely ask her out one more time and do something in a relaxing setting... like a long walk by the beach or a picnic. Bonne chance!
D-Lish Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 what kind of sign should I be looking for hmmm.... what kind of sign should you be looking for..... hmmmm. I'm scratching my head on this one, there doesn't seem to be.... OH WAIT! When we left each other, she asked me to say goodbye the french way Yes, I am being sarcastic. I will be honest with you and let you in on something. If you don't make a move the next time, she's going to start friend-zoning you, if she hasn't already. Set something up asap and do dinner/drinks and loosen up a little. Fourth date? There should be some physical action happening by now. She's going to start to feel that you only like her as a friend.
Author saddy Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 It's more that I didn't know what to say... maybe I still had job stuff going through my head. But the conversation wasn't as interesting as last times, there was no jokes... well it wasn't as fun for me. D-Lish, thanks for the analyze. You might be right: now I feel stupid! But when should I call? and more important what can I suggest? Unfortunately, I won't have much time this weekend and I don't know if a restaurant is good place to make a move... you are seating far, in front of each other... I know, I must sound like completely stupid!
Author saddy Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 We went on another date this sunday. It went pretty well! When we were walking in a park she took my hand and when we left each other, I finally kissed her. She then asked me if I was having another date since I had told her that I had plans for the night. I said no and asked by the same way if she was. The answer was no. I thought this was a very good sign that she asked me that. Even if she said that it was "just to know", it's still a first step toward exclusivity, no? But I then discovered that she's still checking her online profile... what does it mean? Is she just not that into me?
BCCA Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 We went on another date this sunday. It went pretty well! When we were walking in a park she took my hand and when we left each other, I finally kissed her. She then asked me if I was having another date since I had told her that I had plans for the night. I said no and asked by the same way if she was. The answer was no. I thought this was a very good sign that she asked me that. Even if she said that it was "just to know", it's still a first step toward exclusivity, no? But I then discovered that she's still checking her online profile... what does it mean? Is she just not that into me? Its a bad idea to put all your eggs in one basket. What happens if you meet someone on the bus 10 minutes after leaving her and fall madly in love? Should she put her dating on hold for long enough to make sure youre no longer interested? No way. It sounds good to me. You should be checking your online profile, too, and not turning down other possibilities until you are officially exclusive. Its a delicate balance at first, and sometimes you'll think that things are great and the other person just dissapears. Dont check your online profile just to see if shes been on, actively pursue other dates. There is nothing wrong with dating around, and it usually makes it easier to be yourself if youre not worrying about ruining your only chance at a date. Take a deep breath, it sounds good to me my friend!
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