Dmoney28 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 i havent posted here in quite a while, so i guess this is more of a rant than anything else. Sort of a look back over the last past six months. For those not familiar with my story, i cheated on my GF of 3.5 years. The worst thing i have ever done in my life. The first 3 months was pure hell. I didnt sleep or eat. I cried constantly. I lost 25 pounds and developed a drinking problem. I Went through 6 months of psychologist sessions twice a month. Atteded church twice a week and made astounding changes in my life. I no longer smoke or drink, and live a pretty clean life. Havent had sex in 6 months ( waiting for a serious relationship). The odd thing is i would'nt have made these changes if my ex didnt stick to her guns and not got back together with me. Yes at first i did these changes to get her back...but after month 4, i started to like these changes in me. I have a calm heart and clear mind now. No more guilt or hiding things. No more trying to cover up my tracks. I actually thanked her for making that descion. It was the weirdest feeling. Now granted i still miss her. We have had cotact this whole time. I let her do all the txting, calling and emailing....i replied of course. This month she said 'im glad you're not that person anymore, and i still miss you everyday". and i repled likewise. Now she hasnt said anything about getting back together. And im kinda ok with that. I finally reached acceptance. DAMN it feels good. No more crying or sleepless night. Honestly i thought i would never get here. Now i didnt do the NC deal...although sometimes i wish i did. LC was kinda like break up methadone. We still care for each other, but under the circumstances of my cheating and dishonesty of the pass she might not be able to get over it. She say's she open to forgivness, but it will take time. She txt me last night saying "3.5 years seems like a eternity". So to all those in pain....trust me, it will get better. I still get sad from time to time, and still think of her. But not nearlly as much as i used to. So hang in there.....big shout out to Californiadreaming, missdependant and Iceman
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