OpenGL Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I know some people think that in order to be happy in a relationship you have to be perfectly happy single first. And I know a lot of people out there are truly happy just being by themselves. I am not one of them. I know this for sure now after my ex just recently broke up with me a few weeks ago. Before my last ex I was single for a little over and here and my moods ranged from unhappy to very depressed. It was literally a year of hell and that's definitely not something I want to repeat. I was only with my ex for about 4 months but that was literally the HAPPIEST I have been in a VERY long time. My entire mood and outlook on life was completely different a few weeks ago, now I feel myself slipping back into that always unhappy state I was in previously and I don't want to be there. I think maybe the reason why some people are perfectly happy being single is because when they are single they still have contact with women all the time and date a lot. My problem is when I am single, I am SINGLE, as in I have no contact with the opposite sex in the slightest. I really do try, I just really suck at picking up women and it's always been that way. The only time I get girlfriends is when women choose me, never the other way around. I'm 28 years only and I've only had 3 women choose me (this 3 gfs) so far and every time it's been completely random. Like I said I really don't know what to do, I don't want to be unhappy again but I for the life of me can't get women to be attracted to me. Any other guys in my situation? What am I to do?
BCCA Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I know some people think that in order to be happy in a relationship you have to be perfectly happy single first You know what really sucks? Its true. People, especially women, can FEEL it when youre looking for them to make you happy, and its unappealing. you can only ever count on yourself, no one else will always be there for you. And do you want to date someone who is looking for you to make them happy, or do you want to date a happy person that happens to like you? I think maybe the reason why some people are perfectly happy being single is because when they are single they still have contact with women all the time and date a lot. My problem is when I am single, I am SINGLE, as in I have no contact with the opposite sex in the slightest. I really do try, I just really suck at picking up women and it's always been that way. The only time I get girlfriends is when women choose me, never the other way around. I'm 28 years only and I've only had 3 women choose me (this 3 gfs) so far and every time it's been completely random. HAHAHA! Thanks for the laugh. Look man, I'm 28, and I dont have contact with women or date a lot at all. I try and talk to girls, and yeah, they reject me for the most part, but thats just dating. I know what youre thinking, I though the same thing, but trust me, its not like every single guy out there is a ladies man who just isnt settling down because hes getting booty from every which way. In fact, its usually quite the opposite. I don't want to be unhappy again but I for the life of me can't get women to be attracted to me. Any other guys in my situation? What am I to do? Here is what Im doing: stop trying until you can really deal with rejection. Right now, your self esteem is in the toilet, and every time you smile at a girl and she looks away, or you ask for a number and it doesnt happen, etc...you erode your self esteem even more. Youre thinking that its all YOUR fault that women dont like you and there is nothing to do to change that. Well, the first part may be partially true, but the real issue is that your self esteem is so low, youre affraid to be alone and are looking for someone else to make you happy. Women call that 'desperate' and they can smell it from a mile away. You HAVE to be ok with being on your own, and find things to make you happy without other people being involved. Its not easy, but start with getting some new clothes and working out for an hour a day. Dont try with women until youve bumped your self esteem up some more and can take a few rejections, which are just part of life. Most important, dont let yourself feel sorry for yourself anymore. Keep your chin up, and remember, even alone - youll be just fine.
kdark Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Meh. Just get used to the feeling. That's what I did.
Chicago_Guy Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I work out and that gives me some extra confidence. I'm not huge or anything, but I think that, all other things being equal, having at least a somewhat athletic build definitely helps to attract women.
clv0116 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Just go out and talk to women. Believe it or not they are people too, just like you in most ways, except they obsess about how big their ass is a lot more.
colosseum Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 And do you want to date someone who is looking for you to make them happy, or do you want to date a happy person that happens to like you? ... Look man, I'm 28, and I dont have contact with women or date a lot at all. I try and talk to girls, and yeah, they reject me for the most part, but thats just dating. I know what youre thinking, I though the same thing, but trust me, its not like every single guy out there is a ladies man who just isnt settling down because hes getting booty from every which way. In fact, its usually quite the opposite. ... Most important, dont let yourself feel sorry for yourself anymore. Keep your chin up, and remember, even alone - youll be just fine. Just go out and talk to women. Believe it or not they are people too, just like you in most ways, except they obsess about how big their ass is a lot more. I quote these passages because they hold some serious truth. But to add: 1. BCCA is right. You need to get out of this cycle of low self-esteem; I've been there and it a) sucks b) is really hard to try to get out of c) is in some twisted way appealing. But no, when you're in this stage, only worse things come: you feel bad about yourself, so when a girl rejects you, you feel worse, thinking it's your fault, etc. etc. You need to force yourself every day, every moment to fight this sentiment. 2. Find some things that will keep you active (exercise), driven (goals and plans) , and committed to you (interesting hobbies, books, etc.) There are always going to be people better than you at any given thing; but the only thing absolutely no one can best you at is being you; you are an interesting human being with his own unique story and life--relish it, cherish it, make the most of it, because for better or for worse, ultimately, only you are responsible for your own happiness. 3. With growing confidence and self-awareness, then comes practice, practice practice: and not just going to clubs and trying to "pick-up" women. Start by talking to strangers on the bus, at the cafe: whomever, whenever, wherever, about whatever--trust me this will help you realize that people are just people, nothing more nothing less, and boost your confidence so that when some girl rejects you, you can say "her loss" to yourself and mean it. Commit to yourself and your happiness. You will persevere. No offense to kdark, but please don't resign to just "getting used to the feeling." You, and only you, can change this. And it IS possible. I am a case in point. You can't win a game if you don't play. I have faith in you; best of luck.
jadelil25 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Unfortunatley being single sometimes is a part of life and it is something which everyone has to deal with. You can not expect another person to make you happy, that is not fair. A partner is their to help make you happy but it is something that you have to do your self and something which you need to learn. Also you need to calm down and relax. You can not push for a relationship to happen, if you do it puts pressure on things, makes life harder and things do not work out. You will meet someone when the time is right and when you least expect it. You need to go out and have fun with your friends. Enjoy life, have fun and take things as they come. Go out for meals and drinks, go to the cinema, bowling to a concert or anything. You also need to maybe get a hobby, join a club or a gym or something to make your self busy. I have been through depression and still get it sometimes so I know how you feel. The best thing you can do is help your self by talking to someone professional, learn about your problems and over come your fears. This is something you need to do your self and can not expect someone else to do it for you.
yeex Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Ok man, you have the wrong mindset from the get go which is not uncommon. You can't depend on a relationship to make you happy. If you have that kind of mindset then even if you do find somebody it will not work out. I would start buy reading every single one of these articles and it will bound to change your outlook regarding relationships and yourself: http://www.sosuave.com/articles/default.htm Some of these article try to sell things, but most of them are straight up articles with great tips and motivations. You need to work on your inner self in order to attract the women you really want. Don't think that the woman you really want is going to come out of no where and pick you up. it will never happen and you will waste lots of time. Being single is part of life that must be dealt with. Everybody goes through it. Also wouldn't you rather be single and be working to improve yourself then be stuck in some horrible emotional draining relationship that is not working out? Being single is not all that bad and it can make you a stronger person if you approach it right. I am single for now and I am not perfectly happy all the time, but I am certainly proud of myself and what I have accomplished as a whole so i certainly am never depressed. You can change if you put some effort into it. Don't just sit around and feel sorry for yourself and get depressed because that will never attract the ladies. Good luck bro!
kdark Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Please, don't read that pick up artist stuff. It just makes you even more depressed. I'm not going to manipulate a woman into liking me by acting like an "alpha male," when I most certainly am not. The stuff really does work though. I met a lot of great looking girls in bars with it. But I feel so disgusted with myself because I know that it isn't the real me. It honestly made me bitter that all I had to do was put on this mask of being an alpha, and I could get all of the women I wanted, but I had to completely hide who I really was. But to each his own. I still pull out the pickup artist tricks every once in a while to impress my friends and show a lady a good time, but it just feels so canned and hollow.
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