I used to date black guys and my new boyfriend is racist. How can I hide it from him

[dl4_cyborg]

It's times like this that I'd rather go overseas to do my wife shopping!

LOL

[UCFKevin]

Hey, wait a second guys, c'mon. Don't forget we DON'T know him and he IS really fine! Who CARES if he hates a whole race of people because of the color of their skin and probably wants to commit hate crimes every now and then and uses a term that is synonimous with hate? He's hot!

[reservoirdog1]

... it should be OK.

 

I mean, I hear Adolf Hitler was very pleasant when one met him socially.

 

Seriously, dump the piece of crap. If you have kids with him someday, he'll breed a bunch of little racists. Just what the world needs.

 

Keep in mind, racism is the refuge of the weak and the afraid. That should tell you a lot about his true nature -- he's an insecure coward who has to blame others for his own problems. And you consider him to be a man?

[Darkangelism]

Originally posted by UCFKevin

Hey, wait a second guys, c'mon. Don't forget we DON'T know him and he IS really fine! Who CARES if he hates a whole race of people because of the color of their skin and probably wants to commit hate crimes every now and then and uses a term that is synonimous with hate? He's hot!

 

 

LOL.

 

 

You shouldnt have to hide your past and if he leaves u if u tell him, he doesnt deserve you. Racists are bad people...i have had a few run ins with them.

[dyermaker]

My dad's a racist and he's a great man. Racists aren't bad people, they're just ignorant and miseducated.

[UCFKevin]

So if a guy kills another guy because he's black, that's not bad, that's just miseducation and ignorance?

 

I know that's an extreme, but you can't make a blanket comment like "Racists aren't bad people," Dyer, just because your dad is one. Maybe SOME aren't bad people, but they aren't necessarily great. ANyone who hates another person for no good reason other than the color of their skin, regardless of their other personality traits, they could be a brain surgeon who saves lives all day long, I don't think that person would qualify as being a "great" person.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by UCFKevin

So if a guy kills another guy because he's black, that's not bad, that's just miseducation and ignorance?

 

I didn't say my dad was violent. Nor did I say that racism wasn't bad, I just said that racists aren't bad people simply because they're miseducated. To answer your stupid, loaded question--Yes, it's bad. And it's miseducation and ignorance that caused him to hate. I wasn't defending the hate, I was defending the person.

 

Maybe SOME aren't bad people, but they aren't necessarily great.

 

My entire point was that it's impossible for you to judge the entire character of someone based on one thing. Most of you enlightened people who condemn racists seem pretty ignorant to me. You're basically simplifying something that is NOT simple. People like my dad didn't wake up one day and decide, "I'm going to hate black people, just to be mean"--they were miseducated, at a very young age taught to hate. It's not something one can easily recover from, he thinks he's righteous, just like you think you're righteous for condemning him.

[UCFKevin]

Well, it's the same damn thing with people over seas, they grow up and are taught to HATE the USA and they don't really know why.

 

Does that make it okay? No. Does it make them bad people? Not necessarily, but that might drive them to do something horrible without any good reason.

 

By the way, I wasn't SERIOUSLY asking that question, just so you know. I was making a point.

 

Although, it almost seems like you're defending your father because he didn't know better. That makes it okay? And I'm being righteous because I'm against racism? Wow. I just thought that was being a good human being. Well, whatever.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by UCFKevin

Does that make it okay? No. Does it make them bad people? Not necessarily, but that might drive them to do something horrible without any good reason.

I agree with you to a point--there are plenty of silent racists who aren't encouraged to be violent.

 

Although, it almost seems like you're defending your father because he didn't know better. That makes it okay?

It's not 'okay'--it's bad. Everyone has things that are bad, humans are not (if you'd pardon the expression) black and white, good and bad. My father's a great man, he's just incredibly ignorant, miseducated, and prejudiced.

 

 

And I'm being righteous because I'm against racism? Wow. I just thought that was being a good human being. Well, whatever.

 

You're being self-righteous because you're asserting that anyone who is racist is a bad person, intrinsically incapable of being good in your eyes. That would be moralistic in my mind.

 

Self-righteous (adj) : Piously sure of one's own righteousness; moralistic.

[befuddled11]

How can someone who's incredibly ignorant, miseducated (is that even a word?) and prejudiced really be a great person? These aren't exactly the qualities/attributes that most people would think of when describing someone who is great. So maybe he's great to you, but that doesn't mean he's a great person to others.

 

I understand your need to defend him, he is your father afterall.....but do you think you'd be so quick to say a racist person is capable of being a "great person" if you were a member of the minority group that that hatred is being targetted against?

 

If you were (I'm assuming you're not) African-American and some member of the Ku Klux Klan or a White Supremacy group came up to you and called you a filthy derogatory name....but was an upstanding citizen in their community......on the school board, gave lots of money to charities, attended church each Sunday, would you STILL be able to say they were capable of being a great person? I doubt it very very much.

 

I don't believe, personally, that "greatness" and "hatred" (of a race, skin color, religious group, etc) can ever go together. I'm with you, Kevin.

[UCFKevin]

Very well said.

 

I understand your need to defend him, he is your father afterall.....but do you think you'd be so quick to say a racist person is capable of being a "great person" if you were a member of the minority group that that hatred is being targetted against?

 

That is one hell of a good point.

 

Dyer, I think your heart is in the right place, but...well...you know where I stand on the issue.

[jester]

I don't believe, personally, that "greatness" and "hatred" (of a race, skin color, religious group, etc) can ever go together. I'm with you, Kevin.

 

I don't believe they're necessarily mutually exclusive--especially in the arts and sciences. Bad people can, and do, accomplish great things.

[befuddled11]

I guess it depends on an individual's definition of "great", as in "great person."

 

When I think of a quality that a 'great person' possesses, one of the first qualities I think of is the quality of respect. They respect themself, they respect others, they respect others' differences, they demonstrate respect. That being said, I can't see how someone who has hatred in their heart for, or demonstrates hatred toward, someone with a different skin color, has the kind of respect that a truly great person would have.

 

Yes, a lot of racist people were taught hatred and ignorance from a very early age....it was engrained into them. But I still don't think that's an "excuse" for remaining narrowminded and prejudiced and racist.

 

Look at a child who grows up witnessing his Dad beat his mother....that's all he's ever seen. Or the child who grows up in the home where his Dad or brothers sexually molest his sister. Should they grow up, and as adults, resort to beating the hell out of women or molesting their children or raping....should we excuse that and blame it all on, "well that's what they grew up with and were taught from an early age? Of course not. We despise child molesters and rapists and most people have little use for abusers.

 

Of course, there are those who grow up in the above homes, who don't go on to repeat what they witnessed........in fact, they resolve to never be like that.

 

I've never been one for justifying ignorance and prejudice and hatred by blaming it on one's childhood. I think that's a defeatist and cop-out sort of mindset, that only works to absolve people of blame they should own up to.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by befuddled11

These aren't exactly the qualities/attributes that most people would think of when describing someone who is great.

Your self-righteousness sickens me. I'm not seeking his approval, I know that he's a great man--he's incredibly selfless, and is capable of a kind of love that I value in this world. Whether or not you think he's great is your perogative. If you're willing to condemn someone for not being perfect, I'd think you're prejudice as well.

 

So maybe he's great to you, but that doesn't mean he's a great person to others.

No one's a great person to everyone.

 

I understand your need to defend him, he is your father afterall.....?

I don't really have a NEED to defend anyone. Tell me, oh enlightened holier-than-thou one--What's your NEED to attack him?

 

If you were (I'm assuming you're not) African-American and some member of the Ku Klux Klan or a White Supremacy group came up to you and called you a filthy derogatory name....but was an upstanding citizen in their community......on the school board, gave lots of money to charities, attended church each Sunday, would you STILL be able to say they were capable of being a great person? I doubt it very very much.

My dad is not a member of the Klu Klux Klan. My dad has never harmed someone because they are black. My dad has never defamed someone verbally for the sake of hate, completely unprovoked out of nowhere.

 

If you think that all racists wear cute white hoods and go around lynching people all the time--you grossly misunderstand racism. The racism of my father and many has to do with their THOUGHT proccesses, not their actions. My dad's not a criminal, he's just kind of stupid. His racist thoughts, and comments (comments that he makes to us, he recognizes that his thoughts are socially unacceptable, and has a sincere desire not to hurt anyone's feelings, so it's not like they can hear him) make him seem ignorant to me. Just as your prosthelisizing up there on your moral high-horse makes you seem ignorant to me as well.

[UCFKevin]

We've obviously hit a very touchy subject.

 

Not being perfect and being racist are two VERY different thing, Dyer. Racism is based on HATRED.

 

I'm curious how you'd feel about racism if your dad WASN'T racist? Would it still be kind of okay, and would a racist will potentially be a good person, or would you condemn it as much as the rest of us do?

 

Look, I could be talking to the most gorgeous, sweetest girl ever and I'd be ALL about her, but if she said, "Boy, one thing I sure hate is those damn niggers," that would basically negate all her good qualities.

 

You're defending your father and getting upset about this, that's understandable, but in a way, you're defending racism and you're lashing out against those who are AGAINST racism, and that's just making a hell of a lot of sense to me.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by UCFKevin

Not being perfect and being racist are two VERY different thing, Dyer. Racism is based on HATRED.

Everyone is capable of hatred Kevin, even almighty you. Racism is based on ignorance. If ignorance was rooted in volition, they wouldn't call it ignorance. Racism is a flaw in one's character, like so many flaws that incorporate hatred. No flaw makes you a bad person inherently-they just don't. Jealousy has elements of hatred, depression has elements of hatred, sadness has elements of hatred--you CANNOT judge a complex human entirely based on their flaws, it's ignorant to do so.

 

I'm curious how you'd feel about racism if your dad WASN'T racist? Would it still be kind of okay, and would a racist will potentially be a good person, or would you condemn it as much as the rest of us do?

Let me get this damned straight, before you keep throwing it in my face. RACISM IS NOT GOOD--I DO NOT DEFEND RACISM. RACISTS ARE IDIOTS! I didn't say it was kind of okay. I don't think infidelity is "kind of okay"--but that doesn't mean all cheaters are bad people. I don't think murder is kind of okay, but that doesn't mean I would condemn murderers in all cases (example: battered wife syndrome)

 

I really can't stand people who feel the NEED to assert their morality and enlightenment by condemning others--I see through it, and so do many.

[befuddled11]

Geez, I was only using the example of KKK and White Supremacy group as just that, an example. I'm certainly not saying that racists ONLY wear white hoods, for goodness sake!

 

I'm not sure we can get anywhere in this debate because your take on things is influenced by your love for your father, which is understandable. He is great to you, okay.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by befuddled11

I'm not sure we can get anywhere in this debate because your take on things is influenced by your love for your father, which is understandable.

I'm not sure we can get anywhere in this debate because your take on things is influenced by your own perceptions of the perfection of mankind, your own moral standards that you hold the world to, and you're condemnation of anyone whom you think doesn't fit those moral standards. Additionally, your method of debating is weak as well, as you focus on one small thing I'm saying and amplify it, which is understandable.

 

He is great to you, okay.

Oh? So he's not inherently bad? Oh? So all racists aren't terrible murders? No ****, humans are humans, and if you're so damn perfect, write a book, I'd love to read it.

[UCFKevin]

I don't limit my hatred to just one race, I hate just about everyone.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, Dyer, but you're coming down on us for being against racists. Is that right? You're turning this into a holier than thou, self righteous thing? How dare we judge someone for being racist?

 

That's pretty friggin' ridiculous, but go right on thinking how you're thinking. You are still pretty young, after all. You may have your head on straight about many things and come off very mature, but in this instance, I think, you have a little growing up to do. I hate to say that, but it's what I think.

[befuddled11]

Last time I checked, this wasn't the high school debating club, and if you don't like the way I debate, bite me.

 

Hating someone for NOTHING MORE than the color of their skin is abhorrant and ignorant and ludicrous. You can call me and anyone else who feels the same way "moralistic" or whateverthef*ck, I couldn't care less.........I don't even think it necessarily has to have anything to do with morals....it has everything to do with common sense. And if you hate a race of people because their skin is different than yours, for NOTHING more than that, you're an arseh*le. Maybe you're not evil, but you sure as hell ain't ever going to be considered "great" in my books. (to clarify here, before you get your panties in a bunch, I'm speaking "you" in the general sense, not specifically at you). Only a dumbass would hate someone for nothing more superficial than the color of their skin. Enough said, I can see we've hit a nerve with you, struck a chord, whatever you want to call it. You won't change my mind, I won't change yours.

[dyermaker]

Correct me if I'm wrong, Dyer, but you're coming down on us for being against racists. Is that right?

 

Yep, you're wrong. It's perfectly natural to be against racists. Racists annoy the crap out of me--how can someone be so ignorant?

 

I was coming down on your judgement of them that they're inherently bad people, and incapable of good. If it's your mission to make the entire world free of hatred, pardon me, I didn't notice your cape behind that cute smile of yours--but I was under the impression that you were human like the rest of us.

 

I think, you have a little growing up to do. I hate to say that, but it's what I think.

 

It's the trend of every member of this forum to say that I'm "wise beyond my years" when you agree with me, but that I need to "grow up" when you disagree. Clearly, you don't respect me enough to simply disagree with me, but that's okay. I'm dissapointed in your elitism, but not surprised.

 

Dumbasses can love too, dumbasses can be great people, can do great things. You're pretty ignorant if you judge the entirety of a person based on flaws in their character. Everyone has terrible flaws in their character--some people you can tell that right away, some people you have to look a little harder. Everyone is imperfect, except maybe you, of course.

[Darkangelism]

I don't think Dyer is tring to say that racism is ok, he is just saying that there are degrees to it. HE is taking about his father, few people wouldnt defend their parents.

 

 

I don't like racists, but some can be good people otherwise, i have one friend who wont date anybody that isnt white, and i have a hispanic friend who won't date any guy who isnt white, they are racist, but are good people otherwise. I personally think they are making a bad choice, but they were raised with those values(i am not saying that dyer is)

 

 

I think everbody is being to hard on him.

[UCFKevin]

When did ANYONE ever say that racists are incapable of good? I plainly said that a racist could easily be a brain surgeon who saves lives all day long, but the fact that he hates a whole creed for no good damn reason would make me lose respect for that person.

 

My grandfather's racist. Glares at black people when they walk by, as if they're going to mug him at any moment. Disgusts me. Makes me sick to my stomach that my grandfather has THAT huge of a flaw in his personality. He is otherwise a good guy, was a bomber in World War II, but the fact that he hates black people brings him down BIG TIME in my eyes.

 

Due to your bias, it's very hard to have this talk with you, I'm not entirely sure I'd act any differently if my father felt the same way yours does, who knows, but you're coming down on us for being so damn self righteous, what the hell does that make you? Now you're just coming down to petty insults and cutesy little jabs, so that means this debate can only go worse, therefore I'll just cut out of it now before I lose respect for you.

 

You feel your way, we feel ours, let's leave it at that.

 

Darkangel, I don't think a person only dating a certain color is racist, that's just their preferance. Unless they say, "No, I won't date him. He's BLACK." Some people just aren't attracted to other people of other races by nature, it ain't necessarily something that's been bred into him by his or her upbringing.

 

Personally, though, if I'm attracted to someone, I don't give a damn what race they are.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Darkangelism

I don't think Dyer is tring to say that racism is ok

 

I wasn't saying racism was okay. I'm saying that racists are okay--in the sense that one doesn't HAVE to conform to societal definitions of "okay" in order to function as an "okay" member of society.

 

I don't like racists, but some can be good people otherwise

 

I hate that my father's a racist. It's not my place to change him, or to condemn him--especially after all that he's done for me and those whom he loves.

[dyermaker]

It's got nothing to do with my father. He was just an example of a racist I know who does bad things, but isn't a bad person.

 

My jabs were in response to your jabs, I'm pretty good at ignoring veils.