HONEYBEE1974 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Hi, was hoping I could ask for your thoughts on something. 10 years ago, I went out with a male for a short time only - 6 months. However, we were very close and never fought and could talk for hours. I am not entirely clear why we split, except I was moving away to uni and he asked if he could come and I said no because I was young and silly and scared. I think he was a bit hurt and when I moved, he became cold and distant (metaphorically) and ended it with me. I moved back when my course finished and saw him in the street and he was very curt with me which I found hurtful. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I have thought about him over the years and tried to contact him through friends reunited, but never heard back. A few weeks ago, I decided to give it one last bash and I traced his e-mail and said that it would be good to hear from him, but if he didn't want to get in touch he didn't have to and I wouldn't bother him again. I got a mail a few days later saying he had no problem at all with me getting in touch and that it was great to hear from me. He asked how I was doing and told me briefly what he had been up to. He asked me to e-mail him back and sent the message to two e-mail addresses I have and when he realised, he sent a further mail saying he hope I had got his message (all on the same night). I e-mailed him the next day (probably the wrong thing to do) and have not heard back from him and it has been 5 days( nearly 6 days). Do you think he was just being polite when he asked me to get in touch. If he had really been pleased to hear from me, would he have not been checking his mail regularly to see if I replied and got back in touch sooner? It would be good to hear from a man's perspective. My mail was not overly long but I wonder if it might have been too gushy (although it was not at all sentimental and purely an outline of what I had been up to, with plenty of questions for him). Be good to hear what anyone thinks. Thanks, Honeybee
BCCA Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Well, for starters, what are you expecting here? I understand that your situation 10 years ago was not, in your eyes, good for a relationship, and you were young, scared, etc. That doesnt mean thats a good enough excuse for him, or that hes really interested in letting things go for the sake of seeing what happens now. It could very well have been good for him to hear that youre doing alright, but circumstances could be much different. He could be going in another direction in life, and just not want to rehash old problems and failed relationships (and just FYI, from a mans perspective, a relationship that ended is a failed one. experience is great, but we can usually care less, it was wasted time for the most part). To summarize, because I know I jumped around up there, he could be happy that youre ok, not dead or in jail, etc...but thats probably as far as it goes. Honestly, I had an ex do a similar thing, although it was 5 years later, and I never responded and have no regrets for not doing so. Sometimes, the past is simply the past.
gwynieatpain Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 and just FYI, from a mans perspective, a relationship that ended is a failed one. experience is great, but we can usually care less, it was wasted time for the most part. I guess it's not gendered. I have an ex who reached me two months ago and tried to initiate further contact. All I want was knowing that he was doing fine and that was it.
flash582 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 From his perspective you didn't feel strong enough about him to move 10 years ago ...... What's changed? (besides a few birthdays?) If you want to get with this guy your going to have to do more than e-mail him. You're going to have to ask him out and tell him what a fool you thought you were for not moving. Otherwise ..... it's all about you baby, and showing selfishness is NOT the way to impress a guy ... unless his Mom was really selfish. Face it ... that's the secret standard that all men hold you up against ... will you take care of him like his mom? But rock his world in the bedroom. Selflessness is the way to a man's heart, with a big dose of confidence.
Jay34 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 i agree with flash. if you want more let him know, you are the one that made the mistake and you are thinking of him still after 10 years... good luck
Author HONEYBEE1974 Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 ha, ha, thanks flash, you made me laugh. haven't heard from him, but will put your wise words to use in the future, perhaps, apart from the selflessness (will only be selfless if they are too - you surely respect each other as best friends would ). thanks for the posts though, have just joined this forum (and my first ever forum) and is nice to hear what others think x
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