gavinus Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I broke NC after 3 weeks and saw my ex gf who dumped me. (We were together for 3 years). We talked and over the course of the conversation I told her I had stumbled across narcissism on the internet and I told her a couple of traits she displayed while with me (looking for the perfect relationship, and low self esteem) fitted that bill. I then explained to her that I thought she was not a narcissist as I said in my opinion everybody is a melting pot of different things and I did not want her to spend the rest of her life looking for the perfect relationship and end up being alone. Further into the conversation she called me thick, and told me to leave, then told me she did not want to give me up, but then said she had given me up. I went home got about 1 hours sleep all night and went back the next morning as I felt guilt about the whole narcissist thing. She told me not to worry about it. I then told her as I love her I was letting her go, I then asked twice if she would call me and if she knew how I felt about her, she said she did and would, I then told her to be happy, she asked me to leave. When I brought up the horrible things she said about not loving me, lack of respect for me, I am the cause of her anger etc (She assaulted me a couple of times but was remorseful afterwards and would also get angry every 3 weeks at me for being myself) she then said she only said that stuff to make it easier on me to let her go. I have now been NC for 10 days and have heard nothing from her. I feel angry at myself for becoming obsessive and feel foolish for opening myself up to be hurt again. I want to contact her to apologize for what I said but should I? Have I destroyed the only chance to get her back? Instead of contacting her I want to do the right thing this time and am posting here instead, advice would be great.
Toodle Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 If you apologise, you are feeding this cycle of her laying into you for being yourself. You are essentially saying - it's ok to have a go, cos even though I might stand up for myself, I'll back down eventually. If you feel she's in the wrong, then stand your ground. If she walks, it's her loss, not yours. PS: laying into you for "being yourself" is a form of abuse, and not loving. Telling you kindly that certain behaviours of yours are causing her problems and discussing this like adults is loving. Do you like being made to feel bad for being yourself, or would you prefer being with someone who can help you grow in a supportive manner?
Author gavinus Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 yeah I am a man, a sad, upset, guilty feeling man , thanks for your advice
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 "I feel angry at myself for becoming obsessive and feel foolish for opening myself up to be hurt again. I want to contact her to apologize for what I said but should I? Have I destroyed the only chance to get her back? Instead of contacting her I want to do the right thing this time and am posting here instead, advice would be great". I mean unfortunately the things were said and done that both of you wished that you could take back but the best thing you can do at this point is learn from it. I believe that the space will help both of you, whether it be to get back together or to work your individual problems out. From reading the beginning of it when you called her a narcissist, that kind was a blow to her ego because I guess she didn't expect to hear that from you. Also reading further you said she assaulted you....that in my book is wrong. Regardless if you are a man or woman, no one should put their hands on another person, especially when the two of you are intimate. Anyways right now your in a confused state of mind and sound like you are remorseful about what was said and done, but right now, think about yourself and not her. Let the space help you two either get back together on better terms, or to help you heal and move on. I wish you luck.
miss-jem-bishop Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Well my advice would be too maybe write her a letter... yeah sounds sad but heyy worth a shot i say! Explain How You Feel And Let Her Know You Sorry Etc And What You Have Done Wrong And Bring Up Some Times You Spent Together That You Know She Enjoyed And Well Go Frm There Really... Jem x
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