lexi29 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 So this just happened to me again today, its not a big deal but I'm just curious why guys do this? The whole go up behind a woman and massage her shoulders thing. It seems like a lot of guys do this to me. At work when I started there was an older man (in his 50's) who was married and he would talk to everyone. However, he started massaging my shoulders while talking to me or he'd do it to say hello. It was kind of weird and one of the other older men (in his 50's as well) said something to me about it that it could be considered harrasement and I should tell him to stop. I didn't enjoy the attention but didn't want to be rude to him. Last summer I attended a picnic at my parents and they had a lot of their friends there. There is a guy in his 40's who is a friend of my parents and he was there. HE has a daughter ten years younger than me and I've known him since his daughter was six years old. He recently remarried about a year ago. I was wearing a tank top and shorts as it was summer and I was sitting talking to my mom and her friend and this guy (who I've always said hi to when I see him) came over and said hi and sat down behind me and proceeded to give me a ten minute massage. I didn't ask. Just sat there kind of awkwardly with a WTF look on my face. He sat there and talked to my mom while he did this. His wife was not there. Today at work this guy (who is a cop and the son of one of our supervisors) came over to my desk to say hi. He is a few years younger than me and married. We always talk a little. He knows my fiance. He comes up behind me asks if I've been staying out of trouble (his standard line) and starts massaging my shoulders and neck. My fiance's dad also does this to me. He will just put his arm around me and hug me once in awhile but most often when he sees me he'll just start rubbing my shoulders or tickle my neck. Its just so weird. I'm not a touchy feely person (I'll hug my friends) but I don't normally touch people unless I know them intimately (or they are family and then its just a hug). I don't think it is flirting or anything like that as all these guys are married. I 've asked my friends if I look like I'm tense or stressed or something (hence the need for a massage) and they say no. My own dad or any male relatives I have would NEVER give me a back massage (and I sure wouldn't ask) So what is up with these guys?
Art_Critic Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I don't think it is flirting Yes it is.. it is flirting under the guise of doing something sweet.. 10-1 each and every guy gets a hard on while doing it .. that my dear goes beyond flirting.. Personally I would think you would not allow a man's hands on your shoulders at the work place or any other place unless you are at a parlor or it is your fiancé's hands.. Your fiancé's Dad is getting his kicks... Shame on him... How do these make you feel ?
BCCA Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Yes it is.. it is flirting under the guise of doing something sweet.. Agreed, and its also a way to touch you without getting a face full of pepper spray. See if these same people give other people massages, they probably dont. Ive never touched a womans shoulders unless she was my mother or someone I found attractive.
GorillaTheater Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 10-1 each and every guy gets a hard on while doing it Yep, it's the truth. I agree with Art's entire post, but this, you know, stood out.
Author lexi29 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Yes it is.. it is flirting under the guise of doing something sweet.. 10-1 each and every guy gets a hard on while doing it .. that my dear goes beyond flirting.. Personally I would think you would not allow a man's hands on your shoulders at the work place or any other place unless you are at a parlor or it is your fiancé's hands.. Your fiancé's Dad is getting his kicks... Shame on him... How do these make you feel ? Ew Ew ewwww!! Well I never enjoyed it, thought it was a little odd, was a little embarrased and just figured they were touchy feely people and I'm not. I mean the 40 year old friend-of- parents, I've known him since I was about 16 or so. And my mom was sitting right there when he did it and they just commented hmm wish I had someone to give me a back massage. As far as them getting hard ons and everything, I'm going to go throw up now.
Art_Critic Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Well I never enjoyed it, thought it was a little odd, There ya go... Next time just say something like " not now.. I really don't want my shoulders rubbed" Turn them down enough times and they should stop
hotgurl Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 this happens to me and I just move away. Or with guys I know are offenders I position myself so they can't get behind me. Why did you let this one guy rub your shoulders for 10 minutes without doing anything?
JamesM Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Ditto everything AC said. And yes, guys do it for sexual pleasure as described how they do it to you. If they did it because you asked them, then I could say no. But yes, they are flirting in a disguised way. Actually, they are getting sexual pleasure in a disguised way. Just tell them...no thank you. Your bf gives the kind you like.
Sam Spade Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Friendly massage = your boyfriend swinging by with his shotgun. If you don't have a boyfriend and don't like the guy in question, bring the shotgun yourself. Unless the guy in question actually gives a good massage. If you like the guy in question, you still need to make sure you understand what exactly are your own boundaries. Shotgun always remains a good idea.
quankanne Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 this post just creeps the hell out of me. While I consider myself a friendly person, I don't like just anyone touching me or invading my territory. And an unwanted massage is a blatant invasion of territory IMO. next time someone starts in like that, friend or no, move out of their grasp and tell them, no thank you. Emphatically!
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