Ilovehim Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 So i give up. Obvioulsy he's not coming back and his last attempts to contact me wer ejust that "friendship" stuff. 7 months is a long time, he would have came back by now if he really wanted to but he doesn't want to. So i have to move on. I'm really hurting inside though and maybe I should be proud of myself for keeping NC for the sake of my dignity and so I can heal...It has been 4 months since the last time that I actually cried to him and told him I loved him. After that I left him alone and he was the one to always contact me. Now...nothing. We have both stopped. This situation is way too hard for me, it feels like I'm going insane because Im already a sensitive girl and it was the fact that he was my first love. Here is some of the feelings I keep going through these LONG months! When he first broke up with me I was in denial and for some reason didn't cry..Then I broke down SOOO BAD, I cried my heart out to him but nothing...he cried too but HE WOULD NOT GET BACK WITH ME! Then he said he had lost that "feeling of liking someone" with me, which hurt to hear and that he just wants to be friends. So I thought okay, friends--but then i couldn't be his friend...he wouldnt call me, I would call him crying and I was in TERRIBLE conditions. The first 3 months were truly the worst in my LIFE so far..I guess I would call this the period of extreme pain... Then I was "letting go" For a whole month, we didnt talk...I kept SO BUSY..I started doing better in school and just kept on going but it still hurt like hell.. However I WAS SO ANGRY at him...December was where I was so DEPRESSED..I stood at home most days and didnt want to tlak to any of my friends. I felt sooo much GUILT for how I had treated him and couldnt stop crying... JANUARY I started going out with my friends and dates and school...I felt a little better and started hoping that things would change. FEBRUARY I started being IN DENIAL again and hoping he would come back...apparently he didn't. Now in MARCH...I find my emotions all over the place...Memories keep popping up, I feel so bad for how I treated him, I miss him, I long for him, I want to see him and talk to him. I feel SOOO DOWN, I cant focus, nothing seems to matter...I know most of you will say "take him off the pedestal" but the truth is he IS an amazing person, he NEVER yelled at me or did me wrong..he had his flaws nobody is perfect but he was good to me. And I keep going through this crazy feelings...Sometimes I'll tell myself "im over him, im over everything"...other times I just want to cry my heart out..others I want to call him so bad and others I feel like I will keep going NC untill Im over him...Sometimes I feel the butterflies there and sometimes I feel like my butterflies have left too....but ONE THING I NEVER STOP FEELING is how much I truly care about this guy...I get so CONFUSED at times with what I feel...I think Im going crazy...I know I am in love with him but soemtimes since he doesnt love me back, I try to convince myself that maybe Im not in love..maybe I just REALLY love him and care for him..i know thats bull**** and its my HURT PRIDE AND BROKEN HEART speaking (i ffeel weird BEING SO IN LOVE with someone who doesnt feel the same and to make myself feel better and not so hurt n rejected I KEEP TELLING MYSELF TO STOP BEING IN LOVE WITH HIM because I feel stupid and hurt loving someone who doesnt love me back--if that makes any sense.BUT then i think of him with someone else and it hurts sooo much...I feel like Im tricking myself into believing that im not in love with him so that I can have an excuse to have him in my life..BUT I CANT BE JUST A FRIEND but I hate not talking to him...So I go through anger, guilt, confusion, denial, depression, sadness..Sometimes I also feel the hurt from rejection..like HOW CAN SOMEONE I LOVE WHO TOLD ME HE LOVED ME NOT LOVE ME BACK??? I feel so hurt when I see me from his eyes and see that he sees JUST A FRIEND...I also feel like my pride & dignity have been hurt....and like I JUST CANT WIN in this situation.....I MISS HIM WAY TOO MUCH AND I HAVE WAY TOO MANY THOUGHT AND FEELINGS!! I CANT EVEN SLEEP AT NIGHT!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!!!!! BASICALLY IM GOING CRAZY.............. and I had tow rite all this down somewhere just to get it out.........I know if anyone read this thinks im completely insane and out of it....well yes i know, but this is how i feel...unfortuantely. B
gavinus Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I can relate to what you are going through. It is like you go through anger, depression, hope, guilt, the past was perfect, the past was not that great, etc every day. I don't know how to cope any better, I suppose in the end you have to forgive yourself and let go, in order to grow and move on. One day at a time, and remember you are never alone!! there is always someone to talk to, and you will meet an awesome guy for you.
Blush Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I KNOW EXAAACTLY HOW YOU FEEL! EVERY single part of it! It killlllss sooo bad, and i know its been a long time which probably makes you more discouraged. However I have some suggestions that MIGHT help if you actually follow through with them. 1. Make a date with yourself. (sounds weird i know) Schedule a time during the week where you go out (just you) and sit at a coffee shop or a book store. And while your alone, write down ALL the things you forgive yourself for. Ex. hurting him etc. Also write down all the compliments you remember getting, and positive things people admire about you. TRUST me, you will start to feel better! 2. Hit the gym HARDER than you EVER have in your life! Not only because you'll end up getting an amazing bod, but ALSO because it will help relieve SOoo much of your emotional tension/stress/and worries. I found while i was getting over my ex that i would cryyyy sooo hard every night and i just cried so much! But once i started hitting the gym hard, I would come home and be too tired from my work-out to cry, i would just sleep! ps. you might even meet some new hotties to help you cope! 3. Try to think of some really happy or funny memories in your life, ones that instantly make you smile or laugh, and keep them stored in your mind! Whenever you find yourself about to cry or thinking about the whole situation, just pull out one of those memories! Its a long and difficult road, but you've come SO far, dont give up now! You can do it, you just have to love yourself as much as you can right now! Good Luck!
worlybear Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Do you still want him back? If so I'm going to stick my head above the parapet and say in order to gain some peace for yourself you need to take up his offer of friendship. Being friends gives you a basis to work from as it seems that you have a lot of unfinished business with him. Maybe drop him a friendly text? At the same time try and do things and go places independent of him so that you've something to talk to him about. The friendship may or may not develop into more but if when you do see him all you do is cry then he will not want to come back. Yes I know its difficult (still there myself,getting the t shirt) but he needs to see you as someone with her own personality ,and not feel that he is being used just as a shoulder to cry on. You sound in complete turmoil and at least this would give you some peace of mind.
miss-jem-bishop Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 So i give up. Obvioulsy he's not coming back and his last attempts to contact me wer ejust that "friendship" stuff. 7 months is a long time, he would have came back by now if he really wanted to but he doesn't want to. So i have to move on. I'm really hurting inside though and maybe I should be proud of myself for keeping NC for the sake of my dignity and so I can heal...It has been 4 months since the last time that I actually cried to him and told him I loved him. After that I left him alone and he was the one to always contact me. Now...nothing. We have both stopped. This situation is way too hard for me, it feels like I'm going insane because Im already a sensitive girl and it was the fact that he was my first love. Here is some of the feelings I keep going through these LONG months! When he first broke up with me I was in denial and for some reason didn't cry..Then I broke down SOOO BAD, I cried my heart out to him but nothing...he cried too but HE WOULD NOT GET BACK WITH ME! Then he said he had lost that "feeling of liking someone" with me, which hurt to hear and that he just wants to be friends. So I thought okay, friends--but then i couldn't be his friend...he wouldnt call me, I would call him crying and I was in TERRIBLE conditions. The first 3 months were truly the worst in my LIFE so far..I guess I would call this the period of extreme pain... Then I was "letting go" For a whole month, we didnt talk...I kept SO BUSY..I started doing better in school and just kept on going but it still hurt like hell.. However I WAS SO ANGRY at him...December was where I was so DEPRESSED..I stood at home most days and didnt want to tlak to any of my friends. I felt sooo much GUILT for how I had treated him and couldnt stop crying... JANUARY I started going out with my friends and dates and school...I felt a little better and started hoping that things would change. FEBRUARY I started being IN DENIAL again and hoping he would come back...apparently he didn't. Now in MARCH...I find my emotions all over the place...Memories keep popping up, I feel so bad for how I treated him, I miss him, I long for him, I want to see him and talk to him. I feel SOOO DOWN, I cant focus, nothing seems to matter...I know most of you will say "take him off the pedestal" but the truth is he IS an amazing person, he NEVER yelled at me or did me wrong..he had his flaws nobody is perfect but he was good to me. And I keep going through this crazy feelings...Sometimes I'll tell myself "im over him, im over everything"...other times I just want to cry my heart out..others I want to call him so bad and others I feel like I will keep going NC untill Im over him...Sometimes I feel the butterflies there and sometimes I feel like my butterflies have left too....but ONE THING I NEVER STOP FEELING is how much I truly care about this guy...I get so CONFUSED at times with what I feel...I think Im going crazy...I know I am in love with him but soemtimes since he doesnt love me back, I try to convince myself that maybe Im not in love..maybe I just REALLY love him and care for him..i know thats bull**** and its my HURT PRIDE AND BROKEN HEART speaking (i ffeel weird BEING SO IN LOVE with someone who doesnt feel the same and to make myself feel better and not so hurt n rejected I KEEP TELLING MYSELF TO STOP BEING IN LOVE WITH HIM because I feel stupid and hurt loving someone who doesnt love me back--if that makes any sense.BUT then i think of him with someone else and it hurts sooo much...I feel like Im tricking myself into believing that im not in love with him so that I can have an excuse to have him in my life..BUT I CANT BE JUST A FRIEND but I hate not talking to him...So I go through anger, guilt, confusion, denial, depression, sadness..Sometimes I also feel the hurt from rejection..like HOW CAN SOMEONE I LOVE WHO TOLD ME HE LOVED ME NOT LOVE ME BACK??? I feel so hurt when I see me from his eyes and see that he sees JUST A FRIEND...I also feel like my pride & dignity have been hurt....and like I JUST CANT WIN in this situation.....I MISS HIM WAY TOO MUCH AND I HAVE WAY TOO MANY THOUGHT AND FEELINGS!! I CANT EVEN SLEEP AT NIGHT!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!!!!! BASICALLY IM GOING CRAZY.............. and I had tow rite all this down somewhere just to get it out.........I know if anyone read this thinks im completely insane and out of it....well yes i know, but this is how i feel...unfortuantely. Well Where Do I Start Hey, Never Thought I Would Meet Someone IN The Same Boat As Me Basically Been Abit Longer With Me Tho... I Met A Guy 3 Years Ago And He Left Me 2 years Ago And Well Now its The Worst I feel Ecatly Like You Do I Cry, Lose Contact With Mates, Dnt Sleep, Dnt Wanna Go Work... Just Wanna Sit And Listen To Songs That Remind Me Of Him .. I Snap At people Not Meaning Too Etc... Its THE WORST!!! But Keeping Busy Does Help! But Unlucky For Me Something With This guy With Me Has Just Happened.. He Has Started Getting in Contact Bout 4 Months Ago And God It Hurts More He Has A Gf but Like To Come Round WHen She is Out Or Away But Not For Anything Just A Hug And We Speak Online For Hours I Told Him How i Feel And He Just Puts sad Face Saying U Know How I Feel Too But I Cant Cause Of Her ( His Current Gf) He Wont Leave Her yet He Wont Stop Meeting Me! Messed Up Hey... But Anyway Enough Bout My Problems..... Just remember hun, Everything Happens For A Reason And No One Said Life Would Be Easy But You Gotta Take The Good with The Bad, Smile With The Sad And Well Keep Smiling ... Yeah I Know Easy Said Than DOne Hey!! But They Say Everything Turns out To Be Ok In The End So If iTs Not Ok its Not The End! But Thats easy To Say Than Believe When You Feel Like You... I Suggest Jogging At Night With An Ipod/mp3 On I Tend To Find It Helps Sounds Stupied And I Broke Dwn Half Way A Few Times BUt Exercise And Stress Frm How U Feel Work Together And Help...<<< Worth A Try I Guess Tho... Spend More Time With Girly Mates And Guy Mates, Dont Contact Him But Sometimes Texts Him Being Sival Something Like... Heyy Long Time No Speak Just Thought Id See If Your Still Alive Haha.. You Ok ? What You Been Doing WIth Your Self ? x << Leave It At That No Reply Then maybe Texts Saying Was only being Friendly But Hey Dont WOrry Bout It!<< Leave it At That And See What Happens... SOemtimes Too Writting Down How Ur Feeling Helps To Like On Here But On Paper And ONe day You Will Read Them Bck And SMile Cause 1000 memories Wil fLash B4 You! Hope I Helped Here If You Wanna Ask Anything... Miss-jem-bishop x
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