jenniferlm Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Opinions please? To make a long story short: My bf (whom I have a child with) broke up with me last weekend. He said he felt no "spark" with me, and wanted to be with someone whom he did. And that he wanted this for me as well. He said he loved me, I was a great person, I treated him so well and was so nice to him, and that had I been a bitch, or mean to him, this would be so much easier for everyone. He asked me if I felt like our relationship was moving forward, and if I could see us together always. When I said "sure" he acted a bit annoyed and told me that I had been in a completely different relationship than him. I tried to explain that I felt a "spark" in a relationship was just temporary, and that things take work, especially when there are children. He said he liked the kids just fine, and felt closer to them every day, but not to me. All this happened the same week after he came back from being away on business for over a month. He said he'd been thinking about it while he'd been gone and wanted to wait "and see" what happened and how things were when he came back. We've had issues in the past before, he's gone through my computer to search for things, and I suspect he's gone through other things as well. So, what am I to think? Am I right in that a "spark" doesn't last forever sometimes? Is there more to this story? How to proceed?
Touche Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I'm sorry but I can't get past this: He said he liked the kids just fine, and felt closer to them every day, but not to me./QUOTE] You said you had a child together. I'm confused. Are these his kids? Or one of them is his? He "likes" his kids and is getting closer to them every day? What the? How long have you been together? Sounds like he found someone else, I'm sorry to say. Looks like he was trying to find a reason to leave you . What difference does all that stuff about "sparks" make now? He's made up his mind. How to proceed? Get a lawyer. You'll have to pursue child support and nail down custody arrangements. What more can you do?
2sure Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Oh honey, you are right 100%. Relationships, lifetime relationships, go through many phases, periods of and downs. Children, houses, jobs, finances, age...all of things bring with them different phases of a relationship. A lifetime relationship is just like a life. The relationship an individual entity of its own, with the same ups and downs. A lot of people think that marriage is just the paperwork of a relationship. But the paperwork sometimes is just what holds you together through a down period, like the responsibility of parenting can bring on. The more inconvenient it is to break up the union - the better. We need that to get through the hard parts and sometimes the boring parts. I dont know how many times I have seen people almost leave....but then find it was too inconvenient ...and then a week, a month, a year later...be so happy they stayed. But you arent married. And he may very well feel the spark is gone, there is not a lot you can do to make him wait it out.
Author jenniferlm Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 the oldest is genetically mine...his father passed away and he's kinda taken over the role of father figure. the youngest is genetically both of ours. And I must say...I thought it might be someone else too, and asked him, but he denied it. Not that someone would tell the truth about that now, would they? I wonder...
BCCA Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 When I said "sure" he acted a bit annoyed and told me that I had been in a completely different relationship than him So, he was expecting you to completely agree with his decision to end things despite telling him you didnt feel that way? Ive known so many people to do this, it just comes down to him wanting things to be as easy as possible on him, and you didnt help him out. Sounds like he found someone else, I'm sorry to say That would be my guess, too, although hopefully Im wrong. but he denied it Of course he did. Not that someone would tell the truth about that now, would they? I would say less than 5% of people would, maybe even more like 1%. Generally, people try to end things and then pretend like this new person theyre dating 36 minutes after dumping you just happened to come out of thin air and capture their heart. And as long as you cant prove he was lying, he can convince himself he's done no wrong. Call a lawyer, work out the child support and visitation. Tell him you want to remain civil because of your child, but outside of that, want nothing to do with him. Dont call, stop by, text, or email unless its about the child and visitation. Cut him out of your life, let it suck for a while, and get back out there when youre ready. What else can you do?
stillafool Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Lately it seems that all I am reading about is men who are unhappy because they don't feel "sparks or chemistry" in their relationships, yet they call us "needy". Anywho, I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Didn't Mr. Sparks notice he didn't feel 'sparks' with you before he impregnated you with his child? Or is this just something he noticed he was missing when he woke up one morning? Sounds like he has someone else I don't care what he says. Call your attorney.
BCCA Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Lately it seems that all I am reading about is men who are unhappy because they don't feel "sparks or chemistry" in their relationships, yet they call us "needy". Anywho, I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Didn't Mr. Sparks notice he didn't feel 'sparks' with you before he impregnated you with his child? Or is this just something he noticed he was missing when he woke up one morning? Sounds like he has someone else I don't care what he says. Call your attorney. Seems its been guys more lately, but trust me, women do the same thing. I've litterally heard the exact same thing from a girl I dated for about 8 months. To me, its an easy way to get out. Personal resposibility seems to be a thing of the past, so nowadays, people are blaming other people, or situations beyond their control (Id love to stay with you, but I just dont feel the spark - what can I do about it? LOL)
Author jenniferlm Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 Well at least I know I'm not crazy, to think that he has been cheating and that there is someone else. Does anyone think I should even bother to look for any proof? I'm thinking it doesn't really matter. I "know" the truth. I've also realized that this person has fooled me almost from day one. Saying things he didn't mean, not saying things he should have, not being completely honest and upfront with me about a LOT of things. Basically, the person I thought I was with, and building something with...doesn't exist. I'm going to take the advice NOT to contact him about anything, except when it has to do with the kid(s). He wants to come visit tomorrow. I plan on letting him do this, but removing myself from the room alltogether. When he arrives to visit them, I will go to my room with a book and my computer. I no longer want to even look at him. The more I think about it....the more I realize that I just have NO respect for him anymore. I'm disgusted by him, but I'm also disgusted with myself for having been fooled by such a fake, lying, immature, unrealistic, selfish, insecure, sad excuse for a human being.
chrislovestosurf Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 i just feel bad for your child, now he/she has to grow up with a situation like this.
Author jenniferlm Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 I do too. All over a spark. I told him I thought it was silly And that I wanted to work at things. And that I just didn't understand. But he was very adamant. He wouldn't really listen to what I was saying or trying to tell him. There really wasn't anything else I could do, and as I and everyone else thinks, he has been seeing someone else. I'm sickened that he would do this. Especially when I feel like I haven't done anything wrong here. He even said I hadn't ...that he loved me but wasn't IN love with me, and wanted to be with someone he felt SPARKS with, and CHEMISTRY with. What else am I to do?
colosseum Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Sounds to me like a dick who couldn't stay committed for himself, the good of his child and his girl. Sounds to me like he wasn't "man" enough to go through thick & thin. Sorry to hear that--you deserve better.
stillafool Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I do too. All over a spark. I told him I thought it was silly And that I wanted to work at things. And that I just didn't understand. But he was very adamant. He wouldn't really listen to what I was saying or trying to tell him. There really wasn't anything else I could do, and as I and everyone else thinks, he has been seeing someone else. I'm sickened that he would do this. Especially when I feel like I haven't done anything wrong here. He even said I hadn't ...that he loved me but wasn't IN love with me, and wanted to be with someone he felt SPARKS with, and CHEMISTRY with. What else am I to do? There is nothing else you can do but separate. I know you are hurt but in time it will turn to anger that he didn't inform you of his "lack of chemistry" along time ago and not have wasted your time. You deserve someone who will be in love with you and has the same feelings for you that you have for him. You will find that kind of love but first you have to let this guy go.
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