Mr.Blue Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Relationship Duration: 1 year and 7 months Ages: Male: 22, Female: 21, both college students Financial situation: Broke Last night my girlfriend and I sat down and talked. She told me that the relationship is getting boring, and she's starting to lose interest in me. She continued to say that all we do is study, eat, go on the computer, watch T.V., and sleep. She said recently everything seems repetitive and boring. It's not the same as before. I told her I love her very much, and I never felt that way. I am very comfortable with her. Long story short, she kept on talking about the negatives of our relationship, but she never said "we should break up." So I asked her if she wanted this relationship to end, and she nodded. She went on saying I'll find someone better than her. I'm accepted it her decision and told her that if that's the way she feels then it is pointless to continue. I was about to leave and she stopped me, kissed me, and said she really don't know what she is doing...I stayed with her for the night. What should I do? She can't make up her mind... *No she not cheating on me.*
Ronni_W Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 What should I do? She can't make up her mind... For your own self-esteem and self-respect, the wisest is probably also the most difficult. Say, "Do not contact me again, until you have made up your mind." And then stick to your side of 'no contact' no matter what. Unless you are physically stopping her from doing things OTHER than what you listed, she is wrongly making you/the relationship responsible for the rest of her life (her life outside of the normal/healthy boundaries of a romantic relationship, that is), instead of creating her own interesting and exciting life -- It is on each of us to ensure that we are fulfilling all our own emotional, mental, social, financial and spiritual needs, and unrealistic and unreasonable to expect any single relationship to be all, and do all.
Author Mr.Blue Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Would not let me edit the original post, here's a little more detail: Relationship Duration: 1 year and 7 months Ages: Male: 22, Female: 21, both college students Financial situation: Broke Last night my girlfriend and I sat down and talked. She told me that the relationship is getting boring, and she's starting to lose interest in me. She continued to say that all we do is study, eat, go on the computer, watch T.V., and sleep. She said recently everything seems repetitive and boring. It's not the same as before. I told her I love her very much, and I never felt that way. I am very comfortable with her. Long story short, she kept on talking about the negatives of our relationship, but she never said "we should break up." So I asked her if she wanted this relationship to end, and she nodded. She claimed that she is still young, and wants to see what's out there. She went on saying I'll find someone better than her. She assured me that we will still be best friends. I've accepted her decision and told her that if that's the way she feels then it is pointless to continue. I was about to leave but she stopped me, with teary eyes she kissed me, and said she really don't know what she is doing...I stayed with her for the night. Honestly I want this relationship to work, but apparently it is one sided. What should I do? *No she's not cheating on me.*
haley121 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Of course it's not "the same as before!" Is this her first long-term relationship? Maybe she’s never experienced the fizzling out of the “honeymoon” stage before. The boredom factor creeps into most relationships at one point or another I would think, at least to some extent. Ask her if she thinks you could work together to get out of your relationship rut. Don’t pressure or persuade her, but just ask. You could work through the boredom thing by making a list of fun random things to do, and every time you two feel a little bored, go do one! Find an activity that you both enjoy that you can do on a somewhat regular basis together (sports, volunteering, cooking, etc.) Also, if you two decide to work on the relationship, I think it’s important that you give each other space to pursue individual activities as well. She might be feeling frustrated that she doesn’t have much of a life outside of you, and she might feel like she’s missing out. This is not at all your fault, but you can help this by making sure each of you have at least one activity that does not involve the other. Encourage her to go out with her friends without you sometimes and have parts of her life that she can call her own. If you talk through all this, and she still seems to want to end the relationship, then it comes down to the fact that she just isn’t ready for commitment or that you just aren’t the right one for her. Either she will be willing to work through this or she won’t, so be a man and tell her if she’s not sure, then it’s over--be firm but not harsh about this. Here is the most important part: If it is really over, DON’T try to be her friend. Don't fall for the "I still want to be really good friends" thing. GO NO CONTACT. What she wants right now is to have the freedom and excitement she so desperately craves, but she wants you there as a safety net so she has someone to fall back on! I don't blame her because I think that’s human nature, but that’s not healthy for you OR her, so DON’T let that happen. Really. Trust me on that one.
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Well if you don't want the relationship to end than try doing the things the she is complaining about, meaning going out once and a blue, and I know you stated that financially you are broke, but depending on where you live, maybe there are things that you can do that doesn't cost you anything. I mean has she even offered to take you out, or pay for dinner or a movie since she's so bored about never doing the things she wants to do? Also do the little things...compliment her, write a note or text her with like "I was thinking about you", "I miss you", type stuff that will make her smile. Believe it or not the little things go a long way and is much appreciated. If you don't want to lose her, it doesn't mean you have to change the person you are, just find ways to make her happy, without being too attached to her.
miss-jem-bishop Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 girls get abit like this at time... we have alot on our minds it builds up and we get wayy confused.com lol.... so personally i would say too her how you feel and say you say our realtionship is boring but a realtionship is what you make it and maybe you both shud dissuse what you both like doing and do something about it! like cinema and be fun go to the park sounds childish but trust me life is what u make it! ... tell her you wanna take it slow try and improve on things and then if things dnt change then sit down and talk bout what is to happen next! x
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