ldngal Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Hi all. New to the forum, be gentle with me. Well.. where to begin. I've been with a guy for two years and 7 months. I had been with a guy for that time. Three weeks ago on Tuesday last he decided to inform me that our relationship is over because 'he is no good for me and I am no good for him'. Bit of background. Our relationship has had its ups and downs and also times when he has blown hot and cold and I suppose so have I whenever he has had his changes in tempreature. There are underlying issues of addiction on his part and during the first 7 months or so of our relationship he wasn't working any type of recovery and relapsed twice. Lots of manipulation and game playing around that and there was some breaking up and making up but we seemed to stay together and after a year of being together we started living together. He now has 2 years on the wagon and is in a programme. Just over a year ago I found out that his ex wife (ex for about I dunno 10 years or something and someone who he said he never would want contact with again... messy divorce) had emailed him out of the blue with a Hi and been thinking about you email. He replied and struck up a correspondence with her. She had mailed him at a webmail address and he had forwarded a copy of this to his work email addy and carried on the correspondence from there. Well I was surprised (after he had said he never wanted anything to do with her when we had a talk about the things that happened in his relationship with her) that he had responded, surprised he'd corresponded with someone he said he wouldn't ever trust from his work email addy, surprised he didn't once mention he was living with someone or anything about us even though the 'chat' included what are you doing now, but more importantly... surprised he'd not mentioned one word about it. When I asked him about it apart from getting upset that I'd seen it he said he was going to tell me. Well... tbh.. I didn't believe that. And so ensued a year of not having any intimacy (I think you know what I mean). I felt betrayed (this stemming back to when he was not in recovery and was doing things to try and make me jealous I suppose by chatting to random women on the internet and being secretive). Kissing got so far and then my fear would take over. There was distance. Although we still sent loving texts and cuddled and said we loved each other. A year of this and I had enough. So three weeks ago on Monday (yes the day before the break up talk) I took myself off to counselling (group). It was probably my relaying what I felt post that which triggered him off (lol). Well the next day came the break up announcement. A bit of a curveball. We agreed that we were more like housemates than bf/gf.. although now we are really housemates until I leave there was more than that in hindsight. But he couldn't see working on it...well...working. I was willing to work on it but said there was no point if only one of us was going to do it. I asked him how long he had felt like this and he said he didn't know he couldn't remember when the feeling came. Interesting to note.. the day before he was sending me lovey dovey texts and being 'normal'...hence it coming out of the blue to me. So now what. Well, economic circumstances mean I couldn't just up and leave straight away and I (stupidly in hindsight) moved into his house so I have all my stuff here and no real security. Breaking up means me getting a property, if I can't stay in the area moving job, and getting my stuff out by removal men. I haven't begged him to change his mind. I accept I can not do that. You can't make someone want to be with you and I'm not going to tear myself up trying. I'm sorting out getting out. In fact today I've decided to just take the leap as if I wait for everything to be perfect I could still be here next week. However, a few things have happened which are befuddling me... We had a tiny conversation last week and apparently he is conflicted (or he was when we talked)... I took a suitcase out with me on Monday when I was off to a meeting (nothing sinister just toting some stuff somewhere) and he was asking me where are you going with that, why are you taking a suitacse out... I've detached from him.. he doesn't like it. He is huffy when I want him to skedaddle and want my space. He sometimes tries to engage me with cutsey reminders of the way he is and tries to be charming. He is way too interested in what's going on with me (I had a sore back and he kept doing a puppy dog concerned face and badgering me to go to the Docs.. something he did when he was the bf.. I had to tell him several times my back was not his concern). And the killer... I am not allowed to have any contact with men until I leave. Now as I said to him, I respect his home and his feelings, I'm hardly likely to bring a guy back or rub anything in his face, but to say I cannot get on with my life after he is the one set me free is a bit bliddy rich. Is it me... or is this, as I suspect, more mind games...
Author ldngal Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 A quick addendum... Earlier I sent my ex an email. I've reserved some storage for my stuff and asked if his offer to help (given when we first split) still stood. He just got in from work and I asked him if he had received my email. He said no and asked what it was. So I told him.. I've reserved storage and need to know whether his offer to help move my stuff out still stands as I will need to book a truck or if it doesn't I will need to get removers. He asked why I didn't text him with this.. (Errr well.. I deleted his number from my phone yesterday ) I said I don't have your number to which he replied well you have my email why not my number. I told him I'd deleted it and his reply was 'oh thanks'. He also doesn't seem to be a happy camper about me moving my stuff out. all I can say is WTF..
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