lovestory5 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Many people say that they love, but do they really know what love is? A man can say that he loves, but at the same he goes to work and cheats his wife with the secretary. We can love dogs and cats, people and things. What love is the most strongest? One person can’t live without his second half; somebody can’t live without his friend, a mother understands that she can’t live without her newborn child. We love different people, different people love us. What we know for sure is that we need to love, only then there is a sense to live. Some famous people made quotations about love. "One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love." - Sophocles "Attention is the most basic form of love; through it we bless and are blessed." - John Tarrant What is love for you? What love do you expect from your second half? Why love disappears after some years of marriage? Why love disappears after many years of dating? Can we really love till the end of our lives or is this only romantics? Dear Ops, what do you think about it? Why people get married and are sure that they love this person and then in 1, 2, 5 years the love disappears? Does this happen with everybody? Who should be the most important person in our life: second half, children, parents? I will be very glad to hear all the thoughts.
soon2Bfiling Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I believe it's not the Love that disappears it's the passion that most crave.The feeling of being a sexual person who is in demand it's the feeling of the your first kiss when you where young.Some people need to feel this more often than others , as we age we feel the need to prove to ourselves we still got it! Some can be loved and love and still need to fill that void. IMO
OregonTraveller Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I think when either the woman forgets that her husband is a real Man...a sexual man....or that his wife is a sexual woman. I've read the book Kosher Adultery....very interesting premise. We want the trust and love....but sometimes the cost is passion. I mean once you completely trust...it can get to the mode of boring. He/She would never...theres nothing exciting. So the answer in that book...was to have an affair with you spouse...and some got pretty imaginative...my wife hates the title...so we havent talked about it
LiveandLearn Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I agree with the previous posters. It's not the "love" that disappears, but the passion; the euphoria, the 'high' you get when you enter a new relationship. Unfortunately, that 'love high' doesn't last. It eventually wears off and you have to 'work' at keeping it going. People tend to get into a comfort zone. You get into a routine. Everyday life starts to take precedence over the relationship itself once you feel you have secured the relationship. You feel like you don't have to try anymore.
Author lovestory5 Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 And what should we do if the passion disappears? Should we live in the routine or should we start the new life with the new partner? Does it happen in all families? Does it true that people of age 70 say that they still love each other as though they were 20?
LiveandLearn Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 And what should we do if the passion disappears? Should we live in the routine or should we start the new life with the new partner? Does it happen in all families? Does it true that people of age 70 say that they still love each other as though they were 20? Starting a new life w/ a new partner isn't the answer. You start doing what you USED to do with and for your current partner, but have stopped doing for whatever reason. You stop taking the relationship and your partner for granted. You don't stop 'the chase'. After a while, your significant other can tend to feel more like a roommate. That's when you bring the romance back into your relationship. I can't say that it happens in all families. Every family/relationship is different. But it is common for the 'excitement' in relationships to die down.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 You start doing what you USED to do with and for your current partner, but have stopped doing for whatever reason. Well said. Think of all the affection, both physical and emotional, that you showered on your partner in the early phases of the relationship. When couples let that shrink to nothing, it's the kiss of death for a marriage. Most people put more thought to yard maintenance than they do to marital upkeep... Mr. Lucky
soserious1 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Well said. Think of all the affection, both physical and emotional, that you showered on your partner in the early phases of the relationship. When couples let that shrink to nothing, it's the kiss of death for a marriage. Most people put more thought to yard maintenance than they do to marital upkeep... Mr. Lucky Probably because yard maintenance returns,far,far,far more real value
Author lovestory5 Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 Dear OPs, thnak you for the good conversation. It is really intretsing to talk with such people.
Nikki Sahagin Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Well love is one of the greatest mysteries of all so it is quite impossible to make sense of. I agree with other posters that it is not usually love that fades (love is pretty unbreakable) but passion and excitement. Unless you break up because of relatively harsh circumstances (and often, even if you do) you will still love them. I believe once love is forged, it can never be destroyed, even if you are no longer with that person. As for why does passion fade, I think passion is natures way of getting people to make babies. Once the babies are made - nature sees no need for us to remain passionate for each other because the deed has been done. Really passion, excitment, lust etc only serves one function - to get us to make babies. Once we've made the babies - we don't NEED that passion any longer, but we certainly WANT it, at least many of us. I think it is easy to stay in love but very difficult to stay in lust. As you get used to a body and know every freckle and curve of it, yes you may love and care for that body, but does it still make you feel WOW? Maybe for some people it does...but I think for most of us no it doesn't. And then it only ages and sags and there are younger bodies about - and it becomes a true committment to remain with that person. Some people CAN remain 'in lust' but I think it may be when the rapour, the click, the excitment they spark is so intense, oftentimes quite destructive, but I think 'normal, vanilla' attraction is destined to fade which is why we all go to so much effort to rekindle it. There's a reason people need variety. They can stay with one partner but they might like them to dress up, role-play, talk dirty etc to keep interest because interest does wane. It's a great mystery. It's difficult to keep a persons interest... Unless you're lucky enough to meet someone THAT fascinating and THAT endlessly gorgeous.
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 How can you maintain love for someone, in the romantic sense (so it's not confused with familial love or love of a friend), if you don't continue to respect them? People lose respect for each other when they take each other for granted. The other person is no longer considered a valuable commodity.
Nikki Sahagin Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 But I mean what defines love? A lot of aspects come into love both positive and negative, both selfish and selfless, both nourishing and destructive. Love encompasses sacrifice, respect, trust, honour, committment, dedication, deprivation, equality, obsession, addiction, lust, desire, attraction, care, want, need, dependency, dreams, fantasy, purity, innocence, manipulation, jealousy, suffocation, frustration, envy, possession, familiarity, pity, fear, dedication etc etc. Love is not completely pure and selfless - maybe for some, but we are human so we naturally complicate the notion.... It's so easy though to take a person for granted. But we do tend to take the big things for granted - just being alive we take for granted and that's pretty huge! I don't see how you can really avoid taking someone for granted, unless you've lost them and got them back or NEARLY lost them, but otherwise, again it's all quite natural really.
carhill Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Probably because yard maintenance returns,far,far,far more real value Thanks for that reality check. Sometimes a romantic needs that. Seriously. What love is the most strongest? Hopefully, love for self. IMO, in order to love another in a healthy way, one must accept and love one's self first and foremost.
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I don't see how you can really avoid taking someone for granted, unless you've lost them and got them back or NEARLY lost them, but otherwise, again it's all quite natural really. Being taken for granted is a two-way street. If one partner begins to take the other partner for granted, it's also up to the second person to make issue of it, sooner, rather than later. In doing so, it allows the first person to review their behaviour and amend as needed. As for assuming that it's the natural progression of a long-term relationship like a marriage, there will be some of this but it's reliant on the level of being taken for granted and also reliant on the selfishness level of the partner, in question. While I understand the distaste of many people over the commercialization aspect of Valentine's Day, it also has its good aspects, in that it's a reminder to people not to take their partners for granted or you're going to end up with nothing to take even a reasonable amount for granted.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Probably because yard maintenance returns,far,far,far more real value I guess it depends on what things you attach value to... Mr. Lucky
soserious1 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I guess it depends on what things you attach value to... Mr. Lucky The divorce court judge had zero difficulty in attaching a "value"" to my sexless marriage when he ordered me to write a monthly alimony check.
carhill Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Her experiences have shaped her perception. I respect that. People can be an exceedingly poor investment of one's self, for some. When one sees that investment squandered, love disappears. This I know
Author lovestory5 Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 Your discussions are very interesting. And I liked the thought that passion is till the moment the child is made. Maybe it is really true. We think that we love and have passion, because internally we need to do one thing, to have a bay. It is really an interesting thought.
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