CandyGirlXO Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I need some help here, because I am driving myself nuts. ALL of my past relationships from the moment we became official it was like we couldn't get enough of eachother. Constantly seeing eachother or on the phone. I guess the "honeymoon stage" BUT In my relationship now, we give eachother a lot of space. We could see eachother every night, but we don't. We probably spend the night with eachother 1-3 times a week depending. I just feel like he doesn't want to see me as often as I would like to see him. I also feel like compared to all of my other relationships we are not in the honeymoon stage. But shouldn't we be? Its only been 2 months, is it normal to take things so slow? This is probably my first ADULT relationship, all my other ones where in college, and it just seems different. Should I be worried, or is this normal?
Waitress Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 One to three nights a week is a lot if you're both busy or working. It's only been a couple of months. It's different than in college when everyone practically lives together anyway and there are fewer responsibilities.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 One to three nights a week is a lot if you're both busy or working. It's only been a couple of months. It's different than in college when everyone practically lives together anyway and there are fewer responsibilities. True I guess, but I have never had fewer responsibilities, I had to work full-time and go to school full-time. Thanks for the advice, I hope you are right. It just makes me feel like he doesn't enjoy our time together as much as my exes. But like I said this is probably the first "adult" relationship I have had. I know its good to have your own lives, but I guess I am pretty needy, and I am trying not to be.
Star Gazer Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Yes, at 2 months in to an official relationship, you should still be in the honeymoon stage. You should not have to wonder why he's not affectionate with you, or wonder why you feel you want to see him more than he does you. I'm afraid to say it seems apparent that you are far more into him than he is you.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Yes, at 2 months in to an official relationship, you should still be in the honeymoon stage. You should not have to wonder why he's not affectionate with you, or wonder why you feel you want to see him more than he does you. I'm afraid to say it seems apparent that you are far more into him than he is you. Yeah I agree, but I thought maybe it was just because I am just a lot more needy than he is, and I am trying not to be.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 How's the sex? Well of course GREAT, but I'm a nymph!
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 one to three times a week great? Well like I said if it were up to me I would prefer to have sex every day, but we don't see eachother every day. But when we do have sex, it is great.
Star Gazer Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Carhill - why are you asking only about sex??? Good sex does not create a relationship.
carhill Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Because he might be getting sex elsewhere. OP, how is contact in between personal interactions? How long have you been "exclusive"?
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Carhill - why are you asking only about sex??? Good sex does not create a relationship. Yeah, I know. I am just dreading this when we are together I feel like he doesn't find me interesting. I mean we have fun and he always makes me laugh, but a lot of the times it seems like there is nothing to talk about. Which is crazy because I usually can talk to anyone. For instance, we will go out to eat and it just seems like all this uncomfortable silence, and it really hurts my feelings. I don't know if he just can't open up to me, or if he is just not "used" to being in a relationship. Also, a lot of times, we will be hanging out, and he asked me what I want to do, and I usually say I don't know what do you want to do. And this goes back and forth, and I just never had that problem before. I have fun doing anything, he seems to not. I just feel like he finds me boring. I know I am going to have to talk to him about this, but thats another thing, I am not comfortable enough to really bring all of this stuff up, just because I do like him a lot. We also never talk on the phone for more than 5 minutes, he isn't a phone person so I try not to take that personal. He is more of a texter, he does text me everyday. Urrrgggg this is so frustrating, its just not what I thought it would be. I feel like I need to talk to him, we just seem to be so different. I just feel like I am too needy, and he is just not emotionally open. Just not sure if I should give it more time, see if he opens up. My mom told me to just have fun and see him as Mr. Right Now, and not automatically Mr. Right. To not expect too much, but thats hard for me to do.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Because he might be getting sex elsewhere. OP, how is contact in between personal interactions? How long have you been "exclusive"? Well not to sound naive but I really doubt that. I do trust him. Exclusive 2 months
Star Gazer Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Candy - you're completely dissatisfied in this "relationship" - with the absence of affection, not much time spent together, and now boring conversations. The reasons why he is the way he is really don't matter. All that matters is that you're not happy. I really don't see any long-term potential here. You should be on Cloud 9 at this point.
carhill Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Well not to sound naive but I really doubt that. I do trust him. Exclusive 2 months OK, turn it around.... Sex with you, intimacy with someone else. Trust me, I'd like to post positive things here but I'm just not feeling it. I felt something was up right away.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 You should be on Cloud 9 at this point. Yeah I know, considerating I have had a crush on him for years. I guess next time I see him, I should really try to talk to him. Its just so difficult.
Trialbyfire Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Candy, is it difficult to discuss things with just this man or men in general?
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 OK, turn it around.... Sex with you, intimacy with someone else. Trust me, I'd like to post positive things here but I'm just not feeling it. I felt something was up right away. Yeah I mean its a possibility. I know none of this is going to get better until I actually talk to him, but I am just so scared to say or do the wrong thing. I mean for example, the last time we hung out together my EX called me, and my BF was visibly upset. He said to me that it wasn't me, that it was his issue that he needed to deal with because of his past. He said he needed to figure it out within himself, and that he knows it shouldn't bother him because he trusts me. Then today I finally told him that I stopped all contact with my EX, because I put myself in his shoes, and he seemed happy and said he really appreciated it. If I was just sex, why would he care. I guess I want to add 2 things that might be important here. He has been single for over 4 years, and he has A LOT of friends. I guess that is why we don't see eachother more often, his time is spread out with a lot of different people, most of who I have met.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Candy, is it difficult to discuss things with just this man or men in general? Well just really this one, but I think it might be because I like him so much. Or maybe also because he doesn't really open himself up to me. He tells me he misses me, that is sweet, but thats about it. I have had a lot of BF's and I have 2 brothers who are great to me. But I don't have any relationship with my dad.
carhill Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Do you feel emotional chemistry with him? That impulsion to interact? Like you can discern each other's thoughts and moods? If you did, he'd be carving time out of his friendships and expanding that time to be with you/share with you and neither of you would note the passage of that time.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Like you say the sex is amazing :love: and hes obviously into u as much as u are into him. I think maybe u are a little more needy and u need to adjust somewhat. Its too early to give up on him yet! Once u get in sync which seems totally possible u will feel much more comfortable with the attention and affection he is giving u. But dont worry about him not being into u because he is all over your body like its an oasis in the desert. Thanks I appreciate it, I really do. I love LS and appreciate all the advice here. I like him enough to not just give up right away. You are absolutely right I am too needy and I do need to adjust. He has no idea how needy I am. Scary... I know. I mean he must like me, if not he wouldn't be with me. I thought he didn't want to be with me anymore, and then he told me he told his mother about me. That is a big step for someone who has been single for over 4 years. And if he wasn't into me, he never would have told his mother.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Do you feel emotional chemistry with him? That impulsion to interact? Like you can discern each other's thoughts and moods? If you did, he'd be carving time out of his friendships and expanding that time to be with you/share with you and neither of you would note the passage of that time. Oh I could fall head over heels for him. I for sure could. But thats the problem, he just doesn't open up to me. I mean he must just be use to taking things a lot slower than I.... unfortunately.
carhill Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Your emotional intimacy is unrequited, therefore not mutual. Hence *could*..... I didn't listen to my gut and married one of those. It didn't change....
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Your emotional intimacy is unrequited, therefore not mutual. Hence *could*..... I didn't listen to my gut and married one of those. It didn't change.... Yeah sorry to hear that. I am just waiting because its only been 2 months. If things don't change I will have a talk with him. And if nothing changes or he doesn't feel the same way I will end it. I dread being single, I really do. But I am dreading this too.
carhill Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 If you want advice from an old fart, here goes: Don't dread being single; dread having the happiness and life sucked out of you into the black hole of disinterest and disconnection. Sharing your life and happiness with someone is a true gift. Choose the recipient wisely
Recommended Posts