ate_the_paint Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I started dating this great woman a month and a half ago. I approached her, set up the first date (where we really hit it off...she asked for a second date before the first was over), drove her home, etc. We both have careers and our own apartments and we're both fit and attractive and smart, although I have a car and she doesn't drive. She set up the second date and it was even better than the first and we had a lot of chemistry oozing between us. We started emailing each other almost every day and talked on the phone once or twice a week. All her emails were flirty and full of promise. I took her on a third date and at the end of it I just kissed her. She later told me in an email that she enjoyed the kiss and not to stop. We dated like this a bit more and I kissed her at appropriate times (she never initiated but she did invite me up to see her apartment, but nothing happened). She started planning future dates and even talked about me meeting her friends. Eventually we had amazing sex and she was really affectionate after that (cuddling, running her fingers through my hair as I drove, etc.) and she even said "It's really hard to stay single when I'm around you!" I told her not to worry and to let whatever happens, happen. She told me she loves that she feels safe with me and that she loves that I make decisions and that I make her "feel like a woman, unlike most guys I date". Then she told me about a date she went on with another guy (same place I took her on our first date) but that it wasn't as much fun, but she then started to tell me about this guy! I guess I should have stopped her but I acted disinterested and changed the subject. Now I haven't been aloof all this time. I've come over to make her feel better, and we've had great conversations, and I've been returning her affection. Things changed out of the blue. Suddenly she doesn't call, and her emails are short one-liners that don't say much, and although I respond to them the same way I always have, I end up waiting days before I get another empty message. I called her last and we set up a date and I told her to call me so we can work out the details, but she hasn't. I've initiated most of this relationship and I specifically, without any doubts, left the ball in her court so I'm not going to call her again. What gives here? I'm ready to walk on this one, which is too bad because it was going well and had a lot of potential but I've been played for a sucker before and I won't do it again.
BCCA Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 What gives here? That's dating. There are no rules, and sometimes, no sense to be made of these thing. One of a million things could have happened. I'm ready to walk on this one Good call, I would. Like you said, ball is in her court, and she can chose to call you when she wants. In the meantime, you were never a couple, so go out and be single. I called her last and we set up a date and I told her to call me so we can work out the details Just constructive critcism, I dont think women like this. I think they prefer when you have a plan, or call them later to go over the details. If she liked you enough, I suppose it wouldnt matter a lot, but its been my experience that you should have a plan or work one out before you get off the phone. Telling a girl thats not your gf to call you is usually a guaranteed way to not to get a call.
D-Lish Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Well, I WOULD walk on this one, I'm sorry to have to say. I see lots of red flags in your post. Her current behaviour is a sign of lost interest. Sounds as if she's playing the field...and playing it hard. Even if she does call you back to confirm a date- I'd pass on it. Sounds like trouble to me.
boxing123 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 You dated her, started having sex with her, and she told about another guy she went on a date with during this time? Or was he in the past?
Author ate_the_paint Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 You dated her, started having sex with her, and she told about another guy she went on a date with during this time? Or was he in the past? Actually when I think about it, she went on the date before we had sex but told me about it after.
OpenBook Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Yes, we're all crazy. If you tried to weed us out, you'd have to yank the whole garden.
LovesHangover Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 You are just dating! Both of you are single, and while there is no need to extensively discuss others you are dating with another date. I think you could appreciate her honesty about dating others. If you want to go out again, you need to ask and make the plans. You can also be honest with her about the distance you feel her making and state that this is confusing because you thought you too were getting close. Ask for an honest answer. Communication, honest and authentic, is the key to a great relationship. You miss all the shots you don't take. Take a risk! If it goes your way, GREAT. If it doesn't, SO WHAT?? Be real about what you are experiencing and share who you are and what you want. Best of luck, love!
LovesHangover Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 So you don't understand what's going on, but implying that women are crazy is disrespectful. Seek clarification. Anything (or anyone) worth having is worth working for!! You choose to earn what you want or settle for what you don't. Peace!!!
Trialbyfire Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Just constructive critcism, I dont think women like this. I think they prefer when you have a plan, or call them later to go over the details. If she liked you enough, I suppose it wouldnt matter a lot, but its been my experience that you should have a plan or work one out before you get off the phone. Telling a girl thats not your gf to call you is usually a guaranteed way to not to get a call. Yes! Her current behaviour is a sign of lost interest. Sounds as if she's playing the field...and playing it hard. And Yes!
Author ate_the_paint Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Thanks guys, I guess I should clarify a point: About the date I left hanging, I actually brought up a specific plan, including where to go and on what day but she was unsure of the exact time she would be home from work so I told her to call me to let me know when I should pick her up, thus clearing up the final details for the date.
BobSacamento Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Sounds like she's having fun. Don't be a buzzkill and act like you didn't have a good time. She's not crazy she's just dating.
gopher Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I agree with the others, about her playing the field. Is she on an online dating site? Thanks guys, I guess I should clarify a point: About the date I left hanging, I actually brought up a specific plan, including where to go and on what day but she was unsure of the exact time she would be home from work so I told her to call me to let me know when I should pick her up, thus clearing up the final details for the date.
yeex Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Yeah sounds like she is dating others which is not necessarily a crime at this early stage of dating even though you did have sex. Also I would not concentrate on the things she said a few weeks ago about hard to stay single and such. Feelings can change fast in the dating world and that is just normal. If that bothers you, then yeah walk on. Another approach is to appreciate the time you had with her, but you date others as well and keep it open. If she calls again and wants to go out and you are still interested then do it. I definitely would not initiate the call since it is in her court and don't just sit by the phone hoping this one calls. Go out and have fun with others. Time will tell.
Sam Spade Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Yes, we're all crazy. If you tried to weed us out, you'd have to yank the whole garden. Yes, that's why the more sensible approach is to do zero-scaping, aka not giving a shet about how your garden looks .
Geishawhelk Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 From what I can tell, you're a FWB, or fruckbuddy, but she probably has others too... It's a thing guys have been doing for centuries. Now women doing it too, and we get called nuts and crazy?? Charming..... Many might call it 'a taste of your own medicine'... ("your" generic, not "your" specific. Just to clear that up....)
Sam Spade Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 From what I can tell, you're a FWB, or fruckbuddy, but she probably has others too... It's a thing guys have been doing for centuries. Now women doing it too, and we get called nuts and crazy?? Charming..... Many might call it 'a taste of your own medicine'... ("your" generic, not "your" specific. Just to clear that up....) This is a contrived excuse for this type of behavior. Most guys would rather be in a committed relaitonship with a single girl rather than waste energy on bland azz left and right.
yeex Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Oh yeah and that was a bad title for the thread. Guys do this kinda stuff all the time. Don't be bitter about it. This is dating man.
carhill Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 OP, have you been dating and having sex with multiple women? If yes, you and she may be compatible. If no, likely not. Is she recently divorced or out of a LTR? If yes, it's just temporary insanity; time will tell whether it's permanent or not Tell me, because I really want to know..... in the time it takes you to type an e-mail, you could call her, or she you, and have genuine interaction. Why wouldn't you do that? I'd suggest, in the future, call more and e-mail and text less. Also, wait longer for dickinsideher
Sam Spade Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Also, wait longer for dickinsideher No, the sooner the better. That way, even if she pulls something like that, at least that is taken care off.
carhill Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 No, the sooner the better. That way, even if she pulls something like that, at least that is taken care off. If wet noodle is all he wants, then yes, sure. If other, perhaps a different approach works better in this fruckbuddy environment we operate in these days. I am SO stealing this. Recognizable permutation of this: I cannot take credit
Sam Spade Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 If wet noodle is all he wants, then yes, sure. If other, perhaps a different approach works better in this fruckbuddy environment we operate in these days. Nah, you're right, of course. Just saying that even if that's not what I'm after, I'd have sex anyway, while the relationship hopefully proceeds to more. But if it doesn't, at least I'm not empty handed. (I don't believe that the timing of sex has any impact on the viability of a relationship. And specifically the OP cites a good and promising communication. So it's not having sed that screwed things up. Girl is just a ho, and that's fine. She has disqualified herself, so no reason to pine) I've been in the OPs shoes. Not pleasant, but nothing to whine about too much either. Try again with the next one etc.
carhill Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Yeah, I think the OP needs to clarify what HE wants. Then, with that in place, go weed
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