Dated for 2 months and she wants marriage?

[dreamergrl]

You know that all sounds very, very promising dreamer. Try to relax and enjoy this time, ok? He sounds like a great guy from what you posted above. I'm happy for you.

 

Thanks!

After we had that good talk yesterday, all my fears just started floating away. I feel twice as close to him. Normally I would think it's too soon, but we exchange the love yous. There's just something inside me that says it's right.

[Touche]

Thanks!

After we had that good talk yesterday, all my fears just started floating away. I feel twice as close to him. Normally I would think it's too soon, but we exchange the love yous. There's just something inside me that says it's right.

 

Well that's good. Go with your gut while keeping your eyes wide open.

[moman]

Wow, this has turned into a good discussion.

 

In 2004 I dated a girl who did almost the same thing, started talking marriage after a couple months. I told her when the time is right, and she increased the pressure. After about 1 year, she told me to get married or she would leave. So much for spending together forever.

 

In 2007 I dated a girl for about 2 months and we started the marriage discussion. I was the one to initiate it, because I had this strong feeling and she said she did too. We got engaged, I had to fly to her country and ask her dad, they had a big party for us, the whole 9 yards. Just 3 months after all this, her ex-boyfriend called and she became confused and called off the whole thing. My family was sad but I felt like I dodged a major bullet because I didn't know her, and I wasn't sad at all.

 

Thus, with the current situation I'm taking into account my last two experiences with this topic. I've learned that women can turn on a dime, even ones who promise forever.

[Sam Spade]

But it's really not. I can tell you first hand that it's not. We talked for hours and hours and hours exhaustively about such things. We didn't want to make another mistake.

 

He proposed after 4 weeks and we got married 7 months after that. Of course the months after we announced our engagement, afforded us the opportunity to get to know each other even better and it only confirmed to us that our decision was a solid one.

 

We'll be celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary this June. And 14 years later I'm happy to report that we're still compatible, still in love. Have we made mistakes along the way? Sure. I know I have. I've been stupid. But we've weathered our storms and stayed committed. We're still loving and affectionate and still have plenty to talk about and we still laugh together and dream and plan our future.

 

We must have done something right, no?

 

That's great but rare, and even you will admit it. Being giddy/lucky is pleasant, but is not sufficient justification to push the OP in a direction he might regret (good thing that he didn't.

As for extensive conversations about life priorities, kids, financial management skills, retirement plans etc. just a couple of weeks into knowing someone I personally would find distasteful and presumptious, but that's just me. I'm glad it's working for some.

 

I would advocate a no bul**** speedy engagement if i thought it was realistic. I've been in the situation where it "felt right", and the relationship felt apart anyway. So there are other factors, and I've learned to be very wary of women, because most of them have no idea what they want.

[Touche]

That's great but rare, and even you will admit it. Being giddy/lucky is pleasant, but is not sufficient justification to push the OP in a direction he might regret (good thing that he didn't.

 

I never pushed the OP in that direction at ALL. Clearly he's not marriage material now. That would just be crazy. And no, I don't think that what happened to me is so rare. Is it common place? Perhaps not. But it's not rare either. I've seen it before. And making the decision to marry entails WAY more than being "giddy." Trust me on that.

 

As for extensive conversations about life priorities, kids, financial management skills, retirement plans etc. just a couple of weeks into knowing someone I personally would find distasteful and presumptious, but that's just me. I'm glad it's working for some.

 

Well then that IS just you. In our case, it was just a natural extension of our conversations...it flowed and was just part of our discussions about where we'd been in life and what we wanted out of life. Trust me..there was nothing "distateful" or "presumptous" about it. We weren't interviewing each other...we were just talking. It was through our discussions while dating that we realized how much in common we had in so many areas including life goals, etc.

 

I would advocate a no bul**** speedy engagement if i thought it was realistic. I've been in the situation where it "felt right", and the relationship felt apart anyway. So there are other factors, and I've learned to be very wary of women, because most of them have no idea what they want.

 

You know what? I really never advocate a speedy engagement. You can look through all of my thousands and thousands of posts I've never done any such thing...in fact, I would mostly advise AGAINST it.

 

Sorry that what you thought "felt right" was really wrong. As I said, it has to do with WAY more than just a "feeling." That's speaking for myself of course. For others, maybe going on a hunch or a feeling works. I needed more than that.

 

As for being wary of women and most of them not knowing what they want...that may be true. But i can tell you that I have said the EXACT same thing about MEN...that's before I met my H of course. So yes, BE wary. You'd be a fool NOT too. Use your head as well as your heart the next time around.

 

And then post on my thread I just started and I'll tell you if it has a chance in hell!

[Trialbyfire]

1. You really have to be over 30. Very, very rarely will it work if you're under 30. Sorry, but it's the truth. Your prior dating/marriage experience counts also.

Check.

 

2. You had to have already had a few conflicts with your SO. If you haven't you have no clue how you both handle conflict resolution. And that's very, very important in helping to determine the long-term viability of the relationship/marriage. Because no matter how much you love each other, if you can't handle conflict it's going to tank sooner or later.

Check.

3. You have to be on the same page when it comes to money, children (whether to have them or not, when and how many), how you will raise them, religion, loyalty/fidelity and what you each think is considered cheating...so talk about internet flirting, real life flirting, etc. Also your views on separate vacations or not, girls/boys' nights out.

Check.

4. Where you want to live and how. Views on money. Is one a saver and one a spender? How do you each feel about investing? What about long-term financial goals? What about your stance on debt? Are they in line with each other? Make a PLAN!

Check.

If you are not on the same page in these areas, can you compromise? Are you completely opposites or are you alike?

Check.

Also, don't forget about family matters. Do you get along with them? How much time will you be spending with each others' families. Agree on holidays and such. Talk about it.

Check.

Other considerations: Is there give and take? Or is one of you always doing more than the other? Does one give in more to the other when you don't agree or is it about equal? What about your temperaments? Are you both mostly upbeat, positive people or pessimistic? Do you like each others' friends? If either of you has friends of the opposite sex is that ok? Are you happy with the amount and quality of affection/sex in the relationship? How does your SO treat his family? How does he/she speak about the ex? How does he treat those who work for him/her or those who serve him (waiters/waitresses, people who perform a service for him/her).

Check.

SPECIAL CATEGORY

 

If this is a blended family situation or a situation where one of you has kids, that's a WHOLE other ball of wax. (I have tips for those situations as well.)

Not applicable for us.

 

Haha...we pass!

 

I suspect most of the men in this thread don't have a clue about their g/fs stance on most of these, if they're even in a relationship.

 

Woggle's a special case since he hides his real self from his wife.

 

Thanks dreamergirl.

[dreamergrl]

Yeah, I'm definitely with Touche and TBF on this one. It is very possible, just not in OP's Playboy days situation.

[Touche]

Check.

 

Check.

Check.

Check.

Check.

Check.

Check.

Not applicable for us.

 

Haha...we pass!

 

I suspect most of the men in this thread don't have a clue about their g/fs stance on most of these, if they're even in a relationship.

 

Woggle's a special case since he hides his real self from his wife.

 

Thanks dreamergirl.

 

I completely agree with the above in bold.

 

Glad you passed the "test!":) It's looking good.

[dwightl]

Here's my take on this. I admire that in the back of your mind, you still have a decision not to cheat on her. If I'm you, I won't dismiss the proposal but instead, I'll talk to her seriously and explain to her that it's not the right time yet. Explain the reason to her on why you're not ready yet.

[bluehare07]

Not the right time yet? There's no standard when it comes to that. If you feel that you wanna settle down and you already can both physically and emotionally, go on otherwise, think...think...think...

[LeroyJose]

I think you're playboy comment says otherwise. You know what, I've only been with my man for 3 weeks, and when I go out, I don't have any temptation.

 

Your man must be very lucky to have you..