Trialbyfire Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Sounds like you just want some fun, does she realize you aren't looking for anything serious, or are you just keeping her around? I ask, because you obviously don't want marriage, but you're on here asking if you should keep her. You know what? I have no issues about people who want to date around but remain single, as long as they're open about it. I feel badly for moman's g/f, if she's being led to believe he's looking for something serious.
dreamergrl Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 You know what? I have no issues about people who want to date around but remain single, as long as they're open about it. I feel badly for moman's g/f, if she's being led to believe he's looking for something serious. Very much agreed. There's nothing wrong with just wanting a good time, but the person you are 'having a good time' with should be on the same level. If one wants a committed relationship, that's the wrong person to be 'having a good time' with, especially knowing that you wont give them more.
LeroyJose Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 OMG! She was struck by Cupid man! Probably she means it. There are some who believes in destiny and signs and probably she saw something in you.. Otherwise, RRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUNNNN!!! Of course away from her..
Author moman Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 Sorry my position was not clear. I do love her and we're perfect together. I am not against the idea of getting married but not this soon, especially because I am tempted every time I go out and meet a lot of pretty girls, and I meet them everywhere I go. Tempted is just part of it, I don't act on the temptations, but I want to make sure any desire to act is gone before I get married. She knows this is my weakness but I promised her I wouldn't cheat on her, and I won't.
dreamergrl Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Sorry my position was not clear. I do love her and we're perfect together. I am not against the idea of getting married but not this soon, especially because I am tempted every time I go out and meet a lot of pretty girls, and I meet them everywhere I go. Tempted is just part of it, I don't act on the temptations, but I want to make sure any desire to act is gone before I get married. She knows this is my weakness but I promised her I wouldn't cheat on her, and I won't. I think you're playboy comment says otherwise. You know what, I've only been with my man for 3 weeks, and when I go out, I don't have any temptation.
Trialbyfire Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I think you're playboy comment says otherwise. You know what, I've only been with my man for 3 weeks, and when I go out, I don't have any temptation. Yup, that comment sealed it for me too. If you're constantly fighting temptation, then you're not honestly committed.
carhill Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I think a lifetime engagement wouldn't be long enough
Mahatma Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 If my girlfriend of 8 months told me now she wanted to get married, it would scare the heck out of me. If I was older and had a steady job and was ready for marriage, I would have no doubt considered marriage. So in saying that, it is not like I do not feel really close to her, but for to assume we are both ready.. or that we know anything about marriage and a lifetime relationship... would be totally absurd and make me think she was getting way too attached. To tell someone you are ready to spend the RESSSSST of your life with them after 2 months is a little un-thought out in my opinion. I am sorry if that offends you Trial, I am sure in some people's case that they can just know. I knew after 2 weeks that me and this girl I am with now would have a long relationship. Maybe if I was older I could know how to look for characteristics in someone for a lifelong relationship like marriage. Not to mention, did you just meet this person Trial? or had you known them? How about the OP? Dating time does not mean how long you have known the person.
Trialbyfire Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Mahatma, what you've posted doesn't offend me at all. But...it appears we have some form of miscommunication. Right from the start, I mentioned that if moman wasn't 100% certain, that it felt right for him, DON'T do it. From there, moman made the meal ticket and playboy comments which lead me to believe that not only is he not ready for marriage, he's far from being ready for ANY serious relationship. If he's spending most of this time battling with temptation, he's not committed in the least. As for me, it felt right, so I went with it. I wouldn't recommend getting engaged quickly to anyone who wasn't certain that it's right for them. Regardless of short pre-engagement period or knowing each other for 40 years, there's never any guarantees that it will be forever. So...if you're certain, go for it. If you're not, for the love of all you hold dear...don't even consider it!!!!!!
amymarieca Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 To think you know that someone is "the one" after only two months is just plain naive. You need a girl with a good head on her shoulders who doesn't make irrational decisions. She clearly does not meet this standard.
Touche Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 To think you know that someone is "the one" after only two months is just plain naive. You need a girl with a good head on her shoulders who doesn't make irrational decisions. She clearly does not meet this standard. Hey, call me naive then!
Touche Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 but if your a attention-seeking egomaniac then it can be the perfect opportunity Touche from earlier posts on this thread i dont see you as the type to make such a big deal about jewelry and whatnot and you are more about being happy for other people and not showing off for example. Wow, for someone who just signed on here you sure know me very well. (Who can it be? hmmmmm) Anyway, whoever you are thanks for the compliment:).
Sam Spade Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 If you marry her in a few years she will be certain that you are not the one for her and she just doesn't feel it for you anymore. Run as fast as you can. Wiseguy Woogie tells it like it is. Woman who acts so certain about something (anything) just because it "feels right" is dangerous. This is a sloppy, but surefire way to rationalize anything, and I mean anything, if she "feels like it". I'm sure the believes she's sincere right now, but absent any evidence of rational thought and articulation and motivation of these desires, she will just as easily flip into "i need time to find myself" mode just a few years later. As somebody else said, you need a woman with a good head on her shoulders, so goo that you told her no...
colosseum Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 if ur not ready, please don't do it. u g2 feel it, u g2 know it in ur deepest hearts--and even then things don't always work out. so please, tread waters carefully.
jasminetea Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Hey, call me naive then! Can I be in your club? Wiseguy Woogie tells it like it is. Woman who acts so certain about something (anything) just because it "feels right" is dangerous. This is a sloppy, but surefire way to rationalize anything, and I mean anything, if she "feels like it". Gosh! Do you think I should tell my fiance about this? He should know I'm dangerous, right? Oh, I just thought - he feels the same way as I do, so he's dangerous too! I better call the marriage off. A misogynistic, immature, narrowminded, emotionally unintelligent guy is going to know all about what makes a relationship good after all
Sam Spade Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Can I be in your club? Gosh! Do you think I should tell my fiance about this? He should know I'm dangerous, right? Oh, I just thought - he feels the same way as I do, so he's dangerous too! I better call the marriage off. A misogynistic, immature, narrowminded, emotionally unintelligent guy is going to know all about what makes a relationship good after all One definition of emotional intelligence is being able to articulate your emotions and clearly establish their underlying sources and motivations.(That's probably one reason why arranged marriages tend to be more stable). I'm happy for everybody who got engaged fast, but as a general pattern "I'm just feeling it" is more likely a recipy for disaster than not. Or, at the very least, has almost no bearing on how the future of the relationship unfolds. Luck is distributed pretty randomly across the population.
dreamergrl Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 To think you know that someone is "the one" after only two months is just plain naive. You need a girl with a good head on her shoulders who doesn't make irrational decisions. She clearly does not meet this standard. I strongly disagree. I got engaged when I was 23, we had only known each other for 2 months. I loved this man with all my heart. He was perfect for me. It only ended because I got scared and let my insecurities get the best of me. Had I been more confident in myself and the person I am, I truly believe we'd be married. Mahatma, what you've posted doesn't offend me at all. But...it appears we have some form of miscommunication. Right from the start, I mentioned that if moman wasn't 100% certain, that it felt right for him, DON'T do it. From there, moman made the meal ticket and playboy comments which lead me to believe that not only is he not ready for marriage, he's far from being ready for ANY serious relationship. If he's spending most of this time battling with temptation, he's not committed in the least. He wants his cake and eat it too, all in one bite. He wants the best of both worlds, that cannot happen. To have to fight temptation when you supposedly love someone just isn't right. If it was real love (which I think it's just lust) it wouldn't be that way. As for me, it felt right, so I went with it. I wouldn't recommend getting engaged quickly to anyone who wasn't certain that it's right for them. Regardless of short pre-engagement period or knowing each other for 40 years, there's never any guarantees that it will be forever. So...if you're certain, go for it. If you're not, for the love of all you hold dear...don't even consider it!!!!!! Kudos to you TBF, I think it's wonderful for you. This, and Touche I think it was that also posted the same situation, actually have made me feel better about the feelings I'm experiencing with my man. We're going on 4 weeks of being together, and I couldn't ask for a better man. Can I be in your club? Gosh! Do you think I should tell my fiance about this? He should know I'm dangerous, right? Oh, I just thought - he feels the same way as I do, so he's dangerous too! I better call the marriage off. A misogynistic, immature, narrowminded, emotionally unintelligent guy is going to know all about what makes a relationship good after all I wanna join too, can I?!?! Please please please!
Woggle Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Right now she is basing her decision on emotion and a chemical high. Never ever commit to a woman while she is in this state because once it wears off she will turn on you very quickly and you will be wondering what the hell happened. If you do agree to it at least have a long engagement so she has time to really think it and sort her emotions out.
Touche Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 One definition of emotional intelligence is being able to articulate your emotions and clearly establish their underlying sources and motivations.(That's probably one reason why arranged marriages tend to be more stable). I'm happy for everybody who got engaged fast, but as a general pattern "I'm just feeling it" is more likely a recipy for disaster than not. Or, at the very least, has almost no bearing on how the future of the relationship unfolds. Luck is distributed pretty randomly across the population. I actually agree with this. But I think you're mis-representing "feeling it." At least in my case. It was WAYYYYY more than just a feeling. We were compatible on just about every level you can imagine. It was a fluke. Total luck to have that PLUS being in the exact same stage in life. I consider it as having won the lottery in love. It's true. It doesn't happen very often but I was lucky enough that it happened to me. Not sure what I did to deserve it but there you go. As for joining the club, Jasmine and dreamer...don't get mad at me but here are the requirements: 1. You really have to be over 30. Very, very rarely will it work if you're under 30. Sorry, but it's the truth. Your prior dating/marriage experience counts also. 2. You had to have already had a few conflicts with your SO. If you haven't you have no clue how you both handle conflict resolution. And that's very, very important in helping to determine the long-term viability of the relationship/marriage. Because no matter how much you love each other, if you can't handle conflict it's going to tank sooner or later. 3. You have to be on the same page when it comes to money, children (whether to have them or not, when and how many), how you will raise them, religion, loyalty/fidelity and what you each think is considered cheating...so talk about internet flirting, real life flirting, etc. Also your views on separate vacations or not, girls/boys' nights out. 4. Where you want to live and how. Views on money. Is one a saver and one a spender? How do you each feel about investing? What about long-term financial goals? What about your stance on debt? Are they in line with each other? Make a PLAN! If you are not on the same page in these areas, can you compromise? Are you completely opposites or are you alike? Also, don't forget about family matters. Do you get along with them? How much time will you be spending with each others' families. Agree on holidays and such. Talk about it. Other considerations: Is there give and take? Or is one of you always doing more than the other? Does one give in more to the other when you don't agree or is it about equal? What about your temperaments? Are you both mostly upbeat, positive people or pessimistic? Do you like each others' friends? If either of you has friends of the opposite sex is that ok? Are you happy with the amount and quality of affection/sex in the relationship? How does your SO treat his family? How does he/she speak about the ex? How does he treat those who work for him/her or those who serve him (waiters/waitresses, people who perform a service for him/her). SPECIAL CATEGORY If this is a blended family situation or a situation where one of you has kids, that's a WHOLE other ball of wax. (I have tips for those situations as well.) So depending on all of that and what the answers to those questions are..then you can join the club. Maybe I should start a thread. I can pretty much determine (if I do say so myself) the long-term viability of any relationship with surprising accuracy based on just a few questions having to do with what I've brought up above.
Sam Spade Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I actually agree with this. But I think you're mis-representing "feeling it." At least in my case. It was WAYYYYY more than just a feeling. We were compatible on just about every level you can imagine. It was a fluke. Total luck to have that PLUS being in the exact same stage in life. I consider it as having won the lottery in love. It's true. It doesn't happen very often but I was lucky enough that it happened to me. Not sure what I did to deserve it but there you go. As for joining the club, Jasmine and dreamer...don't get mad at me but here are the requirements: 1. You really have to be over 30. Very, very rarely will it work if you're under 30. Sorry, but it's the truth. Your prior dating/marriage experience counts also. 2. You had to have already had a few conflicts with your SO. If you haven't you have no clue how you both handle conflict resolution. And that's very, very important in helping to determine the long-term viability of the relationship/marriage. Because no matter how much you love each other, if you can't handle conflict it's going to tank sooner or later. 3. You have to be on the same page when it comes to money, children (whether to have them or not, when and how many), how you will raise them, religion, loyalty/fidelity and what you each think is considered cheating...so talk about internet flirting, real life flirting, etc. Also your views on separate vacations or not, girls/boys' nights out. 4. Where you want to live and how. Views on money. Is one a saver and one a spender? How do you each feel about investing? What about long-term financial goals? What about your stance on debt? Are they in line with each other? Make a PLAN! If you are not on the same page in these areas, can you compromise? Are you completely opposites or are you alike? Also, don't forget about family matters. Do you get along with them? How much time will you be spending with each others' families. Agree on holidays and such. Talk about it. Other considerations: Is there give and take? Or is one of you always doing more than the other? Does one give in more to the other when you don't agree or is it about equal? What about your temperaments? Are you both mostly upbeat, positive people or pessimistic? Do you like each others' friends? If either of you has friends of the opposite sex is that ok? Are you happy with the amount and quality of affection/sex in the relationship? How does your SO treat his family? How does he/she speak about the ex? How does he treat those who work for him/her or those who serve him (waiters/waitresses, people who perform a service for him/her). SPECIAL CATEGORY If this is a blended family situation or a situation where one of you has kids, that's a WHOLE other ball of wax. (I have tips for those situations as well.) So depending on all of that and what the others are..then you can join the club. Maybe I should start a thread. I can pretty much determine (if I do say so myself) the long-term viability of any relationship with surprising accuracy based on just a few questions having to do with what I've brought up above. I have no problem with anything of the above. In fact, I'm only sayin that it is pretty much impossible to (believably) resolve within a couple of weeks.
Touche Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I have no problem with anything of the above. In fact, I'm only sayin that it is pretty much impossible to (believably) resolve within a couple of weeks. But it's really not. I can tell you first hand that it's not. We talked for hours and hours and hours exhaustively about such things. We didn't want to make another mistake. He proposed after 4 weeks and we got married 7 months after that. Of course the months after we announced our engagement, afforded us the opportunity to get to know each other even better and it only confirmed to us that our decision was a solid one. We'll be celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary this June. And 14 years later I'm happy to report that we're still compatible, still in love. Have we made mistakes along the way? Sure. I know I have. I've been stupid. But we've weathered our storms and stayed committed. We're still loving and affectionate and still have plenty to talk about and we still laugh together and dream and plan our future. We must have done something right, no?
dreamergrl Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 But it's really not. I can tell you first hand that it's not. We talked for hours and hours and hours exhaustively about such things. We didn't want to make another mistake. He proposed after 4 weeks and we got married 7 months after that. Of course the months after we announced our engagement, afforded us the opportunity to get to know each other even better and it only confirmed to us that our decision was a solid one. We'll be celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary this June. And 14 years later I'm happy to report that we're still compatible, still in love. Have we made mistakes along the way? Sure. I know I have. I've been stupid. But we've weathered our storms and stayed committed. We're still loving and affectionate and still have plenty to talk about and we still laugh together and dream and plan our future. We must have done something right, no? I think this is so great! :):)
Touche Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I think this is so great! :):) Thanks, dreamer! So what's your deal? Are you in? Or did all that scare you off?
dreamergrl Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Thanks, dreamer! So what's your deal? Are you in? Or did all that scare you off? Ya know, I've been freaking out at the intense feelings I have for my man, and he tells me he feels all these same WONDERFUL feelings. When I get attached, I get scared, and my insecurites start showing. He noticed, sat me down, and told me I have nothing to worry about because I'm who he wants. His words always are backed by his actions. It's only been 4 weeks, but we talk so much, and we see each other a lot. Everything just feels right, and while there's no proposal and wont be for a while (because we both have things we want to better about ourselves and stuff before that happens) I know I want to be with him in the long run. I can see a future with him, and him I.
Touche Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Ya know, I've been freaking out at the intense feelings I have for my man, and he tells me he feels all these same WONDERFUL feelings. When I get attached, I get scared, and my insecurites start showing. He noticed, sat me down, and told me I have nothing to worry about because I'm who he wants. His words always are backed by his actions. It's only been 4 weeks, but we talk so much, and we see each other a lot. Everything just feels right, and while there's no proposal and wont be for a while (because we both have things we want to better about ourselves and stuff before that happens) I know I want to be with him in the long run. I can see a future with him, and him I. You know that all sounds very, very promising dreamer. Try to relax and enjoy this time, ok? He sounds like a great guy from what you posted above. I'm happy for you.
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