lookingforhelyp Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Hey guys, I have this guy friend who I love to hang out with, we go to silly movies, hang out at each other's homes, grab coffee and talk. (I'm 28 btw). But it seems like our friendship brings more trouble than it's worth? My best girlfriend/roommate suddenly moved out on me due to him "hanging around too much and leaving her out", some people feel left out of our friendship and friends won't stop talking about when we're EVER going to get together?! even though we're just buddies I like him a lot and miss him, but it's strictly platonic, both ways, I am sure. I have been avoiding him for a few weeks now and I know that he feels that something's up? I also feel that I've been a single 20 something year old for far too long and want to regenerate my dating life without having him around as a good guy buddy/sort of a crutch.... hmmm... anyways I miss him and I want to know if I should continue our relationship as is or forget about it.
flash582 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 OK ... he's in the friend category but you love him and miss him. Girl ... go rock his world and make an honest man out of him .... you'll soon find out that he's one of two things ... either gay, or madly in love with you. Yep .... you got it ..... it will be one or the other. News flash ... Men don't put women in the "friend" category the same way that women do.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 OK ... he's in the friend category but you love him and miss him. Girl ... go rock his world and make an honest man out of him .... you'll soon find out that he's one of two things ... either gay, or madly in love with you. Yep .... you got it ..... it will be one or the other. News flash ... Men don't put women in the "friend" category the same way that women do. I dunno I almost always gravitate toward guy friends I'm a female by the way. There just more fun to me and less crap involved there is some truth I think to this tho. Girls can have guy friends but I think as the friendship goes on longer the guys more times then not develop "feelings" more so then we do. Do you love him? could you see yourself dating him? Do you just want him as your best friend? If so call him don't let others tear you guys apart better 1 true best friend then 20 carbon copy ones. Thats just me I tend to go for quality vs quantity when it comes to friends ...
flash582 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I might be wrong ... but for some reason, I can just picture his post on this forum ... "I've been hanging out with this girl for years now but she sees me as just a friend ... how can I tell her how I really feel without losing the friendship that I value so much". I was in my 40's before I finally figured out how NOT to get into the "friend" category with women I was attracted to. This was a revelation to me because once your a "friend", it's like the kiss of death. Let me change the discussion just a bit .... picture yourself 30 years from now. Your 58 years old and you've been married and raised a family. You want someone that you can love to hang out with, go to silly movies, hang out with at home, grab coffee and talk, etc? Or do you want someone that you you've never been friends with. Would it change the way you feel if you knew that he loved you so much that he would walk through fire for you, take a bullet, swim the deepest ocean, blah, blah, blah? I know ... I'm preaching here, and the likelihood that this guy will ever change out of the friend category for you is about as likely as everyone in the middle east putting down their guns at the same time and saying ... "wait, you have a point, let's all just get along". But I can't tell you how many women I've heard say that they wish their husband could be their best friend, instead of someone they were attracted too but have fought with daily for 30 years. And now being on my second marriage I can tell you that I wish, with all my heart, that I had chosen someone that could be my best friend for my first wife, like I did with my second, instead of someone that was the most exciting/beautiful person I had ever met but fought with daily and was miserable with? That being best friends with your wife/husband, lover, and life partner is the real secret to relationship bliss and lasting happiness? That being in love with someone is a choice you make, not just a set of emotions and hormones running through your brain? And that you have the power to choose to be happy for the rest of your life or not but you don't have the information on what real happiness is? Perhaps you should send me his e-mail address. That way I can tell him to start treating you like crap and ignore you whenever possible. Perhaps then his chances at romance would improve? (sorry ... the sarcasm just slipped out, I really didn't want to be mean) BTW Spanks ... I LOVE the handle. Now That is what I call original and creative.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 BTW Spanks ... I LOVE the handle. Now That is what I call original and creative. Thanks ...
Author lookingforhelyp Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 Thanks so much guys. Yeah of course I had wondered if we would be friends or more than friends. He's much more immature than I am it seems, (meant in the nicest way possible) but I had heard that happens with guys in their 20's. I have my own place, a degree, job, he has none of these yet and seems clueless about what he wants to do with his life, so I've been sort of encouraging him with it all. We also talk about other people we are interested in or dated in the past, so perhaps we really are just buds. Yep def miss him though.
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