Nagini Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 hahha MOST people are NOT attractive seriously the biological urge is overpowering if people couldnt get dates because theyre homely the human race wouldve died out long ago.
jadelil25 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 You need to stop putting your self down and be more confident. This will help and guys will pick up on this. You obviously have not met the right person yet or you have been looking in the wrong place. Remember no one is perfect and everyone has their flwas. You will meet some one when the time is right and everyone is attractive in their own way. You could maybe make your self look more femanine by changing the clothes which you wear. I.e wear more dresses and skirts, where prettier tops and maybe lower cut tops, I dont mean tarty ones but ones that show a bit of cleavage. Maybe invest in a push up bra. Wear heels that make your legs look longer and more femainine and wear clothes which show off your best assetts Also maybe join a club or getting a hobby may help, you can meet people who share inteests and you could also try interent dating which is quite in these days and gives you lots of opportunities.
PrincessPeach Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Try being a little more forward or flirty with the men you do like maybe? Some guys will go after anything that moves, you just need to be the one to actively move them.
Trialbyfire Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Some of the encouragement given on this thread seems like sugarcoating. It would be great if we lived in a world where confidence was enough to overcome a woman's unattractive physical appearance. But do we really? Confidence may add a few bonus points to attractiveness, but considering how hung up on the visual most men are I don't see how it could overcome true unattractiveness. I suspect there's a threshold of attractiveness that each man finds "acceptable" and nothing else matters about the woman if she falls below it. Of course the threshold varies from man to man, but my point is that attractiveness may be one of those necessary but not sufficient traits to most men. I've seen unattractive women complain that they can't get dates only to have people tell them they just need to be more comfortable in their own skin. I wonder if these women try following that advice only to deal with the same frustrations over and over. Most people don't have amazing, charismatic personalities that could work as virtual beer goggles.Unattractive, like attractive, is HIGHLY subjective. This is my complaint about people who want to be universally attractive. It ain't gonna' happen. Good luck to anyone who believes they are or should be. You have to wonder if many of the same male posters who give encouraging advice would reject the OP even if she followed it. Maybe, maybe not. Once again, attractiveness is subjective. The irony is that unattractive people are attracted to the same traits as everyone else. This means that they usually end up settling. An unattractive woman may have to settle for an obese man that she doesn't find physically appealing but convinces herself that she does. You see a lot of couples where you suspect neither half would be with the other if they had more options. Beggars can't be choosers as they say. If you can't bring to the table, the things you're asking for, once again, good luck with that. There's this contradiction where people will insist that you should never settle, yet some people don't have any choice but to settle. I truly want to believe what people write here, but the words don't line up with what I observe in the world around me. Well, there's my cynical take. Somebody tell me I'm wrong.People should never settle. Where you err is that your assumption is it's all about the physical. You're wrong. If it were, models and actresses wouldn't get cheated on or rejected. As it stands, it happens. Look at Jennifer Aniston. While personally, I find her insipid-looking with a personality to match, there are A LOT of people who find her gorgeous. It appears that her looks didn't keep her from getting cheated on by Brad Pitt. THEN, worse yet, she dates Vince Vaughn and John Mayer, two "UGHs" in my books for personality, hence level of attractiveness.
clv0116 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Unattractive, like attractive, is HIGHLY subjective. This is my complaint about people who want to be universally attractive. There are traits that tend to be Universally attractive, however, and others that tend to be Universally unattractive. To say it's not an issue is to minimize the reality of the situation. Being ugly can be overcome, sure, but ugly exists.
Trialbyfire Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 There are traits that tend to be Universally attractive, however, and others that tend to be Universally unattractive. To say it's not an issue is to minimize the reality of the situation. Being ugly can be overcome, sure, but ugly exists. Yes and no. The women you prefer would be called scrawny by a lot of people. The men I prefer would be considered too "old" looking for many people. When it comes to the physical, if you're looking for a meaningful, long-term viable relationship, it will factor less than the balance of traits. If you're looking for a hit and run, it will be solely a superficial choice. If you're looking for a meaningful, long-term viable relationship and have based it solely on the superficial, you'll get what you pay for.
clv0116 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Yes and no. The women you prefer would be called scrawny by a lot of people. The men I prefer would be considered too "old" looking for many people. When it comes to the physical, if you're looking for a meaningful, long-term viable relationship, it will factor less than the balance of traits. Well the women I date tend to be athletic, in point of fact, not scrawny by any reasonable measure, but that's a personal preference. Things like symmetry and correct proportioning, signs of good health, etc are generally universally attractive for very practical biological reasons.
Trialbyfire Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Well the women I date tend to be athletic, in point of fact, not scrawny by any reasonable measure, but that's a personal preference. Things like symmetry and correct proportioning, signs of good health, etc are generally universally attractive for very practical biological reasons. Why do you feel the need to defend what's attractive to you? It only matters if your choice of woman is solely as a superficial addendum to you. If that's the case, you get what you pay for.
Sam Spade Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 There are traits that tend to be Universally attractive, however, and others that tend to be Universally unattractive. To say it's not an issue is to minimize the reality of the situation. Being ugly can be overcome, sure, but ugly exists. That is true. Don't tell me that a beer belly on a man can be subjectively attractive to "some woman". Sure, she might not mind it because the guy otherwise is super awesome, but all else equal, no woman will put a hand to her heart and honeslty say "beer bellies are attractive". Same goes for men's perception of women. Of course, the templates of attractiveness are not rigid, but healthy, not overweight body is one of them...
Nicodaemos Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Why dont you try postinf a couple pictures of yourself on Photobucket or someplace, and linking it here and see what the reactions are of people. Yea, it takes a little courage because people may be mean, but if someone is shallow enough to automatically go after only those that fit a certain list of traits, then they gonna be looking for a long time, prolly gonna get dumped, or be the one ending it, alot. They aint worth it if they cant even look at people in the eyes rather then the chest. Most of the women that have been in my life, even though it was for a short time(I usually heard they didnt want a long distance relationship from them) werent what most would call even decent. Most were beyond fat into obese, had, or still had skin problems, one was mentally handicapped. I dont place any stock in physical part of a person, other than an indicator of how they may treat themselves, but its not something that deters me. It might be gland problems, might have been some bad times in the past, and they havent done anything about the result. Nobody can help the way they look, so I dont hold it against them. Please do with the pic though, I am curious, and am sure many others here are as well, of what you look like.
Isolde Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Yes and no. The women you prefer would be called scrawny by a lot of people. The men I prefer would be considered too "old" looking for many people. When it comes to the physical, if you're looking for a meaningful, long-term viable relationship, it will factor less than the balance of traits. If you're looking for a hit and run, it will be solely a superficial choice. If you're looking for a meaningful, long-term viable relationship and have based it solely on the superficial, you'll get what you pay for. Exactly. The guys I like tend to be boyish looking, and though it seems to me like everyone must want them, a lot of people aren't turned on by that trait. And, the world was built mainly by average looking people... why on earth would it seem to you like that precludes you from finding someone you're compatible with?? Makes no sense unless you were just having a bad day. You probably look good to at least a third of women anyway
clv0116 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Why do you feel the need to defend what's attractive to you? Why do you need to talk down about what's attractive to me? Scrawny indeed. The women I date are extremely healthy and physically fit among other attractive traits. Being fit is almost universally attractive, on topic.
Trialbyfire Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Why do you need to talk down about what's attractive to me? Scrawny indeed. The women I date are extremely healthy and physically fit among other attractive traits. Being fit is almost universally attractive, on topic. I described the men I'm attracted to, as potentially "old" looking for some, as well. Isolde prefers the boyish look and guaranteed, Isolde and I have completely different tastes in men. Why is it so important that people believe the women you date are so wonderful? What's wonderful for you, could easily be ugly to someone else. Same thing applies to the men I'm attracted to. They're not every woman's dream. Big deal.
I'm Joe Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 To the original poster. If it makes your feel better, I fancy myself to be some what handsome and I still cant find anyone. I am not most guys but for me personality goes a long way. that is not to say I don't notice very attractive ladies, but I have found myself attracted to people who at first glance i found out right repulsive. If your ugly, your ugly, not a whole lot you can do about it. but stay around people long enough so they get to know you and it wont matter anymore.
clv0116 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Why is it so important that people believe the women you date are so wonderful? What's wonderful for you, could easily be ugly to someone else. It's likely there are cases where you would be right, but in general some things are amazingly common. For many men there is a strong preference for slim, young pretty women with regular features. Those physical traits are also physical traits *I* find attractive. While it's nice of you to point out that not everyone finds those things attractive, I feel compelled in the interests of truth to point out that for most men, slim young women are physically attractive. I'll believe it's no longer hugely common when Revlon sells aging creams to make women look more wrinkled and Jenny Craig markets a system to help women pack on some additional lard.
shadowplay Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Exactly. The guys I like tend to be boyish looking, and though it seems to me like everyone must want them, a lot of people aren't turned on by that trait. And, the world was built mainly by average looking people... why on earth would it seem to you like that precludes you from finding someone you're compatible with?? Makes no sense unless you were just having a bad day. You probably look good to at least a third of women anyway Everyone has different ideals, sure, but there's a lot of overlap between what people find attractive. While not every woman out there may like your boyish guys, if you find them attractive the chances are a number of others do. At least enough for them to find dates. I know a lot of women would find the guys I like to be too offbeat, effeminate looking, whatever. But to the best of my knowledge, I have never been attracted to a guy who wasn't popular with women. It's not that I consciously go for men that other women like. In fact, I usually start out thinking the guy is too offbeat for other women only to find out they have a cluster of admirers. Then there are people who almost nobody finds attractive because of weight, facial features, whatever. Attractiveness is subjective to a degree, but it becomes more cut and dry closer to the extremes. Especially for men it is; women have a broader or narrower range of preferences. While not every man alive may find Jessica Alba hot, very few would throw her out of bed. My point is that while not every guy will find her gorgeous, 99% will find her attractive enough to date (given a matching personality). It's the in-between range where big disagreements occur. A girl who is closer to average, whatever that is, will garner a broader range of responses. But she won't have a problem because at least some people will find her attractive. But a girl who is overweight with a huge nose and pimples will be attractive to very few men.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Yes its def possible takes longer and you don't have the amount of choice like the "beautiful people" lol.. But yes it can be done I like to think personality makes up for it a bit...
shadowplay Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Yes its def possible takes longer and you don't have the amount of choice like the "beautiful people" lol.. But yes it can be done I like to think personality makes up for it a bit... That's the truth there.
Trialbyfire Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Yes its def possible takes longer and you don't have the amount of choice like the "beautiful people" lol.. But yes it can be done I like to think personality makes up for it a bit...Choice is over-rated. 100 retards and one perfect mate is equivalent to one perfect mate. In the interim, dating 100 retards can be a big waste of time and emotion.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Choice is over-rated. 100 retards and one perfect mate is equivalent to one perfect mate. In the interim, dating 100 retards can be a big waste of time and emotion. Yes but it can be fun no? Ive never had 100 retards so I wouldn't know lol..
shadowplay Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Choice is over-rated. 100 retards and one perfect mate is equivalent to one perfect mate. In the interim, dating 100 retards can be a big waste of time and emotion. That's true, but with fewer options you may not have the choice of one perfect mate.
Trialbyfire Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Yes but it can be fun no? Ive never had 100 retards so I wouldn't know lol.. Yes and no. It doesn't help your cynicism. Btw, I was being facetious about 100 retards. I rarely get involved with retards.
Isolde Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Everyone has different ideals, sure, but there's a lot of overlap between what people find attractive. Yes, the guys I find attractive ARE generally found attractive by plenty of other girls, even the ones that aren't perfect looking but rather "interestingly attractive." The point I was making was that even if you just look at all the attractive people on earth, not everyone is going to want to date them, and "type" (which is often connected somewhat to personality) is the reason for that, not looks per se.
Trialbyfire Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 That's true, but with fewer options you may not have the choice of one perfect mate. It depends on how picky you are and whether or not you're bringing to the table what you want from the perfect mate. Stir this in with 99% luck and you might find the right person. While I've said it's a numbers game in the past, if you're unlucky, it doesn't matter how many people you date or how attractive you are. Finding the right person can be hard work or...can land in your lap.
shadowplay Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Yes, the guys I find attractive ARE generally found attractive by plenty of other girls, even the ones that aren't perfect looking but rather "interestingly attractive." The point I was making was that even if you just look at all the attractive people on earth, not everyone is going to want to date them, and "type" (which is often connected somewhat to personality) is the reason for that, not looks per se. I agree with that, but the point isn't that one needs to be universally attractive but attractive enough so that they can have some options. I think we can agree that an obese woman (for example) has very, very limited options.
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