taintedlove Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Hi all, I'm in my early 20's and I haven't really had anyone interested in me romantically. To be honest, I don't have a pretty face and my body is not very feminine. I do try to have a warm, friendly personality and I have lots of female friends because of this. I just don't have any men that want to date me! They rather go for my typically attractive, quiet friends. Please do not suggest plastic surgery because I don't believe in it. Is there anything I can improve on that is possible to do? Thanks so much for your help!
Enema Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 No, not possible. Look out in the street. There are no unattractive people with partners. None. /sarcasm
yeex Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I think there is somebody for everybody. It may take longer for some people to find it, but it will happen if you have the right attitude. I definitely have some unattractive friends that have a significant other. I also have some attractive friends that just can't seem to make any relationship work.
socialight Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 >> my body is not very feminine Please elaborate.
clv0116 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Hi all, I'm in my early 20's and I haven't really had anyone interested in me romantically. To be honest, I don't have a pretty face and my body is not very feminine. I do try to have a warm, friendly personality and I have lots of female friends because of this. I just don't have any men that want to date me! They rather go for my typically attractive, quiet friends. Please do not suggest plastic surgery because I don't believe in it. Is there anything I can improve on that is possible to do? Thanks so much for your help! Talk to member 39388, he's looking for a date and he's not picky about looks as long as you're sweet and smart.
39388 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Somebody needs to quit making things up about me if you want me to even bother reading any of your posts. I simply stated that women of many sizes and shapes can be attractive, including some that are overweight and or very thin. I'm sure I am picky in some areas. I do want someone that looks like a woman. taintedlove, first of all are you sure some or all of these feelings are not in your head? Some people look great, but feel they are ugly. Also, you could play up your feminine feautures if you feel your body is not feminine enough. You female friends might have good suggestions. You can dress in feminine way, wear your hair in a feminine way, etc. Be open to trying new things! Also, you are very young so you have a lot of time. I'm a male in my mid 30s and I'm working on inproving my appearance. I'm starting to work out and will be buying some new clothes in the near future. I feel I'm not attractive, but I don't know how much is real and how much is imagined.
chrislovestosurf Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 my old roomate wasnt an attractive guy and his girlfriend definately was not attractive. They are really good for each other and seem to really be in love. Put yourself out there, youre bound to find someone great. Try some online dating too. Join a few clubs. Take risks, life is too short. Keep your head high im sure youre a great person! I cant tell you how many times I see normally less attractive girls go up twenty notches in attractiveness to me because they are super cool people. :rolleyes:
Nicodaemos Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 My answer to you. You are beautiful. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise.
Trialbyfire Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I feel I'm not attractive, but I don't know how much is real and how much is imagined. I think a lot of people confuse this aspect. Different traits will be attractive to different people. As long as you're comfortable in your own skin, you'll find someone.
39388 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Keep your head high im sure youre a great person! I cant tell you how many times I see normally less attractive girls go up twenty notches in attractiveness to me because they are super cool people. :rolleyes: I agree! Also, I also love it when a woman smiles a lot and is an upbeat person. That alone makes a huge difference.
confused_2008 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Somebody needs to quit making things up about me if you want me to even bother reading any of your posts. My impression is clv is making a genuine effort to help you. While hooking up through LS probably isn't possible, don't get offended by this.
39388 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 My impression is clv is making a genuine effort to help you. While hooking up through LS probably isn't possible, don't get offended by this. If he is, he will not make untrue posts about me and not talk down to me. He can stop at any time he chooses. I've been walked all over by this type of behavior for years and I've had enough. This is off topic anyway. The topic is helping out taintedlove. She has lots of time to find a man.
Waitress Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Whomever has been telling you you're not attractive, stop listening to them! If YOU believe you're beautiful, other people will, too.
39388 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I think a lot of people confuse this aspect. Different traits will be attractive to different people. As long as you're comfortable in your own skin, you'll find someone. I completely agree that different traits are attractive to different people. Being comfortable in your own skin is a big positive, but I don't know if that is always enough to find someone. Some people naturally attract others with little effort, while others have to work very very hard at it.
Citizen Erased Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Whomever has been telling you you're not attractive, stop listening to them! If YOU believe you're beautiful, other people will, too. Yeah, I'm not so sure. If I weighed 160 pounds, had bad skin and didn't wear makeup or dress well... I am certain no-one would find me attractive, no matter how beautiful I thought I looked.
burning 4 revenge Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 >> my body is not very feminine Please elaborate. shes saying she has a penis
Citizen Erased Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 shes saying she has a penis So you would find her attractive then?
burning 4 revenge Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 So you would find her attractive then? oh so cold
Trialbyfire Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I completely agree that different traits are attractive to different people. Being comfortable in your own skin is a big positive, but I don't know if that is always enough to find someone. Some people naturally attract others with little effort, while others have to work very very hard at it. You're a smart guy. You'll find someone. Regardless of how much other men will tell you that physical characteristics are everything, that isn't always true when it comes to attracting women. You come as a package. If you're living a healthy lifestyle, which you're working towards, are smart, have a sense of humour and are comfortable in your own skin, you'll find someone. Just relax and show your sense of humour.
Nicodaemos Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Yeah, I'm not so sure. If I weighed 160 pounds, had bad skin and didn't wear makeup or dress well... I am certain no-one would find me attractive, no matter how beautiful I thought I looked. Disagree entirely. I myself and only 24, but have only had one woman with an interest in me, yet i get told all the time im cute. My opinion, looks arent as important as most people may believe. Think you are beautiful lass. If you believe it, then you are, and the men will notice.
39388 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 You're a smart guy. You'll find someone. Regardless of how much other men will tell you that physical characteristics are everything, that isn't always true when it comes to attracting women. You come as a package. If you're living a healthy lifestyle, which you're working towards, are smart, have a sense of humour and are comfortable in your own skin, you'll find someone. Just relax and show your sense of humour. I hope you're right It will be hard work because it does not yet come naturally to me. Ironically, some of the hard work will be relaxing!
shadowplay Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Some of the encouragement given on this thread seems like sugarcoating. It would be great if we lived in a world where confidence was enough to overcome a woman's unattractive physical appearance. But do we really? Confidence may add a few bonus points to attractiveness, but considering how hung up on the visual most men are I don't see how it could overcome true unattractiveness. I suspect there's a threshold of attractiveness that each man finds "acceptable" and nothing else matters about the woman if she falls below it. Of course the threshold varies from man to man, but my point is that attractiveness may be one of those necessary but not sufficient traits to most men. I've seen unattractive women complain that they can't get dates only to have people tell them they just need to be more comfortable in their own skin. I wonder if these women try following that advice only to deal with the same frustrations over and over. Most people don't have amazing, charismatic personalities that could work as virtual beer goggles. You have to wonder if many of the same male posters who give encouraging advice would reject the OP even if she followed it. The irony is that unattractive people are attracted to the same traits as everyone else. This means that they usually end up settling. An unattractive woman may have to settle for an obese man that she doesn't find physically appealing but convinces herself that she does. You see a lot of couples where you suspect neither half would be with the other if they had more options. Beggars can't be choosers as they say. There's this contradiction where people will insist that you should never settle, yet some people don't have any choice but to settle. I truly want to believe what people write here, but the words don't line up with what I observe in the world around me. Well, there's my cynical take. Somebody tell me I'm wrong.
Sam Spade Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Well, that's clearly a disadvantage, especially in your early 20s. But your other qualities can rectify at least some of your perceived unattractiveness. This is not a myth - it is much more fun to make out on the couch with a dorky sweet girl with some baby fat/whatever, than with a stereotypical model. Everybody would eff the model, sure, but what to you do with her after that? She'd probably whine that the walk to the DVD rental is too long. Just don't fall in the trap of looking like you're trying to "overcompensate".
Sam Spade Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Some of the encouragement given on this thread seems like sugarcoating. It would be great if we lived in a world where confidence was enough to overcome a woman's unattractive physical appearance. But do we really? Confidence may add a few bonus points to attractiveness, but considering how hung up on the visual most men are I don't see how it could overcome true unattractiveness. I suspect there's a threshold of attractiveness that each man finds "acceptable" and nothing else matters about the woman if she falls below it. Of course the threshold varies from man to man, but my point is that attractiveness may be one of those necessary but not sufficient traits to most men. I've seen unattractive women complain that they can't get dates only to have people tell them they just need to be more comfortable in their own skin. I wonder if these women try following that advice only to deal with the same frustrations over and over. Most people don't have amazing, charismatic personalities that could work as virtual beer goggles. You have to wonder if many of the same male posters who give encouraging advice would reject the OP even if she followed it. The irony is that unattractive people are attracted to the same traits as everyone else. This means that they usually end up settling. An unattractive woman may have to settle for an obese man that she doesn't find physically appealing but convinces herself that she does. You see a lot of couples where you suspect neither half would be with the other if they had more options. Beggars can't be choosers as they say. There's this contradiction where people will insist that you should never settle, yet some people don't have any choice but to settle. I truly want to believe what people write here, but the words don't line up with what I observe in the world around me. Well, there's my cynical take. Somebody tell me I'm wrong. This is true, but no need to rub it in. More importantly, there are wide margins of error, and different combinations of traits, within each person's 'league'. For example, I am sure I could get a better looking girl than the one I'm currently with, but I would not bother, just because I think I have agood relationship with her, which makes her cuter in my eyes - probably more so than she really is.
Recommended Posts