stimpy47 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Here goes my story, I met a separted man, who says he was getting a divorce but has not filed after 10 years, he said at the beginning he wanted a relationship and when I started wanting more time all of a suden he now wanted a casual relationship, there were red flags everywhere but I didn't pay attention (big mistake) I never had his phone number at home only work, and could only talk about less than 5 minutes, and I never got a word in, when I would ask questions about his marriage he would hedge the questions and say I was asking too many questions, the more I asked the angrier he got, so he says I am being to demanding and ends it, but the way he did it was so nasty,left it on my machine at home knowing I was not home, saying don't call me again ever. I am feeling like a complete idiot, he obviously was never going to leave his wife and was using me, I was the first one he said that he got involved in since his separtion ( who knows) he probably lied about that also,I just needed to vent seeing as this just happened today, and we were going out for 5 monhts. Any thoughs would be appreciated. I only went out to begin with because he told me he was getting the divorce, he wanted it she doesnt; that was probably a lie, I don't get why if you were so unhappy why don't you file? It has been 3 years and there are no children and he is under 40 and this is his 2nd marriage. Thoughts?
alphamale Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 , I don't get why if you were so unhappy why don't you file? because: he's happy with his wife, andhe's even happier with his wife and a girlfriend on teh side
Author stimpy47 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 than he should be happy, I am not with him why be angry? I am out of your life,( unless you mean he has someone else ) and he claimed that the wife is crazy, she smashed all the windows in his car, that wa the last straw for him and he says he moved out, he claims that he doesn't love her and by me asking questions I started to sound like her and his first wife cheated on him. dated 2 years between wives.
alphamale Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 and he claimed that the wife is crazy, she smashed all the windows in his car, have you confirmed anything he told you with your own eyes and ears?? you should call his wife and find out
Author stimpy47 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 His friend said this, he didn't even admit it was her, he said someone broke out my windows. I have nothing but his friends word and his. His friend told me plenty, more than he ever did
Author stimpy47 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 He broke up with me 2 days before valentines day but wanted us to remain friends, but since the breakup he has become very harsh and mean, and is also having problems with his job, he said I don't want a serious relationship and I think you do. But now he is just making up lies when we did talk, saying I hung up on him on the phone which I never did, I am too demanding , we saw each other maybe once a month pretty much anything to make me hate him, and I would always ask do you just want this to end ? and he would always say no, so my question if you had no feelings for me and you still had the wife in the picture, why are you being so hateful towards me? he wanted the break up, he should be happy he got what he wanted but he acts more miserable than ever and nasty towards me, he wanted it to end so he should be doing flips over this.
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 "I am feeling like a complete idiot, he obviously was never going to leave his wife and was using me..." Hun don't say that.....you just felt that as a man he would be truthful but obviously that wasn't the case with this man so it's just something that you can learn from. My advice to you abou this "boy" and I do mean it because he's not a man is to forget about him and move forward with your life.
Author stimpy47 Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 thanks for the input, everyone I have spoken to says he is a "boy" not a man to do what he did, my sister thinks he is jut crazy, says he must feel guilty about something he did and is turning it around on me so he doesn't look like the bad guy.
BCCA Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 so he doesn't look like the bad guy. Its all about justifying his actions, even if only to himself. You ran into one of the worlds many, many selfish jerks. There are a lot more of them than actual nice, genuine, people. Youre not an idiot at all, you just fell victim to a liar. When youre an honest person, you tend to expect others are the same, and sadly more people are dishonest douche bags, men/women alike. Good riddance, right?
miss-jem-bishop Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Well my suggestion your are worth more than him ... his loss! spend some time with friends go out have a laugh you may not feel like it but trust me once your out might make you feel slight bit better... he sounds like a right coward! he does not deserve you but just remember everything happens for a reason and when u like someone it isnt easy to get over them straight away! but it does take time and well i suggest you leave him alone ... stay away completley and well one day he will look back and see what he had and what he is left with! ... life aint easy but keep smiling and things wil get better ... trust me you never know whats around the block! takecare jem x
Author stimpy47 Posted March 9, 2009 Author Posted March 9, 2009 Well my suggestion your are worth more than him ... his loss! jem x That is so true, I need to remember that, and things do happen for a reason, I went out and kept myself busy and that did help, but it will take time. Thanks for the advice. it helped alot
Author stimpy47 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 I still can't get over how easy it is for him to lie and it doesn't seem to bother him whatsoever, he really is a cold hearted bastard.
Author stimpy47 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 have you confirmed anything he told you with your own eyes and ears?? you should call his wife and find out If I had his wifes number I would call her to let her know what kind of person she is married to.
2sure Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 You saw each other once a month and you could not have his home phone number. I understand your pain and anger...but not the surprise.
Author stimpy47 Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 update, it has been 6 weeks and he calls me out of the blue to say hello and was sorry for what he said was having a bad day, lost my phone number, asked if i was dating anyone, said he will call me, my thoughts are just wanted to get his ego stroked and to see if there was any interest. unbelievable. Why do guys do this?
Author stimpy47 Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 I need help with this, I ran into my ex, he tapped me on the shoulder and said hi stranger, I said we need to talk, I asked again why did you call me, he said he wanted to be friends is there anything wrong with that? He than told me where he worked and that he would call me monday, gave me the name and street of where he worked and the hrs he is working, but low and behold monday comes and did not call, I called out of curiousty the place he "supposedly" worked, they have never heard of him, so my question why lie to me again,? obviously I would find out that he lied, I think he is just stroking his ego, and when I was harsh to him when I saw him in person, he becomes mad and didn't contact me, my question, why tell me where you work and the hrs you work, are you just trying to screw with me again to see if I am still interested. I am so mad and just wish I could tell him off, but I guess I will not get the satisfaction. Why do guys do this???????????
Author stimpy47 Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 And now the final chapter, He calls me 4 times at work on Wednesday April 29th, finally did get to talk to me at work, asked how I was, I said you lied to me again. He said I did not lie to you, so he had to go, his work phone was ringing, So I wait until later in the day to ask why did you lie to me, he goes on and on about what happened and we left it noone was mad he was joking around on the phone. So I get into work today and there is a nasty voicmail saying someone has been calling at my job and hanging up, and if this is you (it wasn't) stop or I will call your job and tell them you are harassing me. WTF ,he called me just 2 days earlier, I never called except the same day he phoned to tell him I know that you lied, but I was not mean about it, Why would this guy go totally psycho on me and accuse me of calling and hainging up when he has been calling me? Is he feeling guilty about lying and trying to make stuff up to jusify his actions. and agan this is a 37 year old male.....I am dumbfounded, this is defintely the last time we will ever speak, he is like a Jekly and Hyde, I was so furious how someone can lie about me and two days earlier acted like everything was fine and we were the best of friends. My sister thinks he is crazy and to watch out. Thoughts from anyone escpecially guys would be appreciated. Thank you:sick:
BCCA Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Honestly, seems to me that he's involved with someone else, and reaches out when their relationship gets stagnant or hits the rocks. From this guys perspective, seems pretty obvious that he just wanted to make sure you didnt get the idea that it was ok to just contact him any time. I honestly think you're just an outlet for his amusement and ego. Even after lying to you, he was still able to get you on the phone and you even said, by the end everyone was fine and he was joking around. I bet now that you see he's still a lying jerk, the thought of having some pleasant chatter with him on the phone is making your skin crawl. Don't give him the time of day again. I actually think I see exactly whats going on, and I honestly dont think hes any harm to you. I think he gets all pissy with his current SO, then comes back to you and sees if that option is still anywhere close to open, and then either uses that as leverage or whatever ego boost he needs, and goes back to her. When he goes back to her, he doesnt want to have to explain you in any way, so he does stuff like flip out to make good and sure youll stay away until the next time HE calls. I said you lied to me again. He said I did not lie to you, so he had to go, his work phone was ringing LOL this guy is a serious putz. And what time did he leave the nasty voicemail at? I'm guessing at a time he knew you wouldnt be there to answer, right? Yeah, this dude is a bozo, and you should be thankful he's given you such a classic example of what you DONT want. At some point, you almost want to thank people for giving you a slew of new red flags to look out for, but then you are overwhelmed with the desire to punch them in the head lol
Author stimpy47 Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 You are right he called me at 8:20 am and to make matters worst on the day I was off, so he knew I wouldn't get the message right away and he called my job 2 times the day I was off and asked was I in, he knew good and well I wasn't. Live and Learn I guess, but I don't think he would have the nerve to call me again after leaving that message. But thank you for your input, it helps. And I do think it is an ego boost, he called me on his birthday to see if I was thinking about him meanwhile he hadn't called for about 6 weeks before and just said I was having a bad day, I didn't mean what I said. and than says I want us to be friends. Which is NEVER going to happen. He is a loser.
Author stimpy47 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 The jerk called and said he and his wife are back together, so he lied to me from the beginning. He said she knows nothing about me the 5 months we slept together, and he isn't going to tell her. SO I hope they have a long miserable marriage, she knows nothing about me and never will apparantly, I said don't you think you should tell her since you two are working things out, he said no, he wont tell her, now she is a good person, only not so much when she drinks, she threatened to kill him, smashed out the windows in his car, and had him followed, but everything is good now, what an a*****. So I know never, ever, ever believe what a supposedly separted man says, he says they were separated for a long time, since Dec. that is not that long, now all of a sudden life is good and the kicker is he told me he took a vow to be married, but apparantly that didnt' matter to him while he was cheating on her with me, funny how all of a sudden the "marriage vows" matter to him, they sure didn't than. Live and learn, lesson learned, never get involved with a married man, that was my mistake. I am thinking of letting his wife know what he did. She has no idea and I think she out to know. Thought??? If I was married I would want to know if I was being cheated on.
BCCA Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Honestly, I dont think she would believe you. I've known many a woman to be cheated on, and when the other woman calls to let her know, they get more mad at the other woman. And he could just say youre some crazy chick thats been bothering him, and she'll believe it because its better than really thinking he was creeping around behind your back. I have a friend right now who got a call from a woman her 'boyfriend' has been dating for over a year, and her first reaction was that this chick was a liar, because otherwise, she would just feel stupid.
carhill Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I am thinking of letting his wife know what he did. She has no idea and I think she out to know. Thought??? If I was married I would want to know if I was being cheated on. Sure, if you have incontrovertible evidence of your relationship with this man, merely package it up and make sure she gets it. Otherwise, any revelations will be dealt with in a manner similar to what you just shared. Most serial cheaters are pretty smart in that they don't generate evidence that's easily discoverable. Don't know if that's your situation or not. Regardless, now that it's clear, cleanse and move on
Author stimpy47 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 Thank you both for replying so promptly. I needed to hear that, and I dont have any evidence so she probably wouldn't believe me, It just feels so unfair, I am the one being played and he comes out smelling like a rose, he got everything he wanted and life is good for him and I trusted him and I get the shaft.
RunawayTrain Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Here goes my story, I met a separted man, who says he was getting a divorce but has not filed after 10 years, he said at the beginning he wanted a relationship and when I started wanting more time all of a suden he now wanted a casual relationship, there were red flags everywhere but I didn't pay attention (big mistake) I never had his phone number at home only work, and could only talk about less than 5 minutes, and I never got a word in, when I would ask questions about his marriage he would hedge the questions and say I was asking too many questions, the more I asked the angrier he got, so he says I am being to demanding and ends it, but the way he did it was so nasty,left it on my machine at home knowing I was not home, saying don't call me again ever. I am feeling like a complete idiot, he obviously was never going to leave his wife and was using me, I was the first one he said that he got involved in since his separtion ( who knows) he probably lied about that also,I just needed to vent seeing as this just happened today, and we were going out for 5 monhts. Any thoughs would be appreciated. I only went out to begin with because he told me he was getting the divorce, he wanted it she doesnt; that was probably a lie, I don't get why if you were so unhappy why don't you file? It has been 3 years and there are no children and he is under 40 and this is his 2nd marriage. Thoughts? This is going to be extremely blunt but it is the truth and not meant to be harsh: This is what being only a piece of ass feels like. This man did not respect you for a second. Be more careful next time and not so naive.
Author stimpy47 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 Point well taken, I need people to be blunt, so I know you are right, I was nothing but a piece of ass, and naive. But hearing this is what I need to hear. So again thank you for being blund
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