hilary9 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I have been dating my boyfriend for more than a year, and before that we were best friends for two years. We get along great, and everything is perfect except... I am always feeling insecure about his best friend since elementary school who is a girl. I'm not exactly jealous, I just feel really insecure. I have tried talking to him about it and he says that it is mean of me to try to take away his only good friend besides me. I would agree with him, but their relationship just weirds me out. They have hung out on weeknights together and gotten drunk, which is very strange to me. My mom is an alcoholic and this issue is very sensitive to me, and when I tried talking to him about it he said that I was being unreasonable. She is always putting her hands on him and calls him all the time. She always needs advice from him. I used to be good friends with her also, but we drifted over the past year as she and my boyfriend got closer. She has a very outgoing personality and when I am around both of them she ends up talking to him more than me. I have a good friend who is a guy, but when I hang out with him I always welcome my boyfriend to join us, but I am never welcome at their gatherings. One time, I was on the phone with him and he said he was going to sleep but I know that he called her right after he got off the phone with me. Also, his Facebook (sounds very immature I know) was made with my e-mail address, and so his messages are sent to my e-mail. I couldn't help but read the messages from her and one of them read "haha you". This sounds so stupid but that just comes off as being romantic to me! I want to be the only woman he needs in his life. I am tired of feeling insecure about this, and it makes me crabby to him. I don't want our relationship to end either, because I care about him a lot. Advice or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
samspade Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I couldn't help but read the messages from her and one of them read "haha you". Of course you could have helped it. You're snooping around because of your insecurity, take a little ownership for Pete's sake. I think it's a little weird and effeminate for a man's best friend to be a female, but I also know that nothing will ruin your relationship faster than trying to wedge yourself between him and his friends. You can't choose his friends. That said, if she is flirting with him and it is pissing you off, you have a right to address it. If they are actually platonic, she shouldn't be flirting with him. Either she likes him or wants to get under your skin, or both.
cheerie Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 As a girl with a lot of guy friends, I wouldn't worry so much. Maybe this particular girl is being a little reckless and thoughtless by being full on around him, but as you say she's an outgoing gal. In my male friendships I know where the line is, my best male friend stays over all the time (on the sofa) and often we'll talk about how in love he is with his gf, what he should get her for her bday.. you know the same stuff u talk about with ur girlfriends. It doesn't have to be a negative thing, the chances are he's a better and more sensitive guy for having a girl -pal. Another point to make here is the difference I feel as a girl towards my male friends. My male friends are NO WAY my type, I do not see them that way at all and my boyfriends I have had in this time have not resembled them at all. I see them like brothers. Of course I am not writing off that it could be inappropriate but the chances are its harmless, and as the previous post says, jealousy and wedging inbetween friends only ends in disaster xx
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