rach23 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Warning: This story is a little in-depth but I tried to sensor I'm back with more complications for you all to interpret!! This last weekend I went out with a guy (we had hung out before) and we went back to his place. Things got pretty hot and heavy in the bedroom, but I managed to hold off on the sex. We did lots of other things, and stayed up and talked till like 4 or 5 in the morning. He said he liked me and wanted to go out again. I gave him a "yeah right" face, but then he said "what about tomorrow night?" I agreed. Things sound good, right? Well in the morning when he's in the shower I see the sheets and there's a blood stain. I've had this problem before (seeing as I've had sex very few times). Anyway, it probably happen when he was doing some finger action. I folded up the sheets and when he came out I felt very embarassed and said "I told you that I don't do this often, well...let's just say you need to wash your sheets". He seemed nice about it and said 'it's okay, it happens' but I left so awkwardly (no hug or kiss). He asked if I still wanted to hang out tonight, and I said something ambivalent like "sure" or "yeah, whenever". Long story short- he didn't call last night about this "date" we had kinda talked about and still nothing today. It just sucks because everything was perfect until the morning. He's a mature guy so I thought he'd be okay with it, but now I'm thinking otherwise (especially after him not calling last night). Thoughts? Should I just get over it or try and make one last effort?
clv0116 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 So you cockteased him all night and you wonder why he didn't call? Does that about sum it up?
2sure Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 The first time he asked to see you again, you gave him a "yeah, right" face. The second time he asked - you gave him a "whenever". Not much encouragement to call.
Author rach23 Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 clv- What the hell? So if I makeout with a guy that means I have to have sex with him? Give me a break. I told him from the start that I didn't feel comfortable having sex right away because I hadn't done it a lot. He should have rolled over and went to sleep if that's how he felt. 2sure- The "yeah right" face I was joking and he knew it. The "whenever" part is because I was just so embarrassed and didn't know what to say. You guys, I do feel really bad about this.
Geishawhelk Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 This 'blood on the sheets'... Was it quite a bit, or just a spot? Was it from a scratch, due to a bit of rough play, or do you think it was internal? If the latter, I hate to say it, but you need to just go for a check-up because bleeding with just finger penetration, isn't normal, and you say it's happened before....? As for the contact - go for it. Contact him and say, "so, when shall we go out again?" Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
2sure Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I was just thinking maybe you had not indicated to him that you would be happy to see him again. But you did. The blood without penetrition, or even with, since you are not a virgin...is not normal. It can happen, but there is a reason. Worst case scenerio - he saw the blood, figures you got your period, and was put off that you had not figured that out. If you want to see him again, give him a call, cant hurt. Do not mention the blood at all . You handled it perfectly well the first time.
manugeorge Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 There is nothing to feel bad about. Your body did what bodies do which can sometimes be embarrassing. It's not like you took a dump on his bed. Look at it this way, if it takes only a drop of unexpected blood to make him freak out on you, then it's really good riddiance. We always worry and blame ourselves whenever we get a brush off from dates, but if the person is going to sum the whole of you up in one single innocent mishap, then perhaps you don't need to be dating them in the first place.
BCCA Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I'm sure he felt just as awkward, and perhaps confused about the cause of the blood. Like someone else mentioned, blood caused by finger action is not normal. And virgins usually only bleed to first couple times when you actually have sex, so he could just not understand. And here is a lesson learned, sometimes when you go ALMOST all the way, guys get turned off, think youre a teast. Lame as hell, right? I agree, but everyone has their agendas and ways of looking at things. He could also think its that time of the month, and maybe he should wait a few days to call if he was thinking that the second night was going to be when 'it' happened. Nothing wrong with giving him a call. Let him know that youre still down for hanging out sometime, and to let you know.
Author rach23 Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Thanks guys. I really appreciate the feedback. I set up an appointment with my gyno so I'm getting that checked out. It could have been fingernails that caused the blood. I hope he didn't think it was my period- I know better than that! I'm going to text him. You're right, if that put him off for good then he's not worth it.
Star Gazer Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Even when I have my period, I don't get it on the sheets. How much did you bleed? That doesn't sound healthy.
clv0116 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 clv- What the hell? So if I makeout with a guy that means I have to have sex with him? Give me a break. Of course not. If he makes out with you and can't get any further does he have to call you? You went ALMOST all the way - if you didn't want to have sex you didn't have to tease that hard. I wouldn't call either.
Author rach23 Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Why do you have to be so rude? You're making this sound like this is my fault? We TALKED about it before. It's not that I would never have sex with him, just not that night. Could I be more clear? I swear...girls get **** whether we put out or not.
Star Gazer Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I don't necessarily think clv is being rude, and do believe he has a point. Smart guys who want to continue seeing a girl know that it's important to call her after sex. "After sex" is the operative phrase here. You didn't have sex, therefore this "rule" doesn't come into play. But it sounds like he's avoided plans you made, and you haven't heard from him in at least 3+ days (is that count right)? How many times had you "hung out" before this past weekend? Were they real dates? From what you've described, it doesn't sound like much more than a very casual hookup.
rlindzie Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 he may have took your answer of "whatever" in a rude way, or he may have thought you were on your period, and thats wh he might be givin you some time. but if he doesnt call back because you didnt have sex with him he is an ass. sorry but any guy who says "if we do this than we must have sex and if you dont put out than your bad and im not going to call or see you again" and thinks that is a valid reason is clearly an ass. Like you said if we put out we are a slut and if we dont we are a tease. it is a lose lose situation, but i do belive there are guys out there that do not follow suit with this oh and i do think you should call him, it wont hurt to call
BCCA Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 he may have took your answer of "whatever" in a rude way, or he may have thought you were on your period, and thats wh he might be givin you some time. but if he doesnt call back because you didnt have sex with him he is an ass. sorry but any guy who says "if we do this than we must have sex and if you dont put out than your bad and im not going to call or see you again" and thinks that is a valid reason is clearly an ass. Like you said if we put out we are a slut and if we dont we are a tease. it is a lose lose situation, but i do belive there are guys out there that do not follow suit with this oh and i do think you should call him, it wont hurt to call Its a lose lose for guys, too. If we want to have sex, we're pigs that just want booty. If we hold off, we deny our urges and give complete control of that over to the woman. What do you do? It rarely, if every, turns out that a man and woman want to have sex on precisely the same schedule, so it just takes a little feeling out for that. A reason only has to be 'valid' to the person giving it. A lot of other people's reaons seem like nonsense to the next person. And the heart has reasons that reason cannot understand. I've heard of girls meeting a perfect guy, and saying he was too good and might dump them someday, so they bail. Is that a valid reason? To me, no, but to some others it may be. We TALKED about it before Even if he said he agreed with you, it doesnt mean he really did. People say they dont mind waiting for sex all the time, and then conveniently find other excuses for ending things when theyre not getting laid. Call him, see what he has to say, and evaluate your situation then.
Enema Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I'd be put off by the less than encouraging responses about going out again and that you didn't hug/kiss me goodbye. Oh, that's his responsibility to initiate? No, it isn't.
bean1 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 You asked for interpretations, you don't seem very happy about the ones you got! Woman to woman: Your reaction sounded like someone who isn't interested in anything further. Whether or not you were trying to play it casual (or "not needy"), it sure sounds disinterested. Another view: a lot of men won't want to date girls who: (a) do sexual things with guys without being on a date (yes - double standard here), or (b) "do things" but then withdraw from sex when the situation seems implied. A lot of guys are under the impression that "no means yes". I am not talking about rape of course, but a lot of girls are coy and say "Oh, no, I'm not THAT kind of girl!" and then of course, they are more then willing when the time comes. Perhaps he is disappointed. Also, a lot of guys may try to seem interested after sex in order to not hurt your feelings when in fact, they aren't interested. How about, rather then interpretations, you just call him and say it as a fact, "Is this going to continue into a date or relationship or are you just stringing me along?". No interpretations, no beating around the bush. You aren't going to get a real answer unless you do that! As for the bleeding, it happens (it has happened to me from a fingernail), I don't think that's an issue at all.
socialight Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 clv is 100% correct. If he takes care of you, and you don't reciprocate, he owes you nada. Your callous responses to his questions don't help your cause.
Author rach23 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Perhaps people are misinterpreting me a bit- I appreciate the honesty, I just personally wish it were done in a more tactful way. Like how StarGazer did it, for instance. Obviously I'm a little sensitive seeing as this just happened, so cut me slack? Anyway, I have a lot of guy friends. And from what I gathered from their past opinions is that if a guy likes a girl, there is no "correct" # of days or dates to wait until sex. Maybe it's different for everyone Looking back, I think I did go too far in this case...I just sort of had "what the hell, you only live once" moments. Fortunately I am not looking for a steady relationship (hell, I wouldn't mind just a sex buddy) but even so rejection is a blow to the ego no matter what you're looking for. I sent him a message apologizing for my morning behavior and indicated that I was still interested. Whatever happens, happens. Hopefully this can be a lesson for anyone out there who IS looking for a relationship. If you don't want to be pushed too far, don't stay at his place or else just sleep on the couch. And guys, if a girl bleeds don't count on her acting lovey dovey in the morning. I guess that's enough for my soap box.
Geishawhelk Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I have to say, as someone who excels at being a major bi*t*ch at times, I think people have reacted a little harshly here.....
jadelil25 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 He may have said that he took it as a joke but it does not mean that he did. He may feel that you are not interested because of how you acted and maybe worried about calling. It is a modern world. Why dont you call him? If you really like him go for it and organise something nice or fun for you to do. It is the only way that you can find out how he feels.
Crow9726 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 After reading the original post and the replies...I think the dude is getting signals of indifference from her. The other thing that caught my eye was her saying she would text him. What's the matter with people nowadays? Phone calls can sure alleviate any miscommunications that arise through texting...yet people continually text and then ask strangers on this forum and others to explain what a text means when it's worded in a way other than one they can easily understand. Call him...see where it goes from there.
Geishawhelk Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Crow, I'm going to start a 'ban the texts!' Campaign - wanna join me - ??
clv0116 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Why do you have to be so rude? You say rude, I say honest. If you're not gonna put out you shouldn't go 95% of the way and then cut it off without warning. It's incredibly frustrating.
BCCA Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Crow, I'm going to start a 'ban the texts!' Campaign - wanna join me - ?? Texting is an easier way to deal with rejection. If you just send a text, and its not returned, oh well. Its a lot easier than calling and getting blown off or leaving a voicemail that isnt returned. I hate texting too, but its a part of our world today, sadly. If you're not gonna put out you shouldn't go 95% of the way and then cut it off without warning. It's incredibly frustrating. I think you do piss of a lot of guys this way, but oh well. Here is the thing, you are well within your rights to go as far as you want to, and stop when you please. Unfortunately, a guy is well within his rights to not call or think youre a tease. Its a trade off, neither party can expect the other to completely agree with their decision. I dont think you did anything wrong, and Ive had some 95% situations that over a few weeks, turned into 100% over and over. Some guys, like myself, understand that some girls dont want to just give it up. Some guys dont care, they took you making out and allowing them to finger you as a sign that the rest of the clothes were coming off, too, and they get pissed when you dont put out. Not your problem, thats there deal. You didnt do anything wrong, but that doesnt mean this relationship or whatever it is will continue. Sometimes, it just doesnt work out - nothing you can do. Keep your head up, you did what was good for you - f*** everyone else.
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