turnshyness Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I’m going out on a date w/ a girl I met online tom. This is the 4th girl that I’m abt to date. A little bit of a history, I’ve actually never been out on dates before..never been on a long term relationship either..so I joined an online dating site. I’ve met 3 girls and went out on a date w/ them…didn’t work out w/c is fine…I didn’t particularly care. I was just out there to be out there. I wasn’t affected if it went somewhere or not. Well this 4th girl, I really like her..we share the same interest and values. Two days ago we were on the phone for almost an hour and the next day for almost two hrs just talking abt random stuff. We had a great time! Here are my insecurities – I’m worried that when we finally we meet I’m not what she’s expecting and I know I should just think positive, etc. I actually see myself and want to pursue a relationship w/ her…it worries me though that since I’ve never been on a relationship – I’m not sure if I have the skills/experience to be in a serious relationship w/ her. It’s such a double edge sword- it’s advantage for her because at least I don’t have any hang-ups or excess baggage but at the same time my inexperience for lack of a better word might just work against me? I’m also nervous if I should kiss on first date (I usually don’t..i just wait for the second date to make my move coz I want to build comfort and don’t want it to look like im too aggressive either) Any thoughts/ideas? Thanks in advance!
39388 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I’m going out on a date w/ a girl I met online tom. This is the 4th girl that I’m abt to date. You are doing great! You seem to be able to find women to date much more easily now, so if one doesn't work, there will be another for you to try dating. I do of course hope it works out between you and her.
Author turnshyness Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Thanks for the advice! Totally forgot that saying plenty of fish out there. . It's just that it'd be really great if everything works out w/ her and a relationship does evolve out of this. I hope all is well on your end. You are doing great! You seem to be able to find women to date much more easily now, so if one doesn't work, there will be another for you to try dating. I do of course hope it works out between you and her.
samspade Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Here are my insecurities – I’m worried that when we finally we meet I’m not what she’s expecting and I know I should just think positive, etc. Hey buddy. First of all, don't worry about that. Tell your self you'll be MORE than she's expecting (in a good way). I actually see myself and want to pursue a relationship w/ her…it worries me though that since I’ve never been on a relationship – I’m not sure if I have the skills/experience to be in a serious relationship w/ her. It's just one date. You won't really know if you want to pursue anything beyond a second date. And don't worry about your experience or lack of...it's not a job interview. It’s such a double edge sword- it’s advantage for her because at least I don’t have any hang-ups or excess baggage but at the same time my inexperience for lack of a better word might just work against me? No, it's still advantage: you. Why? Because she has to meet your standards, too. And the only way to get experience is to get it. You're taking a step forward, so enjoy it. If she asks about your dating history, shrug it off with a joke ("well, I've only been divorced five times, hope that's okay with you") and change the subject. Don't dwell on it! Move on to lighter subject matter. I’m also nervous if I should kiss on first date (I usually don’t..i just wait for the second date to make my move coz I want to build comfort and don’t want it to look like im too aggressive either)I usually make a move for a kiss on the first date. But before you do that, you have to create feelings in her that will make her want to kiss you, and then read her signals. It's okay to be a little nervous - it's good, in fact. You'll know when there's a pause and she smiles at you the right way to move in. Don't ask permission, just do it. No risk, no reward. Have fun!
Green Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 just be yourself...you know the confident version of yourself that means say and do what you want and ignore that little voice in the back of your head that says "no don't flirt with her she'll be creeped out" "no don't kiss her even though you want to because she'll dump you" ... Ignore those voices be yourself be confident, don't talk or harp on your inexperience or other fears and just be romantic and kiss the girl before the date is over... Yes the first date.. might not get a second if you don't atleast try she'll turn her head and you'll hit her cheek if she doesn't want it and remember they are more likely to hold not kissing against you then kissing... Oh and don't ask just kiss when the time is right... the time is right if you havn't kissed all night and ur about to say goodnight then just kiss her!
Author turnshyness Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Thanks for the replies! I'll definitely keep these advices in my mind. I totally forgot of having fun and also the fact that this has to be a both sided match. There's always a first for everything so I'll definitely try to move in for the kiss. I've never done kiss at first date so we'll see how it goes. I'll keep you all posted. Wish me luck
ate_the_paint Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Everyone has great advice, but I just want to chip in about the kiss. If you don't feel right doing it on the first date, then don't. If all goes well you'll get a second and you can go for it then. Regardless of what happens, keep up the momentum so she knows you're interested. If you hug her goodnight after this date, kiss her on the second, etc. Good luck! You'll have a blast, I guarantee it, and that's what dating is all about!
Author turnshyness Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Darn. I'm seeing signs of flakiness. She's not responding to my text messages. Arghh.
39388 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Darn. I'm seeing signs of flakiness. She's not responding to my text messages. Arghh. Hopefully she just left her phone somewhere or is just busy. Don't make the mistake of sending too many texts.
Author turnshyness Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Yah, I'm hoping the same thing too. I sent one last night saying good night and one again this morning saying good morning have a great day type of thing and she hasnt responded. Oh well. We'll see what goes. It sucks coz now I'm kinda freaking out. I need to learn how to control it and just let go. Hopefully she just left her phone somewhere or is just busy. Don't make the mistake of sending too many texts.
jadelil25 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 First: Step out, calm down, breathe and relax. It will all be fine. As long has you have been truthfull the whole way along there is nothing to worry about, just be your self that it is what important. Remember dating is a game and it's meant to be fun so enjoy your self and go with the flow and it will all go well and be fine. If you try to put pressure on things they will not work you just need to go with the flow and let nature take it's course. Throughout the date give her lots of little smiles and look in to her eyes sometimes. This gives her the sign that you like her and are having a good time. If the date goes well, dont worry about kissing her but maybe just give her a hug and say good bye. Leave it until the next day and then send her a message saying that you had a nice time and ask if she would like to do something again soon. After you have sent that message the ball is then in her court and you need to wait for her to reply and im sure that she will. Dont message her again until she has replied and leave it a couple of hours before replying. That way you are not coming across as desperate. Then from there, if you carry on dating just take things slow and dont force for things to happen. Just spend time getting to know each other and enjoy her company. Maybe ask her what she would like to do for the second date or organise something related to your hobbies which you will both enjoy. Good Luck. Im sure that it will be fine.
Author turnshyness Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Thanks so much for that. I feel so much better now. Hopefully she does reply. The date is tonight and I'm really hoping I hear back from her. I'll let you all know how the date or non-date goes? lol First: Step out, calm down, breathe and relax. It will all be fine. As long has you have been truthfull the whole way along there is nothing to worry about, just be your self that it is what important. Remember dating is a game and it's meant to be fun so enjoy your self and go with the flow and it will all go well and be fine. If you try to put pressure on things they will not work you just need to go with the flow and let nature take it's course. Throughout the date give her lots of little smiles and look in to her eyes sometimes. This gives her the sign that you like her and are having a good time. If the date goes well, dont worry about kissing her but maybe just give her a hug and say good bye. Leave it until the next day and then send her a message saying that you had a nice time and ask if she would like to do something again soon. After you have sent that message the ball is then in her court and you need to wait for her to reply and im sure that she will. Dont message her again until she has replied and leave it a couple of hours before replying. That way you are not coming across as desperate. Then from there, if you carry on dating just take things slow and dont force for things to happen. Just spend time getting to know each other and enjoy her company. Maybe ask her what she would like to do for the second date or organise something related to your hobbies which you will both enjoy. Good Luck. Im sure that it will be fine.
Author turnshyness Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Yup. Already did that. I didnt send any more text after this morning so I'm just waiting for her reply. Stop texting
Author turnshyness Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 If she doesnt reply to my text, am I to assume date is cancelled? She said she'd text me if the time works or not.
Author turnshyness Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 After beating myself up for the whole day for no apparent reason - we finally met up for a date. She did have a good reason why she wasnt receiving my text messages it's bec by the time I sent her the text messages, she's already at work and doesnt have good signal. We met up and she was so kind and so sweet because I was stuck in traffic that just wasnt moving. She asked me to promise her not get stressed out and just to take my time. We met up for dinner and we connected like we did connect on the phone! It was such a GREAT date compared to the other dates I've been to...second date, here we come! Hopefully this one turns into something meaningful. I need to teach myself how to slow down and let nature take its course. I sometimes over plan too much and it's a domino effect - I then crumble in just like how I thought she was flaking on me...but yes - it was the best date I've ever been. We just connected in so many levels! Did the date happen? I'm hoping for some good news.
39388 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 After beating myself up for the whole day for no apparent reason - we finally met up for a date. She did have a good reason why she wasnt receiving my text messages it's bec by the time I sent her the text messages, she's already at work and doesnt have good signal. We met up and she was so kind and so sweet because I was stuck in traffic that just wasnt moving. She asked me to promise her not get stressed out and just to take my time. We met up for dinner and we connected like we did connect on the phone! It was such a GREAT date compared to the other dates I've been to...second date, here we come! Hopefully this one turns into something meaningful. I need to teach myself how to slow down and let nature take its course. I sometimes over plan too much and it's a domino effect - I then crumble in just like how I thought she was flaking on me...but yes - it was the best date I've ever been. We just connected in so many levels! Excellent!!! Yeah, definitely do your best to calm down. I can relate as I'm prone to being too intense and planning too much in many aspects of my life. It is best to just let it go. Easier said that done, but maybe it will become easier with practice. Good luck with the second date. Hopefully no stress and lots of fun!
Author turnshyness Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 Thanks! I'm really trying to teach myself how to calm down and stop over analyzing things so that I won't hit that catastrophic mode of all the possible failures and what ifs hahaha. I really do look forward to the second date and third and fourth and fifth. Oh darn, I'm over planning already hahaha Excellent!!! Yeah, definitely do your best to calm down. I can relate as I'm prone to being too intense and planning too much in many aspects of my life. It is best to just let it go. Easier said that done, but maybe it will become easier with practice. Good luck with the second date. Hopefully no stress and lots of fun!
39388 Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Thanks! I'm really trying to teach myself how to calm down and stop over analyzing things so that I won't hit that catastrophic mode of all the possible failures and what ifs hahaha. I really do look forward to the second date and third and fourth and fifth. Oh darn, I'm over planning already hahaha Do something fun or something to distract yourself so you don't constantly think about the 2nd date. I know, easier said than done. Yeah, you sound like me automatically thinking far into the future. Try to only think about the next date and as much as you want to be good enough for her, she also has to be good enough for you.
Author turnshyness Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 Yah, sometimes I forget the side of if she's good enough to me. Thx for the advice! I guess if anything - I'm just really scared to loose her? I just felt that deeper connection (and it's not infatuation) w/ her. Do something fun or something to distract yourself so you don't constantly think about the 2nd date. I know, easier said than done. Yeah, you sound like me automatically thinking far into the future. Try to only think about the next date and as much as you want to be good enough for her, she also has to be good enough for you.
carhill Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Tip: If you enjoy each other's company, ask for another date in person, looking eye to eye, while on a date. If she accepts, expect it to happen. Don't text back and forth. Merely make one phone call to advise her when you'll be picking her up. That's it
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