I feel like a pussy.

[Inziladun]

So here I am, head over heels, for an ex-slut.

 

A little bit of background info about me. My first girl (we were both 16) I was with, was a virgin. We both agreed to do it and it was alright, we were both good with it. Fastforward a little bit, we were at a party. We both got really drunk and high and well to be honest half the night is a blur. Well she ended up getting raped by two of the guys there. They left immediately after, but me and my friend knew one of them. Besides doing the smart thing, me and my friend went to his house and literally beat the **** out of him and then we ran off. Well the rape was reported at this point and apparrently the guy went to the hospital where the police found him and then he ratted out his friend. My girlfriend somehow twisted the rape out to be my fault because I wasn't there for her. That was the end of relationship numero uno.

 

After about a year and half of depression I finally came out of my shell again and met girl number two through a friend. Things went fine for a while, we were both attracted to eachother and she was a nice girl. She only been with one other guy and they ended things on good terms. I was fine with it and the guy seemed like he was a decent dude. Anyway, we date for about 5 months and she says we were getting too serious and that she wanted to end the relationship because we didn't share the same religious views (I'm not religious, she is.) End of relationship two.

 

Now at age 18, I'm going to a local community college. I'm in this class and I notice this one girl I used to attend grade school with drive by me almost every day on the way to campus, she notices this too and we decide to carpool. Anyway, this girl is kinda wacky but she has character. She then decides it'd be a good idea to hook me up with her sister, because she said she wanted her sister to date people her own age. Now usually her sister isn't the type i'd go out with but understand at the time me and my Ex kept hooking up and I desperately wanted something new, other than to crawl back to my ex. So I agreed.

 

Enter girl number 3. We go on a blind date, she's attractive and it goes pretty well. Go on a second date to the movies, goes well again. Then we started just hanging out more regularly. Now this girl is only 17, but she smoked cigs and was a bit of a pot head. Since then I've got her to quit both, and all's good. Well piece by piece her past has been finding a way to my ears, whether it be from one of her friend's mouths or her sister or even herself. Now I knew what I was getting into before I found out all the grisly details, but I stuck with it because I thought I could handle it, I thought it didn't matter. I was a really awkward transformation, but it seems like the more I cared about her the more I seemed to care about her past and then right on cue a little detail found its way to my ears, and this sort of repeated itself over the course of what now has been 6 months.

 

First it was how she lost her virginity to a guy with a 9 inch penis. Then it was finding out she slept with 12 people(some of which she admitted were one night stands). I should of dumped her after she said that. Next it was her wanting to smoke pot and not wanting me to hang out with her that day, and then ending up finding out that it was an ex **** buddy she wanted to smoke with(although i'm assured by her sister that she didn't cheat). Next it was finding out she hooked up with a 28 year old in her past. Then it was finding out she used to do cocain. Then it was finding out she slept with some of her friends, which she still hung out with at the time.

 

For some strange reason I thought I could handle this. I don't know why, maybe I thought I was a better person than I really am. She stopped hanging out with the people she slept with, she stopped smoking pot, she stopped smoking cigs, she stopped drinking. We both fell in love with eachother and we both care for eachother. But the other day was the breaking point, I believe.

 

I found out she had a threesome, with two of her friends. Both of which were guys.

 

I just felt sick. I hurled two times that day, and once during that night. Then yet another time the next day. I felt depressed and I broke down crying on her shoulder.

 

I don't really understand why all this was happening, but now it's on day 3 after I found out and i'm still depressed. I don't feel like eating and I feel like ****. I can't concentrate and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm scared i'm going to push her away, but at the same time I feel as if I need to for self-preservation. I'm going to see a counsellor but I'm not sure what they can do.

 

What the **** is wrong with me? What can I do? Am I just a shallow prick head?

[Geishawhelk]

Ditch her and find someone normal.

And in counselling, find out why you're attracted to "wounded birds"... you seem to gravitate towards girls with serious issues.... My FiL is like that.

He's with his 3rd wife, and all his wives and GFs had issues he probably subconsciously wanted to fix. And when he couldn't, it would crack him up.

 

Get rid of this girl, and find someone stable.

 

(What does the fact his penis was 9" long have to do with her losing her virginity? is that because it makes you feel inadequate?

Don't go there.

Size - honestly - is not a great issue with us gals. Not if the guy is worth his mettle.)

[Inziladun]

No, it's not the size that bothers me. Just the fact that she seemed so open about losing her virginity that she said quote "I lost my virginity to a guy with a 9 inch dick and that **** hurt."

 

I'm 7 1/2 inches, and pretty wide. So i'm fine with my little peter.

 

 

I can't just dump her, it's not that simple. I didn't convey it well in my first post, but she's a great person and I love being with her. We get along great, other than this obstacle.

 

I don't know what you mean by me being attracted to wounded birds, she's the first that could be described as that. I do understand how I want to "fix" her though, that I try so terribly hard to do.

[Geishawhelk]

GF number one twisted things to implicate you as blameworthy of her assault.

That's just bull, but I can't believe she hadn't manifested needy or controlling issues before then...? ok, think on that one....

 

GF number 2.....? Never date anyone religious when you yourself feel indifferent, or non-committal. Big mistake.

 

GF #3: is actually not the girl you ahd your eye on - it's her sister.

And you allow yourself to be tied up with her.

 

Now this girl, what with ONSs and drugs, is just about as choccked up with issues as anyone of her age could be.

 

So let's address your last comment:

 

I do understand how I want to "fix" her though, that I try so terribly hard to do.

 

CANNOT BE DONE.

 

In triplicate, bold, underlined and ten-foot-high letters.

 

Nobody can fix anyone else.

The only people who can do the fixing, is the person themselves.

 

Sure you can support and be there as a staunch ally, but you cannot fix her.

 

And the fixing has to be started, and wanted initially and first of all, above all, by her.

You can't even convince her.

She has to realise it for herself.

 

She has to see it for herself.

She has to want it for herself.

She has to initiate it herself.

 

Relax, take a step back, and let things go.....

[missdependant]

Then it was finding out she slept with 12 people(some of which she admitted were one night stands).

Part of her past which, DOESN'T involve you.

 

Next it was finding out she hooked up with a 28 year old in her past.

Again. Something you can't control.

Then it was finding out she used to do cocain.

See high-lighted, underlined text.

 

Then it was finding out she slept with some of her friends, which she still hung out with at the time.

People have sex.. sometimes with their friends and when they're single it's in their rights.

 

I don't see what your problem is. These things are part of her PAST. Her past, which doesn't involve you. Her past, which you have no control over. Her past, which neither of you can change and is really none of your business.

 

Obviously, you have already tried to change her with telling her she can't smoke pot or cigarettes. If these are things she enjoys, let her. If you don't like it, leave. You shouldn't try and change people. From how it sounds, you have control issues that you should to get worked out, before getting involved in any relationships.

 

If you can't deal with her past, you have a lot of growing up to do. Considering your age, you will meet many decent girls with strange pasts. If you judge every single one, you will never find anyone. And remember, after high school you won't find a bunch of girls that are pure of heart, or even virgins for that matter. With that, you'll find that they've seen MANY more dicks, slept with many more people and fought off way worse drug habits.

 

My advice is either deal with it, or leave it behind if you can't handle or are not ready for adult relationships. This girl sounds like a handful for you, and no one is forcing you to be with her, or feel upset about things that should not matter to you.

[whichwayisup]

So many guys don't like it when a girl has sexual experiences and boost about it. It's OK for a guy to do that stuff, but not a girl...

 

I found out she had a threesome, with two of her friends. Both of which were guys.

 

That's HER past, and it has nothing to do with you. That happened BEFORE you knew her so what difference does it make?

[missdependant]

I found out she had a threesome, with two of her friends. Both of which were guys.

 

Oh wow, I missed one.. and yeah. Again.

 

PAST PAST PAST.

[Inziladun]

GF number one twisted things to implicate you as blameworthy of her assault.

That's just bull, but I can't believe she hadn't manifested needy or controlling issues before then...? ok, think on that one....

 

GF number 2.....? Never date anyone religious when you yourself feel indifferent, or non-committal. Big mistake.

 

GF #3: is actually not the girl you ahd your eye on - it's her sister.

And you allow yourself to be tied up with her.

 

Now this girl, what with ONSs and drugs, is just about as choccked up with issues as anyone of her age could be.

 

So let's address your last comment:

 

 

 

CANNOT BE DONE.

 

In triplicate, bold, underlined and ten-foot-high letters.

 

Nobody can fix anyone else.

The only people who can do the fixing, is the person themselves.

 

Sure you can support and be there as a staunch ally, but you cannot fix her.

 

And the fixing has to be started, and wanted initially and first of all, above all, by her.

You can't even convince her.

She has to realise it for herself.

 

She has to see it for herself.

She has to want it for herself.

She has to initiate it herself.

 

Relax, take a step back, and let things go.....

 

I see your point. Maybe I am a bit self-destructive when it comes to picking my relationships.

 

But at the same time, she has wanted to change. She has quit those things, and she does show regret for her past. I think i'm too attached at this point to just let her go. I don't think I could let myself unless she cheated on me or something.

 

People have sex.. sometimes with their friends and when they're single it's in their rights.

 

I don't see what your problem is. These things are part of her PAST. Her past, which doesn't involve you. Her past, which you have no control over. Her past, which neither of you can change and is really none of your business.

 

Obviously, you have already tried to change her with telling her she can't smoke pot or cigarettes. If these are things she enjoys, let her. If you don't like it, leave. You shouldn't try and change people. From how it sounds, you have control issues that you should to get worked out, before getting involved in any relationships.

 

If you can't deal with her past, you have a lot of growing up to do. Considering your age, you will meet many decent girls with strange pasts. If you judge every single one, you will never find anyone. And remember, after high school you won't find a bunch of girls that are pure of heart, or even virgins for that matter. With that, you'll find that they've seen MANY more dicks, slept with many more people and fought off way worse drug habits.

 

My advice is either deal with it, or leave it behind if you can't handle or are not ready for adult relationships. This girl sounds like a handful for you, and no one is forcing you to be with her, or feel upset about things that should not matter to you.

 

I understand that her past has no relation to me. I understand she didn't know me and I understand I shouldn't be upset about it.

 

But I am. That's the point, and I want to know how to deal with it. I wish I could just look at all that and say it doesn't matter and not care about it. God knows i've tried, but I just can't seem to get over it. I don't know why. I figure this is something I need to work out with this girl because like you've said, everyone has a past and if hers bothers me anyone else's probably will too.

 

So many guys don't like it when a girl has sexual experiences and boost about it. It's OK for a guy to do that stuff, but not a girl...

 

I don't think it's okay for a guy to do the stuff she did. I wouldn't of minded if she slept with people who cared about her at the time, I just feel sick to my stomach that she slept with so many sleazeballs.

[whichwayisup]

No, it's not the size that bothers me. Just the fact that she seemed so open about losing her virginity

 

GOOD for her for being comfortable about her sexuality and herself! Atleast she's open and honest..She has nothing to hide because she hasn't done ANYTHING wrong.

 

I can't just dump her, it's not that simple. I didn't convey it well in my first post, but she's a great person and I love being with her. We get along great, other than this obstacle.

 

Then this is your problem and you're going to have to let this go..Deal with it and accept it. OR break up with her.

HER past is HER past and who she is now IS because of her past experiences..In and out of bed.

 

Why should she feel bad about herself and her choices all because you think she's slutty and has had experienes that you haven't had?

[Geishawhelk]

I She has quit those things, and she does show regret for her past.

Fine.... there's no obligation on her part to feel regret, but there you go.

What you can't change, you shouldn't grieve too much about....

 

 

(.....)I understand I shouldn't be upset about it.

 

(...)everyone has a past and if hers bothers me anyone else's probably will too.

 

Then this is completely and uniquely your problem, don't make it hers.

You need to get over this.

 

 

 

I just feel sick to my stomach that she slept with so many sleazeballs.

 

So be the first one to NOT be a sleazeball. She's changed for the better, hasn't she?

All her mistakes have brought her to you.

Now be good, be in the present and be the guy for her you know you can be.

 

leave the rest behind.

[soon2Bfiling]

I feel like a pussy too !

[missdependant]

 

But I am. That's the point, and I want to know how to deal with it. I wish I could just look at all that and say it doesn't matter and not care about it. God knows i've tried, but I just can't seem to get over it. I don't know why. I figure this is something I need to work out with this girl because like you've said, everyone has a past and if hers bothers me anyone else's probably will too.

 

Then you should leave her, because you are clearly not ready for a mature relationship. EVERYONE you ever date will have past scenarios that you don't agree with. You shouldn't tear yourself up over it.

 

Maybe you should spend some time dating around, having your own fun and building up a past of your own so you have nothing to judge about or be insecure about.

 

I'm not saying you should go out and have sex with 20 people or do a bunch of blow. You should be single for a while and not worry about commitment or relationships and just go out and have fun.

 

You're only 18 and in college.. There is way too much life out there to live and there are way too many people to meet before getting wrapped up in something that you don't NEED.

 

She has changed, and that should be enough for you. If not, then you need to move on by either breaking it off or dealing with the fact that she is not perfect. And neither are you or anyone else.

[Geishawhelk]

I feel like a pussy too !

 

I was waiting for someone to come in with that one.....

[missdependant]

So here I am, head over heels, for an ex-slut.

 

I'm assuming we're talking about the same person. Apparently, you have no respect for her anyway in making a comment like that.

[Geishawhelk]

Oh yeah, shoot, I meant to comment on that.

I knew there was something I needed to add.

 

 

Whilst you are so judgemental about her, you really should be nowhere near her.

 

If you want a virgin, (and it sounds really, as if that's the only person you'd be comfortable dating) then keep looking.

 

 

This may take a while.......

 

(virgins are usually religion-driven......and I think I covered that point already.)

[JohnnyBlaze]

Inziladun, I know your story about the 3rd girl quite well. Very Same age, very same situation. The only difference for me was that she was my first, not my third.

 

Did you like this girl before she told you? If so, relax. She's the same girl she was 5 minutes before she told you. It's not like she did anything catastrophically evil. If she said that she was the one who spearheaded the Rwanadan massacre, then there might be grounds for judging her on her past, but this really isn't that big a deal. If it happened while you two were dating, again, then it might be an issue. But it's in the past. We all have a dark skeleton or two stashed away in the closet; just be happy that she didn't hide hers from you. People don't just spew out their dark secrets to anyone; she likes you and she trusts you. Like Geisha said, be the good guy. Be the one who doesn't see her as just a blow-up doll. You might just be amazed.

[Inziladun]

Inziladun, I know your story about the 3rd girl quite well. Very Same age, very same situation. The only difference for me was that she was my first, not my third.

 

Did you like this girl before she told you? If so, relax. She's the same girl she was 5 minutes before she told you. It's not like she did anything catastrophically evil. If she said that she was the one who spearheaded the Rwanadan massacre, then there might be grounds for judging her on her past, but this really isn't that big a deal. If it happened while you two were dating, again, then it might be an issue. But it's in the past. We all have a dark skeleton or two stashed away in the closet; just be happy that she didn't hide hers from you. People don't just spew out their dark secrets to anyone; she likes you and she trusts you. Like Geisha said, be the good guy. Be the one who doesn't see her as just a blow-up doll. You might just be amazed.

 

I'm curious, how did it turn out for your first? Are you guys still together, or did you end it? And on what terms?

[JohnnyBlaze]

We're not together anymore. She left me for another guy about 4 years later. However, those were some of the best years of my life; certainly my happiest ones. I definitely don't regret them.

[samspade]

Then you should leave her, because you are clearly not ready for a mature relationship.

 

This doesn't sound like a mature relationship.

 

Now, I know some people think otherwise, but there IS still such a thing as sluttiness, and there always will be. Whether this girl is because of the wealth of experience she has, I can't say.

 

In any case, I have some advice for you: When you are dating someone, don't delve into her sexual history, or yours. You might not like what you find. And I can all but guarantee you, when it's a girl telling the story, whatever she says is the tip of the iceberg.

 

Just operate under the assumption that the girl you've dated has had a few c*cks before you and will after you and then put it out of your mind. Who cares? As long as she's clean and safe. And if she asks you, neither should you give her a straight answer or any details about your sexual past. Those are trap questions, anyway. That kind of talk is for your guy friends or her girl friends.

[lostsunsets]

IZ, What is intimidating, and rightly so. You are thinking, "how in the world can I compete with that?" Any man would say the same thing. She wants to go back to smoking pot and having sex with lots of people. Dump her. You will worry about her every day you are with her. You two have different morals. That's it.

[moman]

I would ditch this girl ASAP. She is disrespectful to you by telling you about her ex and his 9" dick, especially since she knows your size. I wouldn't talk to her, call her, or even acknowledge her.

 

And yes, she made her past your issue when she brought it up. People shouldn't bring up things they don't want to discuss.

[boldjack]

I dated an ex-stripper, lots of drugs, lots of alcohol, lots of sex. After we started to date, never looked at another man, never used drugs, drank once a week, treated me like a King. She told me all about her past on the first date and I said that I was more interested in the future. She loved me like a rock.

[missdependant]

I would ditch this girl ASAP. She is disrespectful to you by telling you about her ex and his 9" dick, especially since she knows your size. I wouldn't talk to her, call her, or even acknowledge her.

 

And yes, she made her past your issue when she brought it up. People shouldn't bring up things they don't want to discuss.

 

She didn't tell him a bunch of crap. He said he heard it through mutual friends and people.

[missdependant]

Just operate under the assumption that the girl you've dated has had a few c*cks before you

 

haha.

[Toodle]

Watch the film Chasing Amy.