flyguy23 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 My gf planned to go somewhere for spring break with her friends while we are long distance and have luckily have the same SB. i want to spend the break with her and shes like basically telling me that she rather go with them, i feel like we already dont see each other so why wouldnt we spend this time we have together. im really pissed off and thinking about just ending this now because i know i will never forgive her, she didnt even talk about going with her friends with me she just made plans knowing we have the same break and she still refuses to cancel the plans and be with me, should i be this upset
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Before I say anything....how long have you been with her? Have you had problems in the relationship before?
troubadour Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 It is very likely that she is also thinking about ending it all with you and exploring the greener pastures.
Author flyguy23 Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 we've been dating for 3 yrs and we usually tell or ask each other if they are ok with plans like this and i just feel like she needs to sacrifice this trip with her friends for me since we are long distance ya know, she claims she loves me etc but this is a small issue in my eyes and she should want to spend the entire break with me so in my eyes i feel like im the only one who sacrifices for this relationship and tries to make it work. shes done this b4 wiht trips to visit other colleges w,o talking to me about it and shes never done it b4, so it makes me question if shes really the type of girl i want to be dating
Joe Taylor Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I can understand you feel bad about that.. it's not fun when your Girlfriend puts her friends ahead of you.. especially after you devote 3 years! Personally I'd have a serious talk with her and take measure of her commitment.. weigh where she's at in the relationship and if she's just leading you down the non-commitment path. If you can't get the level of commitment you desire, maybe it's time for you to move on.. Life's to short.. my gut tells me she's still in the 'fun is everything' stage and friends are more important than water phase; and if she really thought you were all that, she'd want to spend every minute with you possible. That may change.. but maybe not before she realizes you aren't the one. Just my 2 cents. Good Luck!
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 we've been dating for 3 yrs and we usually tell or ask each other if they are ok with plans like this and i just feel like she needs to sacrifice this trip with her friends for me since we are long distance ya know, she claims she loves me etc but this is a small issue in my eyes and she should want to spend the entire break with me so in my eyes i feel like im the only one who sacrifices for this relationship and tries to make it work. shes done this b4 wiht trips to visit other colleges w,o talking to me about it and shes never done it b4, so it makes me question if shes really the type of girl i want to be dating I mean after committing three years together and it's a continous path as such, how do you honestly feel? Would you feel better if you break it off with her? Talk to her first and tell her that you are unhappy and why you are unhappy. If you see that she isn't trying to make that change, than you know what you should do because you don't deserve to be treated like you are not a priority. If she can't give you 50% of the relationship, especially a long-distance one at that, as you are giving 50%, than why deal with the hurt. Talk to her first and as said before, if she isn't making that commitment to change and make that effort to see you, than you know what you should do. Because you need to be happy.
Author flyguy23 Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 wow you two really hit the nail on the head, i have talked to her about this and said those exact words. i tell her that im not happy that i wish she did this or that and she constantly avoids what i say, whenever i say that i want to break up she cries and blows up my phone, tells me im the only person for her and she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, but i really think i need to move on, shes very immature and she does put her friends above me, it just sucks because i was with her before she started acting liek this so it hurts to see her do this
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Than you know what you must do because you already stated your case to her, and crying honestly does not help (meaning she shouldn't use the "crying" method to keep you along because to me it's like a game). I hope that she will realize if you decide to break it off, that this time you were serious.
Author flyguy23 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 thank you very much for the advice any other opinions?
samspade Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Yes, dump her. Then she can party with her friend like she wants to, anyway. And you won't have to be preoccupied with it. She should want to be with YOU, especially if it's LD and this is your mutual down time. Face it, her wanting to party with her friends IS the message she is communicating, i.e. her interest in you is low. Actions, not words, are what you should be interpreting. If this is spring break from college we're talking about, you can be sure she'll be partying with more than her girlfriends. Remember, don't tolerate disrespect. That starts with self-respect. Her crying is manipulative. Dump her, take a break with your buddies and find some new girls.
Author flyguy23 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 thanks so much shes trying to justify this by saying she mentioned going to florida for break months ago eeven though i never said i was ok with it and knowing we have the same spring break, after 3 yrs i would expect her to want to spend the entire break with me not in fld with her friends
Dexter Morgan Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 My gf planned to go somewhere for spring break with her friends while we are long distance and have luckily have the same SB. i want to spend the break with her and shes like basically telling me that she rather go with them Of course, she can't get all jiggy with the guys if you are around. I'd say you aren't that important to her. i feel like we already dont see each other so why wouldnt we spend this time we have together. im really pissed off and thinking about just ending this now because i know i will never forgive her, she didnt even talk about going with her friends with me she just made plans knowing we have the same break and she still refuses to cancel the plans and be with me, should i be this upset She isn't giving you any consideration. Granted she isn't obligated to mention her plans to you, but if she considered and valued your feelings and valued you as a committed partner, she would have. Sounds like a tart I wouldn't want any part of.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 on a side note, I'd go ahead and go to SB with the guys and have all the fun you want with other girls... because no matter what anyone might say, THAT is why she wants to go with her friends and not you.
Author flyguy23 Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 now that she is back from fl. shes trying to act liek she did nothign wrong. shes trying to make me out to be the bad guy for ignoring her and trying to move on after she chose to go to fl with friends over being with her bf. its just puzzling how shes doing this
lostsunsets Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Flyguy, you're right. She should have sacrificed the trip for you. without question. Just tell her this. "If you felt you would rather be with your friends then me, that's OK. It just means that you just really aren't that into me. I mean with the small amount of time we spend together, if you don't ache to see me, then something is wrong. No anger, no yelling. It just over. Have a great life.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 k from a girls point of view, i know all the little stupid relationships i had before my current one im in now i didn't give a **** about the guy in all seriousness i didn't id still go out act like i was single all the time. i never wanted them to go out with my girls n i. my ex's use to be so pissed at me for treating them this way i never wanted to include them i still wanted to be single a part of me did.....but really what it all really came down to was i just wasn't really into them ....didnt really care for them didn't really like them....the new relationship ive been in for 2 years id never want to be apart from my man not one sec no lie to exaggerating just being real. when you really love someone and their really your best friend you don't want to experience nothing without them. so i hope this helps really think about her choosing her friends over you....
Author flyguy23 Posted March 15, 2009 Author Posted March 15, 2009 i know, but after 3 yrs, its not liek we just started, and all this type of stuff just started to happen this school yr. maybe i should of seen it coming, she acts liek a diff person with her friends and she always chooses them over me, but this time was so hurtful and rude that i had to leave i just dont know why she did it, and why shes trying to make me out to be the bad guy for ignoring her, she texts me a million times a day acting like everything is fine after i told her if u really do this then its over and she still did it
lostsunsets Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 It sounds like she could have another guy on the side. I mean right now all you cost her is text time and money. Sounds really fishy to me. Anybody there you could ask about her?
Author flyguy23 Posted March 15, 2009 Author Posted March 15, 2009 no she doesnt have anyone else, i think the issue is just her immaturity and thinking that her friends are more important than anything else. shes still trying to get me back and stuff so i know there isnt anyone else, she just thinks what she did wasnt that bad and it could be worked out, but i cant forgive her
Truly Lost Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 My boyfriend pulled this kind of behavior with me. He did it the first time at the end of summer last year. He went away to go visit some friends where he used to grow up and didn't tell me about it till a week before he had made plans to go. He did mention it briefly a month or so prior, but I didn't think I was not going to be in the plan. Since I didn't have enough vacation time I was ok with it and decided not to make it an issue. Then two days before Christmas he says he is taking off with his brother to drive across country to visit his Mom. He said he would spend Christmas day with me then leave the next day. Again he did not ask me if I wanted to go. I had all the same days off that he did. I was so upset. I instantly thought about dumping him. It turned out that he didn't go because the lack of cash flow, but I was still pissed off about it. We ended up getting into a fight on Christmas day and broke up about five days later. My fight with him was fueled by his being inconsiderate and my built up resentment. That is a big deal to me. I never once thought of taking a road trip or any trip, for that matter, without including him in my plans. His behavior was a for sure sign, to me, that he is not in love with me. Liking me a lot is not enough. He always kept saying he loved me, but I think it was just something he said, not what he meant. I think that it was good that you ended the relationship. You showed her that she can't walk all over you and take you for granted. You have to set boundries, otherwise, you will be taken advantage of and/or worse...she might have ended up leaving you for someone else because you inabled her to. From your post it sounds like she wants to work on your relationship. Do you think you will get back together with her?
Author flyguy23 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 i really dont know. she tried really hard to get me back. showed up at my house 3 or 4 times, called alot and texted alot. but this was all after she returned from her trip. while she was gone. she barely texted or called me, granted i was ignoring her and it hard to text someone whos ignoring you, but she still could of tried harder, and now shes saying unless im sorry for ignoring her, and sorry for what i did, i shouldner text her unless i want to date her again, which is crazy becasue shes the one who is wrong here and not me, so because of her inability to say sorry and express regret im probably just going to ignore her forever. but its so hard since we dated for 3 yrs =(
me2 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 It's probably because she thinks she can keep you hanging on, just my 2 cents. I'm no expert, but from reading the thread...yeah, I'd put money on it. Lame!
Truly Lost Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Its sounds like you are still angry with her. Its probably true that she didn't contact you on her trip because you were ignoring her, but also I'm sure she didn't feel it was the right time for her to be trying to work on your relationship because she is around friends and also to give you a chance to cool off. She did make an effort at least when she returned, which is a lot better than not doing anything at all. My ex made no effort to talk things out. I think he really doesn't understand what happened. He said he thought we were fine. So, we mutually agreed to end the relationship and thats it. No reason to play the who called/text who game. I didn't want to end things with him and I don't think he did with me, but it happened. What I mean by that is neither of us had planned on a break up. It was kind of out of the blue. I think we are both avoiding each other because of our pride. It makes me sad that I was not worth the effort for him to try to make things right. I don't want to try contacting him because I don't want to get the cold shoulder. I suspect very strongly that I will, so therefore, I'm going to spare myself the disappointment. I think his attitude is, "If she wants me back, then she will have to be the one to call me." I don't need that. It sounds like she may be holding the same stance with you as you were with her. If you make an effort and the other person shoots you down everytime, then eventually you give up. I'm a true believer in if things were meant to be then they will work out in the end, but it can't be without a little bit of effort given by both parties.
Author flyguy23 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 yeah thats how i feel as well, esp in a long distance relationship, she should of wanted to be with me instead of some beach, she doesnt make much of an effort. now shes begging and pleading for me back promising change etc, but i feel liek its all a game just to get me back and then she will soon turn back into her old ways
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