Dunkonya21 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Well the reason why I say bad advice is because any other person would say move on find better etc etc. I know what I'm about to ask is something that I shoudnt want and makes me look stupid. But I'm stupidly in love. So just to get that out the way. Me and my girlfriend well ex now we broke up yesterday. It was really bad how we did. I ended up finding out she was seeing another guy since 1/29/09. And well i found out yesterday. So i took all of her stuff to her house and that was that. Lets just say we ended up giving each other the bird and sped off. Were both young and have alot of growing up to do. And like i said I know I sound stupid to anyone else that reads this. Well through out our whole relationship ( 2 years) Whenever there was a serious fight or we take a break I've always been there or always made the 1st call to her. I'm pretty much like the nice guy and a door mat for girls and that's something im going to be working on as I have know this new status of being single. The girl is very dependent on others and this past january she just been really depressed and dealing with alot of issues. I mean alot of different issues and I'm not saying what she did was right or giving her a excuse. So what im saying is she doesnt know how to be a girlfriend because she's never been in a serious relationship other then me. I was her longest and most serious relationship. She even used to live with me. And i could tell she was unexperienced on how a "real" relationship should be. I'm saying ive been perfect guy but I definitely didnt do anything like this. I'm sure right now, I'ts only been the next day she is miserable as like I am now. I;m sure she's thinking well i still have him, he will come texting me sooner or later. And its going to be a huge shock that I'm not going to be texting her or seeing her at all. I gave all her stuff back to her so there wouldnt be any excuses why we need to see each other. Anyways here's the "bad" advice that I need. Well I'll start off with telling you what I'm going to do. Well first I'm not going to make any communication with her. If she contacts me well then idk it depends on how long it's been and I'm sure if she does contact me it will be through a txt and I wouldnt even know what to say to be honest. I know the relationship she's in has been fine because she's had me there and been able to have this new thing and still have old faithful. Trust me during this time I will be working on getting over her and try to get things situated in my life. So i guess what I'm asking is how do I get her back in my life.... well get her back to where she wants to be with me and work through things. I know it will have to be no contact and stuff like that but just I dont know how long it should be or if I should let her suffer ( if she txts) and yea I really dont have much experience with this. So please I would like only advice on what I asked I know I should move on I know there are better girls out there. Regardless of loving her or not if i dont see her of course my feeling are going to slowly fade away. I just would like to know how i should go along with this to get her wanting me back.. And what are the chances that she is going to contact me?
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I honestly believe that the space will help. You know the old saying: "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were." Well for now I think the break will determine all of that. It's unfortunate that a good guy like you is being stepped on, but stop putting blame on yourself. People tend to not realize how good they have it or someone until it's not there anymore and she will realize it. Right now though stray away from the texting or calls because 1) She is still dating that other person 2) It's not the right time because right now the emotions are taking over your mind and you guys may get back together and it gets worse with the unresolved issues. I can understand if she is dealing with things in her life (like the rest of the world is), but you would think that she would look to you to talk to or you'd be the person she'd go to for your shoulder to cry on, not to be with another person. Right now let the space determine whether you both will get back together on good terms.
Author Dunkonya21 Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Yes I know that saying and will go by it. I know it's going to be hard and I just have to find a way t stay strong and move on if have to and I know theres alot of emotions right now thats why when she told it was true i packed all her stuff up that was at my house and took it to her. And just left there were a few words but it was just high emotions and just being in shock. There's also another saying i dont know word by word but it goes somthing like this. " If it's ment to be, love will find its way". And I'm going to pretty much put everything on her. bcause I have been the one who's always called first and all that. So my other question is if/when she contacts me how should i go along about it? I know it really depends when she does contact me.
luke1 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 If you know that you really do love her and want her back you're going to have to get it a good amount of time because if you break first and contact her first and you let her know you want her back shes going to think that she can get away with anything. I would let her come to you and see what she has to say first. If you know she going to want to get back together with you then you have nothing to worry about other then making sure it doesn't happen again. But before you guys do get back together make you will be able to forgive her 100% or else it will never work out. Here's a site you can go to that talks more this stuff in more detail. Click Here
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 So my other question is if/when she contacts me how should i go along about it? I know it really depends when she does contact me. For right now just tell her that you need your space. You are filled with such strong emotions that as much as you care about her, you still have to realize, that she is with another guy and the wrongs things may be said or done that you can't take back. There is no given rule that if she calls that you have to call back or text back. Put yourself first and keep yourself busy.
Author Dunkonya21 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Thats so true and makes alot of sense on what you said. I'm going to work on myself because right now im not ready for any type of relationship even if it's with ms. perfect. All i know is right now I;m being like the ocean up and down and calm at times and its like mood swings which i never have and thats the frustrating part. The good thing is Im not alone and reall been talking to anyone i can about this.
samspade Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Right now, the best thing for you to do is go NC, so that you can think with a clear mind. She cheated on you and disrespected you. And, truthfully, if she was willing to do that, your relationship was already on life support as of late January. You finding out and ending it was the anticlimax. Take some space, think about that, and when you are no longer heartbroken, you can think about whether she is really right for you. I'm willing to bet that you'll rather move on. Right now, you're going through withdrawl and pain, my friend. Work through that, and get her out of your mind. The girl you miss is the one you started dating; the one you broke up with is the one who betrayed you. Same girl, yes, but her interest in you obviously diminished and if I were you, I'd start looking for someone new.
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Thats so true and makes alot of sense on what you said. I'm going to work on myself because right now im not ready for any type of relationship even if it's with ms. perfect. All i know is right now I;m being like the ocean up and down and calm at times and its like mood swings which i never have and thats the frustrating part. The good thing is Im not alone and reall been talking to anyone i can about this. I know that it has been a minute, but how are things?
Recommended Posts