lovestory5 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I am a married woman and I was always curious about the thing that my man pays attention on other women. I don't think that he cheats me, but still if there is a sexy girl in the street he looks at her and I see that he feels something. I don't think that I am jelous, I am just curious what he feels. Does he feel that he wants her? Or does he feel just the emotional attration of the picture he sees? What are his thouhgts? Guys, maybe even not that are married, but who have serious relations, what are your opinions? And girls, if you have such situations, what do you feel? Do you say something to your boyfriends? How should we react? I know myself that sexy and beautiful women attract my attention, but in the way that I also want to look so sexy and beautiful, but I don't think that men have the same opinion. : ) What are your ideas?
harmonious Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Oh this is good. I'm curious about how the guys will answer this too. In my experiences with this, ugh, I hate it! I can feel and look gorgeous, but if my guy looks with interest at another woman I instantly begin comparing myself to her in the most unpleasant way. Here's the type of changes my head goes through on such occasions: "What a great time I'm having, my man is so much fun to be with, I feel sexy when I'm with him because he adores me and treats me wonderfully... smile smile... Wait what's this? He's looking at her? She's blonde... I'm not blonde... does he like blondes?... then why is he dating me? Go date a blonde and leave me out of it! Does she look better than me? He must think she looks better than me or else he wouldn't be looking at her while he's with me... Doesn't he know it's rude? Why do guys do this crap, then they say "it has nothing to do with you". Huh? How could it have nothing to do with me, when I'm standing right here being dissed?! I'm sooooo annoyed! Is he taking me for granted? Ok now I'm mad, he's taking me for granted and he actually thinks she looks better than me!? She's not even cute! Now my night is ruined. How could I be intimate with someone who treats me like this? I don't even feel attractive right now... I don't think I want to have sex with him anymore He's making me feel unattractive and insignificant. I must not be very important to him. If he really loved me he wouldn't look at anyone while he was with me." Then, even after you tell a guy how it makes you feel, he still does it! Does this mean he doesn't really care that you feel bad (a logical conclusion)? Or is it some kind of involuntary action that he is unable to control? Does it have emotional content? Or what?
Jennifer26 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 If a stunning woman walks past, it's hard not to notice whether you're male or female. Sure, my husband notices if a beautiful woman is in his presence. I've seen him do a quick double take many times. However, when I'm around he doesn't do more than that. I can actually tell he is going out of his way to not look in her direction. I'm sure that wouldn't be the case if I wasn't nearby. If your man is oogling women though, that is just disrespectful. A glance is one thing, mentally taking a picture of her is another.
Enema Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I notice a sexy woman walking past like I notice a sweet motorbike, or an exotic sports car. I don't feel anything. Just an instant of appreciation for its appeal.
clv0116 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Men appreciate beautiful things. The fact we appreciate and notice them doesn't mean we intend to get all hot and slippery with them. Striking or beautiful things draw the eye. Here's a concrete example: I dislike fake boobs to the point of almost disgust. But if they're doing a good job of stuffing a sweater I can appreciate the aesthetics of it and at the same time I wouldn't want to get busy with their owner.
taylor Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Why make this a gender question? Why not also ask women what crosses THEIR minds when they see a good-looking man? Human beings are going to look at other human beings. It's just human nature. Ever sit in a doctor's office? People catch people looking at each other all the time. And attractive people, men and women, draw tons of attention from both sexes. Beauty is valued in our society more than ever. Men like to look at attractive women and women like to look at attractive men. There's nothing wrong with appreciating beauty and biceps, a great head of hair, dreamy eyes, cute butt. Women also check out beautiful women...and admire them for their attributes. Men also catch a quick look at other men...their biceps, abs, etc. to see how they compare (they may not admit this but they do.) It's just human nature. Poster, you sound a bit insecure. I am sure you are a beautiful person inside and out and that is why your boyfriend is with you. The next time you "catch" him looking at other women, join in, and say something like this, "Gee, that girl you are looking at is pretty cute. She has beautiful hair, eyes, figure, etc. You sure have good taste in women. Is that why you picked me?" Then give him a flirty little smile. After all, he is with you and his decision to be with you is based not only on looks but also who you are as a person, right?
clv0116 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 After all, he is with you and his decision to be with you is based not only on looks but also who you are as a person, right? That should be repeated in boldface.
seibert253 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Men check out hot chicks just like women check out good looking guys. Don't tell me it doesn't happen, because it does. I see it every night in the gym. Doesn't matter if the "checker" or "checkee" is married or not. I look at it this way, (no pun intended), I love cake. If I see what looks like a scrumpshes piece of cake, I'll take a second glance. Doesn't necessarily mean I want to jump on it and eat it.
fral945 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 There are 3 things I cannot ignore when I see other women: 1) a knockout body 2) a stunning face 3) giant boobs Those 3 get an immediate look, especially when they are all on one woman. I'm usually pretty subtle about it, though, if I'm on a date or involved with someone. All I feel when seeing an attractive woman is a brief moment of slight physical arousal and excitement. Once she's gone, that's it until another good looking woman walks by. 99% of the time it is a purely physical reaction.
carhill Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 OP, you don't love your husband, right? Or, has something changed? FWIW, I didn't pay attention to other women until I emotionally disconnected from my wife. TBH, I'll bet you'd be bored with a guy who only had eyes for you.
Jersey Shortie Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 And girls, if you have such situations, what do you feel? Do you say something to your boyfriends? How should we react? I know myself that sexy and beautiful women attract my attention, but in the way that I also want to look so sexy and beautiful, but I don't think that men have the same opinion. : ) What are your ideas? I feel the same way basically Harmonious stated. She explained it very well. I feel that I am being taken for granted. I am the woman standing next to him and he is looking at other women having who knows what kind of fantasy about her then or will have of her later. I think if that's what he wants, then he should go get it and leave me alone. Certainly, there is no woman that can complete with the millions of fantasies and other women men occupy their time and lives with even if it is *just* looking. I hate being out in public and seeing men with their familes ogle me or other women. It's like a slap in the women he is with face. I can see the looks on the other woman's face and often time she looks a little hurt or angry. You're out with your guy having fun and thinking he is having fun being with you and then he is off staring at other women. It ruins it. We know men are men. But why does that have to be a reason every single time to excuse something men do that hurts their partner or isn't showing respect for them? I think if more men were appreciative and thankful for what they had, and did the right kind of things to show their partner this, there would be alot more happier women and in turn, alot more happier men. As for how you should react? That's up to you. If it bother's you, you should say something. I am not one of those chicks that thinks it's healthy for you to be all like "oh hunny, look at her ass, isn't it great". I really think that's about pandering to men's worst behavior. And at the end of the day he gets to drool over other women right infront of you and show no respect.
Nicodaemos Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 To the topic of the post, yes, is it possible for a married man to pay no attention to other women. I was married for about 2 1/2 years. We married for the wrong reason, and I sont be doing so again. We did agree to abide by the terms of a marriage. Being faithful one of them. I didnt like seeing bikini clad women, tiny skirts and such, I would just look away. Its kind of ironic i guess that she always told me she appreciated that, and before we split, about a year an some into the marriage, she started sleeping with other men. And women. I didnt mind when she looked at other men, even when we were out, because there is an appreciation for a handsome man, or a good looking woman. Sometimes it would make her all giggly and smiley when a beautiful woman in a short skirt with great legs would walk by and she would notice me take a quick check. Then I would lean down to my wifes ear, and whisper, "yers are better". I always did feel a bit guilty looking at women, so i wouldnt. At times, taking a look at a woman would make for a better night, not just for making cheesy comments. But, sometimes seeing that flip of skirt, that droop of a shirt, and it would entice em, but guess who benefits from that. You. I cant speak for all men, not by any means. recently, with the woman I have been talking to, we decided to be a couple a few months ago. I drive a truck, and one of the things that guys love to drive trucks, women in short skirts, they tend to ride, and low shirts. Ive even seen a woman driving naked, in a T top camaro. I notice women alot more since being out of the marriage, but I see one, think, nice *something* and start missing the woman im with now. It makes me desire the woman I am with even more. So, all men are different, and yea, it is possible for a married guy to pay no attention to other women.
Author lovestory5 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Hello my dear Ops. Thank you very much for your answers. I really liked all. Also it is really true that OP harmonious descried the woman in such situation just perfectly. Thank you my dear. It is really nice to hear that all women think as I do. ; ) It is easy to live than. ; ) In my practice I even had a situation before I was married. My boyfriend and I were shopping and usually when I was buying some food he was standing near the shop and was waiting for me to carry the bags. Once the seller was a young girl, really sexy with big breast, blonde hair, and flat stomach. And what my shock was when he came into the shop and decided to help me (so he could look at her closer). : ) Do you imagine? : ) I had nothing to say at all. : ) I really think that it is some kind of involuntary action that he is unable to control. And to answer the question: Why make this a gender question? Why not also ask women what crosses THEIR minds when they see a good-looking man? I can say that when I look at a handsome guy I feel nothing. It is just like to watch television. You see the picture, you get new information, but you can’t have such emotions like at the vital concert of your favorite singer. And I can say that I am secure in my, but I just have doubts sometimes. : ) Yes, I know that he is with me not only because of my appearance, but because of my mind, but there are millions of girls with good appearance and good minds. : ) I don’t love my husband, but I want to know more about this question for the future. : ) As I had such things in the past. ; ) And to comment one OP, it will offend me if my man tell me that I am better than she is. I didn’t’ ask him to compare me with her, he should know it beyond it. : ) And if he compares that means that he thinks vice verse. : ) Here is the logic of women. : )
OpenBook Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 My experience - most men do "ogle" other women, regardless of who (or whether) they're hooked up with. It's all about the character of the guy as to how he handles that eyeball attraction. If there is no change in his behavior toward you, I'd chalk it up to boys being boys. I agree with the other posters who said the proof is in the pudding - he's with YOU. End of story.
EnigmasMuse Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 To me, there is a difference between just casually looking at a nice looking woman passing by or sitting across the room, and actually looking so hard it takes the focus off of what you're doing or who you're with. I dated a guy like that once. No matter where we went or what we did, it wasn't just your causal glance it was full on continual looking, and not paying any attention to me or what we were doing etc. I dropped him. I wont be disrespected like that.
Jersey Shortie Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 At times, taking a look at a woman would make for a better night, not just for making cheesy comments. But, sometimes seeing that flip of skirt, that droop of a shirt, and it would entice em, but guess who benefits from that. You. I cant speak for all men, not by any means. recently, with the woman I have been talking to, we decided to be a couple a few months ago. I drive a truck, and one of the things that guys love to drive trucks, women in short skirts, they tend to ride, and low shirts. Ive even seen a woman driving naked, in a T top camaro. I notice women alot more since being out of the marriage, but I see one, think, nice *something* and start missing the woman im with now. It makes me desire the woman I am with even more. So, all men are different, and yea, it is possible for a married guy to pay no attention to other women. I can't speak for all women either but I know for many women, they don't want to be wanted or desired by their man because he got excited seeing other women. That can actually be pretty hurtful. You say it's a benefit. Why? Because she has sex with him? For alot of women, the sex isn't enough of a benefit alone. Knowing that your man wants to have sex with you because he got excited by other women can be a slap in the face. In my practice I even had a situation before I was married. My boyfriend and I were shopping and usually when I was buying some food he was standing near the shop and was waiting for me to carry the bags. Once the seller was a young girl, really sexy with big breast, blonde hair, and flat stomach. And what my shock was when he came into the shop and decided to help me (so he could look at her closer). : ) Do you imagine? : ) I had nothing to say at all. : ) I would have been upset. He didn't care about helping you carry the bags. He wanted to oggle a young girl. It's that kind of stuff that makes me wonder why men bother and if they even care about their own partners. Because it often seems like what trumps with men is exactly that, a pretty face or body. And everything they do is excusable because of that. And I personally feel like you just can't win with men ever because at the end of the day, it's obvious what they really care about or what wins out more times than not. Here you are the woman that is by his side helping to build a life with him and he doesn't help you carry the bags because of you. He does it for the young girl he wants to be near. I know most men will roll their eyes or brush off what is being said but that kind of stuff is hurtful. Don't be in a committed relationship if that is how you are going to treat your partner.
Author lovestory5 Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 Dear OPs, thank you very much for all your comments. I really liked all. But I would be glad to hear more thoughts of the men who didn't talk with us yet. How do you excuse your behaviour? Do you really make this, understanding, that it hurts us? Or you don't understand? We need this excusion. : )
Nicodaemos Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 With me noticing a woman, and telling the wife that she was better, I did that because she was always into group things, both men and women. It made her feel better when I did that. The woman that I have been with the past few months, I dont do that with her. I dont really have any set patterns in a relationship, cause this is the first one that I really wanted, and it seems to be over. But, that was what was in my mind, and why i did the things then. She enjoyed it, so that is what I did. This time, she didnt like anything like that, so I dont. Simple, for me anyway. I give her what she wants, and I am honest with it.
Author lovestory5 Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 It si really good that you are honest. Many people appreciate it greatly. Thnak you for all your thoughts. I really liked all. : )
Nikki Sahagin Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Well I think just as men notice beautiful women, women notice handsome men but I think women tend to be much more subtle. It's natural to look twice at something beautiful. I look twice at women as much as men, not because i'm sexually attracted to the women but just because they catch your eye. It's weird. I DO check out other men, (but not in a pervy way) but I don't like thinking my boyfriend does it. Isn't it weird how we can be jealous of universal human tendencies? I think we all do things that we don't like others doing...
Author lovestory5 Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 Yes, it is weird how we can be jealous of universal human tendencies. But what I can also say is that when a person really loves another person he will never do the wrong thing. For example, if you love your child, you woudn't make him be jealous saying that you love another child. Of course you will show all your love to your own child. And if people make other be jelous, it means that their love is not so deep.
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